so it looks like i'll be heading overseas after all. after two years of thinking about it, dreaming about it, preparing for it and praying about it, MFA called me on friday to tell me they were going to offer me a scholarship to study in the US or UK.
when the call came, i recognised the number, since i've been corresponding with them for quite some time. when i saw it, i sorta knew it would be good news. well, at least i was hoping for good news. i was on the way home, in the mrt. and when the person just told me that i broke out into what was probably the widest grin of my life. terry, my buddy, was sitting beside me at the time and he was the first to know. thank God he was there so i had someone to tell. if not imagine how goofy i would have looked if i was alone on the train.
first things first: THANK GOD. really, it's not by might, nor by power, but by the Spirit of God. how God saw me through O levels, going to RJ, A Levels and the whole scholarship application process. the ideas He birthed in my head, the people He put me with, the whole experience in the past six years has just been one step of God by another. looking back, i cannot but recognise and acknowledge His hand over my life, over every aspect of my life, up to today. and i'm so grateful. and i'm so excited, because, it's only the beginning of a long and amazing journey together with God at the helm and the Holy Spirit as my guide.
now that the reality has sunk in, it seems like a whole new world has been opened up to me. once i dreamt, fantasised about studying at the best institutions in the world, walking the hallowed hallways of higher education, strolling the sprawling grounds of Cornell, Stanford, Georgetown, etc. today the possibility has arrived. the dream has turned into reality. (well, almost, since i haven't gotten entry into these unis yet). i've never had this feeling before. going to the states on an mfa scholarship has been a goal and a dream for years, and now that it's been realised it just takes my breath away.
new challenges have arisen from this recent development. for one, i am now grappling with the likelihood that i would be away from Singapore for four years, which is a really long time. it not only means i will leave behind my family, my home, but also my friends, my entire support network, the entire environment that i've grown accustomed to. to leave the comfort zone that is singapore and venture into a whole new world, whether the US or Britain, is something that i am only just coming to terms to. it wasn't something that i had contemplated before, being so clouded by the fantasy of hobnobbing with the best and the brightest in the world, at the best and the brightest institutions of learning. i've begun thinking of practical problems that might arise:
- accomodation? hostel or city apartment? (preferably city)
- transport? public or learn to drive? (preferably drive, but then i'd have to buy a car and pay for gas)
- culture? integrate or be unique? (preferably a mix of both, hopefully i'd be able to adapt to the new culture without losing my singaporean-ness)
- handphone line? bank account?
can't shake off the feeling that i'm beginning to be getting a little ahead of myself. the news is so big, so unexpectedly magnificent, yet brings about so many implications that i'm only
beginning to grasp its consequences.
for I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future - Jer 29:11the future just got more exciting, yet more scary. yet i know, i know, He holds the future, and life is worth the living, just because He lives.
***
met up with soohwee, chinmeng and jinzhi yesterday for some lunch and shopping. miss these friends tremendously. jz is headed off to london to do maths and econs at UCL, chinmeng got into NUS business and soo hwee will be doing smu accounting. im so happy that we're all going where we wanted to go. not only these three, but also many other friends of mine as well. i'm so proud of 3R, 6 people in law, 3 in medicine, 5 people on scholarships (one of whom might just become a President's scholar, we're keeping our fingers crossed). also, charissa got into UCL on a NEW scholarship, laoda got nanyang scholar, wenlin going to uk (hopefully) on an moe scholarship, junie going to DDP at NUS, i'm simply overjoyed at how some of my friends are faring and where they're headed to. of course, not all got what they wanted, but i guess it'll all work out fine.
am supposed to go on a holiday with soo, meng and jinzhi and others (not confirmed) after ord. hope the plan materialises and we can all enjoy ourselves. gotta start saving!
***
in other news, i've finally decided to take the plunge and buy the Basic Theory Test handbook, aka the highway code. i read some of it on the way home just now. and they weren't exaggerating when the said BASIC, because it was really quite basic. shall cheong through the book. i went to the website to check the test date, and it was on a Tuesday, to my dismay. may have to wait for another test or, maybe apply leave on that day, although it's highly unlikely LTA Chris will approve it. am determined to learn driving right now.
also, i've to take SATs, something i've been putting off for two years now. i shall now go ahead and start mugging for it. the next test is in october, unfortunately. so while there's still time, there's only one chance to do well before the application window opens in nov/dec. at least there's something to challenge my brain while i rot in the army.
***
i've been getting all excited about studying abroad and planning for future events. but reality is harsh and as i type this, i've gotta get ready to go back to camp, the stark reminder that there's still TWO YEARS TO GO!!! haiz. waiting to ORD was hard enough. waiting while knowing there's something to look forward to after ORD is going to be even harder.
***
God is good, all the time
He put a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good, all the time
through the darkest night His light will shine
God is good, God is good, all the time.
