NaOH_in_the_house

New blog

2011-06-01T00:08:00.002+08:00

Decided to start a new blog.

www.noahneo.wordpress.com

will explore how to archive all the old posts from this blog.

God of my forever

2011-02-27T22:22:00.001+08:00

God of my youth I remember
Your call on my life took me o'er
Your love has seen me through all my days
I stand here by your grace

On this altar I've written my life
Tells of the story I had with you my Lord
I want the world to know

God of my forever
And forever I'm with you
My life is saved with a price
Your sacrifice redeemed my soul
God of my forever
And forever I will sing
My greatest honour will always be
To serve my Lord and King

God of my all I've surrendered
My heart finds it rest in your Word
Praises will not be enough to show
How my love for you has grown

Nothing matters when you're here with me
In the end just to hear you say 'well done'
Bowing before your throne

God of my forever
And forever I'm with you
My life is saved with a price
Your sacrifice redeemed my soul
God of my forever
And forever I will sing
My greatest honour will always be
To serve my Lord and King

Forever and ever
Jesus you alone in glory reign
Forever and ever
With you I walk this narrow way

a new year's post

2011-01-02T23:14:00.000+08:00

I believe in using clichés. When we say something is clichéd, we generally use it in a dismissive tone. like, oh that theme is so clichéd, let's try another one. but to me, clichés are interesting, even fascinating because while they are seriously over-used, there is a lot of truth in clichés, which is why, despite them being clichéd, people still use them over and over again. it's a vicious cycle.

So the cliché I will employ for this blog post is: in the blink of an eye. As in, 2010 is over in the blink of an eye, and before we know it (another over-used phrase), we have stepped into a new year. Pastor Gerry, in his Watchnight message, mentioned that 2011 marks not just the beginning of a new year, but also a new decade. if you were to ask me, 2010 would have been the beginning of a new decade, but I guess it depends on how you count, whether you start from 1 or zero, but it doesn't really matter. it is significant nonetheless. and i was just so excited when he said 'new decade' because personally it will be quite a significant next 10 years, gazing into what little I can see of the crystal ball. I was in fact, so excited, that I posted on facebook that I was very excited for the next decade, eliciting a response from jia hao as to why I was excited, seeing that we had to start working in this decade. It was a good question. I was excited, but I had no idea why. so before I replied him, I thought of why I was excited and it occurred to me that the next decade is going to be an extremely pivotal one in my life. It is going to be a time when I will determine who I am and who I want to be, when I will be making some of the biggest decisions in my life: choosing a university, embarking on a career, getting married...

And then it occurred to me again how ill-prepared I am to make all these decisions on my own and how much of it is going to be gut feeling rather than rational reasoning with the benefit of hindsight. And then I got worried. And then I thought, what the heck. that's what makes life fun. the whole uncertainty of it, the whole feeling your way and taking a risk and hoping things turn out well and making the best of a bad situation and enjoying every moment of a good circumstance. no need to get all worked up or anxious about it, no need to sink into emo-ness or live like it's your last day and indulge in hard living. that's the beauty of life and life in Christ. that every day is in His hands, and there is no need for wild living when you 'live for the moment', because in Christ I don't live for the moment, I live for eternity. and suddenly getting old and entering my 20s doesn't seem so daunting anymore. the definition of 'right choices' changes, no more living to get rich and be 'successful' in my career wanting a car, a house, a dog and 2.5kids anymore. no more of what the world deems 'successful', but living on the edge trusting that God will provide and He will satisfy. and even as I'm heading into a period of massive transition, it's no longer scary, but exhilarating. like riding a roller coaster, knowing that since the seat belts are on, you can enjoy the thrill of the ride without fearing that you might drop out and die. because God is that seat belt, and so long as I am on that roller coaster ride, safely strapped, I can make countless loops and still come out safe and well. living without God, to me, is like riding a roller coaster with no seat belt. you're hanging on for dear life because you fear when you might fall off, you shift your weight to counter the twists and turns of the roller coaster, when it is heading for the top you worry that you will fall off after the summit, when it turns you upside down, you just might fall off and die.

so as a new year, and a new decade dawns upon me, and as my 21st birthday is coming in 3 weeks (an important date, so i'm told, but not much difference in reality), I have begun to start thinking seriously about what I want to achieve in the next 10 years and I so happened to chance upon this article on CNN for iPad where this woman was interviewed about her new year's resolutions and how, instead of making resolutions, she had a list of 30 things to do before 30, and it included things like falling in love, jump out of an aeroplane, write a book and record a song, among others. I thought it was a brilliant idea and since I'm entering my 20s, I am attempting to compile my own list although I haven't finalised it yet. so many exciting things are going to happen in the next 10 years and I can feel it, the same feeling you get just as you are sitting in a roller coaster car before it moves off.

