there's this really nice song that i can't find on youtube, how irritating...
anyway, for some reason i was browsing through my archives just before writing this post. it's great to, once in a while, go back and read some of the previous blog posts. i've had this blog for about 4 years now, so i can't believe it's still surviving and i'm still blogging.
wanted to blog about what happened yesterday during the 2.4 run, but i've been complaining about officers and the SAF and NS in general ad nauseum, i don't feel like blogging about it anymore. so frustrating, so horrible, just gotta hope ORD comes sooner than expected.
today after we booked out from guard duty, i was quite torn between going home to sleep and going Fort Canning, where Livewire was having WWW (Where Wally Worx), a 3-day games extravaganza. i went hoping to see 100 people, for the very first time in Livewire history. we didn't hit it, but nevertheless, i remain hopeful that this milestone will be reached very, very soon. for the first time in a long time i had the opportunity to sit aside and not be involved in the activities and truly observe the proceedings. and did i like what i saw. i saw many groups of young people thoroughly enjoying themselves. i saw them running hard, panting, wanting to finish the tasks and doing it to the best of their ability. i am reminded of the reaction some years before when they came because they 'had to', and they played games but never really tried to win. the change in the attitude, the dynamics, everything, leads me to remain bullish about where this youth ministry is heading.
i'm really disappointed that i can't go to sentosa with the rest tomorrow after church. i've been wanting to have an amazing race at sentosa with the church people for years and now that it happens, i can't go. the army really invades my usual routine. it's horrible when you plan your entire week's social life around two days. the many things that one has to forgo when one serves the country. it's a major inconvenience, to say the least. so many things that i want to do have to be put on hold or squeezed into the weekends just because i have to be in camp during the weekdays. the whole notion that your time is not your own, that somebody else plans your schedule, decides when you eat, sleep, use the toilet, etc. totally does not go down well with me. which is why i do not like this whole regiment thingy.
i do understand why it's so important that our country's citizens have to serve NS. the rationale for it is something i can sympathise with and have no qualms about. since it is absolutely essential that a country like Singapore has no choice but to put its male citizens through two years of military service, then it is imperative that these two years are spent wisely and the experience an enriching one, so that the two years, which are essentially the prime of our lives, are well-spent. the reality is that the time in NS is spent rather poorly. the vicious cycle of rushing to wait and waiting to rush repeats itself everyday. unnecessary activities and revisions are done just to 'cover my backside'. poor planning, miscommunication and quite simply put, 'cock ups' serve to waste our time and lower our morale. it's not as though these are rare situations, which are forgivable since cock-ups happen and no one is perfect. but if they happen on a daily basis, then it is a systematic error and a major flaw in the entire system. what can be done to improve this? the solution escapes me. i have no answer.
can they really blame us for showing poor attitude if our time is wasted every single day, when instructions are given at the last minute, when decisions are made and no explanations are given for them? when they don't teach us how to react in a certain scenario and we don't do what the 'SAF directive' prescribes, are we at fault? can i read their mind? the line of logic, the way of thinking and the method of execution of plans baffles me and leaves me flabbergasted. when you don't allow someone to book out for a postponed medical appointment because 'there's a very important lesson in the morning which you cannot miss', and then later you make that someone wait the entire morning because the lesson wasn't carried out, and you allowed someone else to book out for a medical appointment on the same day, in the afternoon, when we were doing something, how does that gain you any respect?
respect must be earned, it cannot be expected. there are two types of respect, as Mrs. Goh will have it: respect earned and respect due to. many people in the army possess the latter. but i think it is dangerous to confuse listening to orders with respect. e.g. i respect an officer because he has a rank, and he earned it full well by going through a very difficult OCS course. but do not confuse this with my listening to an order because i fear that if i do not do so, i will be charged, and i will have a record on my name and i will have no future. i think many people dont realise that, at least in the army, that positive attitude, good results and happy men can only be gotten if the leaders command the respect of their followers. respect due to can only take a leader so far, to go the distance, the leader must earn that respect. and that is where many fall short. i'm not one to talk myself. reflecting on this issue of respect, i realised that i did not bother to earn it from my followers when i was a leader in school, i just assumed that it would be given to me simply because i was a chairman or a leader or whatever. being in the position of a man now in the army, i've learnt that the most effective leaders were not those that were charismatic or effective communicators, i've learnt that that most effective leaders were those who commanded respect, by earning it. Bush and Clinton were charismatic, some would even say, charming, presidents, but they lost respect and will never be mentioned in the same breath as Reagen or Lincoln because of what they did. they just assumed they would be respected because they were the freaking leaders of the free world. LKY earned our respect by really toiling through with Singapore in the 'growing years'. sure, he expected respect to be given to him, but he sure earned respect when Singapore chalked 20 years of uninterrupted growth from independence. the point is, dont simply assume you can be an effective leader if you think your men will respect you just because you have been placed in a position, rather earn the right to be a leader of your men. leadership, i guess, is a battle of hearts and minds. many times the battle of the mind is won because the rational thinker will think it best not to rebel against a person of authority, but the battle of the heart is never won because the person of authority never bothers to try to fight that battle.
i don't see not being in command school as a disadvantage, it's making me think through many things from a different perspective. what can i do to make my leadership - especially in church - more effective, how can i be a better youth leader for God? what were some of the issues that i never thought of when i was a leader myself that i am thinking of now that i am a follower? i will leave with this quote:
"most men can handle adversity, but to truly test a man's character, give him power" - Abraham Lincoln.
