i was going to say that today sucked, but i was reminded of the song, "this is the day that the Lord has made, i will rejoice and be glad in it"
well, maybe today didnt suck, but PW sure did. i got a B. a BIG BISGUSTING B. Words fail me to describe how disappointed i am. in actual fact, i was expecting a B, i mean for the effort i put in, but looking at how other ppl scored, others who put in considerably less effort and considerably less time and were considerably less bothered than i did, it was a total utter disappointment.
i think i was quite amusing to have people asking me if i was ok, or if i was really sad or something. yes, definitely i wasnt ok, but i dont think i am angry or depressed or what, just, disappointed. it is rather disappointing to slog for one entire year only to get such a result. it was a real bummer, to understate. i guess this result was timely, it was a slap on the face. perhaps i had been too proud after blitzing my o levels and thinking that it was impossible for me to get anything less than an awesome A, but i suppose no one is infallible, and i had, in the words of our dear MM, become complacent.
i went on a long walk just now, instead of taking the usual bus home, i went to bedok and decided to walk back from bedok, (after searching unsuccessfully for a tie). i like to go on long walks when im feeling down, and to think things through, and maybe to pray a little bit and have some time out. i guess im not feeling so depressed now, not as bad as just now. after thinking it through, i suppose, life is really unfair, but im not bitter about it. at the risk of sounding immodest, i believe i am, and my groupmates are, better than most who got A, and we thoroughly deserved to receive an A.
on my walk, it suddenly struck me that most people i saw on the street probably hardly got As in their life, many didnt even make it to JC, much less university, but were they any worse off? which led me to my conclusion that life really isnt about receiving As, but rather, it's doing and being the best that one can be. the regretful thing is that, i felt that i didnt put in the maximum effort required of me, which resulted in my dismal marks.
there are definitely lessons to be learnt from this incident. and if anyone thinks that i will be discouraged or depressed, then i suppose they are really wrong. the saddest thing for me is that the whole group got B as well. i think it was thoroughly undeserved. throughout the entire process, we were one of the most well-balanced, most able groups and i thought that we could have smoked the competition had we put in that extra effort.
nevertheless, i am sincerely happy for my classmates, many of them worked hard and deserved the glowing results that they received and my utmost congratulations to them. i am also proud of my group for having gone through the entire process with minimum conflict and maximum cooperation. and i believe that we will definitely bounce back and get As for our remaining subjects. if anything, this 'setback' has only made me more determined to study hard and do well for the remaining subjects.
to God be the Glory