I would apologise for my unbridled optimism. after all, why in the world do I think I'm going to lead an amazing life when bad things always happen, no matter what? why should I be happy for myself when there's so much suffering in the world, what with famine and war and natural disasters, shouldn't I be more mellow and empathetic for my fellow man and do something about the world instead of enjoying my life and living like nothing else in the world matters but me? I would apologise, but that's just stupid. we live in such a cynical world that we almost feel a social obligation to apologise for feeling happy or optimistic about the future, or we brush off good things that happen to us as 'dumb luck' or saying 'it was nothing'. in this culture of false humility and this climate of skepticism, we hardly celebrate or pursue true happiness. we feel an obligation to think about this or that or to 'put others before ourselves', when I believe the only way we can help others is to first help ourselves. no point doing charitable works if it doesn't give you satisfaction. true purpose and meaning emanates from within, and is only found in God. true meaning in life does not come from doing things to find purpose. true meaning in life, for me, is found first in Christ, then manifested through good works, not the other way around. giving without getting is only going to lead to empty tanks and cynical individuals. So at the risk of sounding selfish and self-centered, I propose that the only way I can be happy is when God is happy and the only way God is happy is when I do the things, think the thoughts and say the words that He would want me to at the appropriate point of time. it is complete yielding and full surrender to God, letting Him direct me and obeying Him, knowing that He is my seat belt on this roller coaster ride of life.

So I guess one of my new year's resolutions is to learn to yield to God. when He tells me to buy the $1 tissue from the blind aunty at the interchange hawker centre, I should do it instead of shooing her away. when He randomly tells me to SMS someone a cheesy Bible verse, I will do it instead of brushing off that thought. when He tells me I should give my mum a hug every now I then, I will do it instead of delaying it to some other time. when He tells me to eat more broccoli instead of chicken chop, I will do it instead of thinking it's quite a ridiculous thought. when He tells me to delete a song from my iPod, I will do it instead of leaving it there and just press next when it's played on shuffle. when He tells me to walk out of a movie, I will do it instead of sinking deeper into the seat and worrying about the repurcussions. see the wonderful thing is that God is involved in every detail of my life and He is interested in me and what I do and He has an opinion on every thing that I do. well, Noah, if you let God do everything that where are you, won't you lose your individuality? I disagree, individuality assume disassociation from God, and technically individuality implies living a life that is separate from what others want or follow or practise. but practically, my individuality is that I want God's character and Christ-likeness in me. oh, you're beginning to sound like a fundamentalist, or a religious extremist. I'm not religious, I love Jesus.

and with that I end my first post of 2011. it's going to be an awesome decade.

2.31

2010-12-14T02:42:00.001+08:00

It is 2.31 in the morning as I type this post and I have no desire to sleep. I lie in bed, snuggled comfortably under my blanket, hugging my bolster as the fan whirrs in the background.

Youth camp is over. It ended as fast as it began. I would love to do a detailed blog entry on it. Perhaps some other time. One sentence might suffice: this was the best youth camp ever.

Now that youth camp is over and I finally have some breathing space my thoughts have drifted to what I'm supposed to do before starting uni. Clearly one of the options is to find work. But this is something that I really have no interest in doing. Work bores me and tires me out. Fact is, I've never worked before in my life (something I'm quite ashamed to admit) and I'm apprehensive about starting anytime soon. I dislike the idea of working for money, although to think otherwise would be daft, I guess.

The question now is really, what's next? What's next after ord and what do I intend to do? The next nine months are precious because they represent freedom from any kind of institutional obligation. For once I am neither a student nor a soldier. I need not identify myself as one, so I must create a whole new identity of who I am and what I am.

Outward appearance is important in forging an identity. I intend to allow my hair to grow out, and see what it looks like before deciding what to do with it. I want a pair of new specs, preferably red, so I can ditch the black specs look of an NSF. I plan to get new shoes, something checkered, something versatile. I hope to get more clothes in vibrant hues, more jeans in lighter shades...

The outward appearance is nothing, though, if there is no inward change. I am no intellectual genius but I hope to hone my mental faculties before school starts. I want to read two books a month, one Christian, the other on any topic of any genre. I am serious about picking up French again. I want to learn new skills, perhaps web design or cooking.

So that's the plan for the next nine months. I also plan to be a lot more involved in church activities, building the youth ministry and helping out with the young adults. How will the next nine months be like? They had better be the most fulfilling time of my life so far.

One more week

2010-12-01T18:28:00.001+08:00

It is now only one more week to youth camp. Seven days are actually a really short period of time, gone before you know it. This is especially so if you still have quite a few things left to prepare for camp.

I'm excited, really. More so for this year's camp than I was for previous years'. Maybe it's because of the fact that I have a larger stake in it, planning it from the very start, helping to do everything from conceptualising the format to planning the games to booking the transport. Of course, I didn't do everything by myself. I was part of the process.

