i'm really tired, physically, mentally, and spiritually. it's really like butter spread too thin on a piece of bread. ok, maybe i belong to the 草莓一族，i know my ancestors endured worse than this, they toiled day and night, farming the land to harvest only a few measly stalks of grain at the end of the year, and they crossed the South China Sea to find a better life in Nanyang only to end up as coolies and what not. i dont care. that happened a long time ago, i have my own problems and hardships now.

alot of things are going through my head right now, although i dont really think anybody reading this has to care, since im really thinking about very personal stuff, about a very big decision to make. honestly, i dont like my life now. i dont hate it. 'hate' is a very strong word. there were worse times. but the present is no bed of roses or walk in the park, or whatever cliche there may be to describe it. Schoolwork sucks, the class is nice tho, but schoolwork downrights sucks. Thing is, i thought i would have got enough motivation to study for exams by the time this week arrived. i havent. i still dont feel like mugging for promos. over the past few days, i have been slacking more than studying, but i really am not worried for some reason. maybe it's because i have enough faith to believe that God will pull me through my promos? hopefully. but i really do not feel any motivation right now. and it doesnt feel like PROMOS. it doesnt feel very major or anything like that...sadly though. im really praying that i'll do well.

another thing, im very tired of another thing, that cant be mentioned here in this blog. very tired, very discouraged, very unhappy, very sad...very...humbled? i really dont know. truth is, im very tired. not sick and tired, just tired. tired, tired, tired...zzZzz..

Livewire went to the beach today to play the last part of Game On. We buried Mitchell's newurbanmale slippers and we couldnt find it after digging for a very long time, people were tired, others were unhappy, others just joking. i felt really bad for losing it, since i helped to dig it. i couldnt believe we didnt manage to find it, coz i didnt think it was sooooo deep. but i guess sometimes we dont think all the time, we do stuff first before we think. (yes, RJC student doesnt think, newsflash, newsflash, wadeva). oh, and i got cut by a rusty nail, or at least i think it was rusty, but it was a nail all right. so, if i die in my sleep or something, den you'll know why. but im praying hard that the Fe2O3 doesnt enter my system, and if it does, my white blood cells or wadeva will fight them off...with God's divine protection.

oh, and i hate it when people attribute everything i do to my being a Rafflesian. If i say something smart, it's either, 'wah, RJC so smart' or, 'arrogant RJC'. if i say or do something stupid, it's 'RJC never teach you ar?' or 'wah, how you get into RJ wan ar?', or '6 pointer oso dunno?'. Like, #$%!$%!@^&$$#. cant stand it, everytime i hear it i want to scream into a pillow. (no, i wont punch the chap's face in or exhibit colourful language, im too nice for that, just give me a pillow to scream in.) Cant stand it lah, like being in RJ is such a big deal. sometimes i wish i just did badly, gone to some poly or wad and nobody will talk about my results. but im proud of my achievements and i shall continue working hard. call me over-achiever, nerd, loser, arrogant, study freak, elitist, whatever. i am bothered, but i shant be bothered. although, judging from my promo preparations, it would take an Act of God (i.e. a miracle) if i actually do well. but then, for all my exams since i started schooling, they were all Acts of God, not least the O levels, which was truly a God-engineered miracle.

if i indeed do well for promos, and i really really hope that i do, all the glory goes to God. i did nothing, God did everything. am i blessed or what? to have a God that looks out for me, who wants to bless me, who helps me do well.

To God be the Glory. for the things he has done, is doing, and has yet to do.