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Thanks
I give thanks
Not only for
What I have
But also for
What I will
Soon come
To find.

I give thanks
For trials
And tribulations
That have to
Be overcome.

I give thanks
For the test
That must
Be passed.

I give thanks
For happiness
And pain.
No matter the
Emotion - I
Give thanks
Just the same.

Copyright © weav 2001 (www.abundantfun.com)

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Monday, February 26, 2007

this morning i came to the realisation that we are entering week 9 of term 1. one more week and it'll be the march holidays. 8 weeks going on 9. 56 days out of 365 gone already. what have i done with my life so far? i still remember the first day of school, it was crowded, scary and so intimidating. the crush of humanity outside the hall was tremendous. i was thinking to myself: what the hell was i doing here in RJC? and there i was, wishing, hoping against all hope that time will fly by and i would collect my A level results and zip off to NS. i was adamant that i would suffer in RJ.

i guess it's all about the attitude. the initial stages were extremely difficult to pull through. i couldnt sleep at night and struggled to wake up the next day. i NEVER had to wake up at 5.45am before on a normal school day. my body couldnt adapt. i was miserable, and being in that foreign environment in a foreign land named Bishan, did not help much. i was missing AHS every single day, wishing that my life was a bad dream and praying that i would wake up and it will be 6.45am and i would be on my way to AHS. i knew it would be tough, yet i did not expect it to be this tough.

orientation came and left, i didnt really enjoy it coz i was sick and scared. my two OGLs were fantastic though, Timo and Nanett, reminded me of Brynner and Tiffany. everywhere i turned, i would see someone that reminded me of someone in AHS. orientation was supposed to be great, and i regret now not allowing myself to open up and enjoy it. after orientation, we got into our classes. it was ok at first. i found myself some ppl who i could really speak to and i thought yeah, we could be good friends. alas, as fate would have it, almost half the class got transferred out and 08S03Q got whittled down to a mere 16 ppl. as the days passed by, i found myself new friends and realised that this 3Q class was really quite friendly, smart shits, but friendly and helpful. then i realised that i did like this class.

i was without a cca, i missed table tennis trials, didn't see the interview slot for raffles press and interact didnt want me. i was quite depressed. i was adamant on quitting RJ for "greener" (literally) pastures in TJ, or perhaps VJ. however, after a few days of deliberation, i decided that i should trust God to give me a cca and true enough, after talking to valerie that day, i joined writers' inc. slack as it may be, it's something that i'm good at and hopefully it will be turn out good.

looking back this past 56 days, i cant help but say that God was in this throughout. no chance in hell could i have made it through those days, where i dreaded going to school, where i laid awake, tossing and turning at night, sleeping on the couch to try to get some sleep, and then dragging myself out of bed the next day, forcing myself to go to school. those, painful, terrible days, where i missed AHS to the very depths of my being, missing the familiarity, missing going to council room in the mornings, missing crapping with classmates in 4J and trying to fool mrs liang into thinking i was paying attention when in actual fact i was sleeping, missing hanging out after school, talking cock to juniors and going to endless paixis. till today, i miss those days.

still, God is just so good to me. every morning as i walk to the bus stop, the prayers and songs kept me going, it made life more bearable. as the days passed and life turned into routine, as i settled in RJC, life became normal, and worth living yet again. no words can express how difficult a time i was having in January, yet God never left me, i was fine. and even as i suffered, he taught me to rejoice, as i turned depressed, he gave me joy, as i was mired in self-pity and self-doubt, he gave me confidence and strength. when i had no friends, he brought good, genuine people my way, when i had no cca, he gave me one, when i was searching, he gave me a way.

looking back, i truly realised what was said in "Footprints": when you were suffering, i carried you.

God rocks.

Thought of the Day: why is doing what is right always harder than doing what is wrong, and when you do wrong, why do you always wish that you did right?

8:36 pm