Being part of the process gives one much greater excitement when it comes to the actual outcome. Citizens in democracies are generally more vocal and updated about current affairs because they have a say in how they want the country to be run; student councillors are always more enthusiastic about school events partly because they are almost always involved in some way in planning for the event; best men and bridesmaids always seem more excited about the wedding (and better-dressed) than the run-of-the-mill relative who's just turning up to show face. It's great having a stake in youth camp and being able to plan it. It feels like I had a part to play in it, and when people enjoy it, I would have contributed in some way.

But I don't think my excitement for youth camp is based on just that. There is a palpable sense of anticipation, an energetic buzz going on among the youth. There are the plans for late-night shadow parties after lights out, the reminiscing about previous years' camps and the fretting over how they are going to pay the $120 camp fee. Yup youth camp fever is in the air!

But I really don't think the excitement bubbling within me is due to that to. Sure I know everything that's going to happen at camp, I know the programme inside out, I even feel the excitement from the youth. But what really, really excites me, what gets the heart pumping, the pulse racing and the eyes glittering is the anticipation of how the services will be like. How is God going to move in the camp? How are lives going to be touched? How are people going to be changed? I feel such a surge of anticipation welling up within me, it's almost unprecedented.

Maybe I can change the topic for awhile. Just now at the bus stop, a burly Indian man came up to me to ask me to give him $2. I shook my head and looked away. He promptly went to ask everyone else at the bus stop, only to be rejected the same way by all of them. At moments like these I can't help but think about Jesus saying that 'what you did for the least of these people you did for me.' clearly helping the poor, feeding the hungry and clothing the naked is a biblical command. But I couldn't for the life of me fit that burly man into the 'least of these' category. He looked healthy and strong. His voice was booming, his gait was sure and he seemed to have no physical nor mental disability that would qualify him to solicit donations from random strangers. He must have either been very desperate or very shameless to just walk up to someone and ask for money. The judgemental part of me put him under the 'too-lazy-to-work' and 'bum' category of peoples, but the ethicist in me thought perhaps I was thinking too much. Maybe he was really hard up, perhaps he had just been retrenched, or he had a criminal record and couldn't find work, and was at his wits' end and therefore had to resort to public solicitation of donations. Then the other side popped up and suggested that perhaps I was too kind. He obviously had no shame in asking. He couldn't be at his wits' end, he didn't look like a desperate man trying to survive. He looked like an alcoholic or addict needing funds for his next fix! I guess I will never know.

Whatever the case, it's sad to see such things happening on the streets of Singapore. The Straits Times' headline today boasted of the 'lowest unemployment since 1991', yet the very evening of the day that article was published I encounter something like that. Hands up if you spot the irony. The troubling thing is that this was no isolated incident. Just last month a middle-aged lady wearing a baggy top stopped me outside Tampines to ask me for $5. It's a sad day when people have to appeal for the charity of random strangers rather than go to their elected MP or government agency for help. Why then do we have all these bureaucracies if a private citizen has to take matters into his own hands? Where then is the Socialism That Works?

No point ranting on this blog anyway. The bus is reaching my destination.

Lord your goodness

2010-11-28T23:51:00.001+08:00

So what did God speak to me today? Matthew 6:33 - Seek first the kingdom of God and all His righteousness, all all these things will be added unto you. I love the how the New Living Translation puts it: Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

I actually forgot this verse, consigning it to the recesses of my memory and not really reflecting on this. But today it just popped back into my head and the more I think about it the more I realize the power of this promise. Basically it sets a premise: seek first the kingdom of God, it requires an action: living righteously and it follows with a promise: and he will give you everything you need. Now this is quite something because while we all would like God to give us everything we need, it is so so difficult to seek God first in ALL we do and to live righteously in ALL we do.

If only life were that simple.

Today I went with my family to have dinner and somehow we ended up at Yew Tee Square slurping yong tau foo and awesome chee cheong fun. What was interesting was this busker who was playing Feliz Navidad on the guitar and this lady beside him who was singing the song. It was quite surreal listening to a Christmas carol being blared from a speaker in what is probably the most heartland of Singaporean heartlands. I gave them $2 because I wanted to thank them for spreading the Christmas cheer. Okay. I'm cheap.

Christmas is coming and before that, youth camp just around the corner. I always love this time of the year. There will be free flow of food, and not just any food but the whole festive shebang: ham, turkey, shepherd's pie, log cakes...there will be the parties and gatherings, from the intimate family dinners to the outright rowdy mass gatherings. How about the presents and the avalanche of cards filled with encouraging words thanking you for being a friend for the year? Not forgetting the carols, bright and clear, sung with the same gusto and enthusiasm every year as though we never grow tired of songs that never fail to repeat themselves at this time of the year. The lights that will brighten Orchard Road and the decorations that adorn every Christmas tree. The visitations we make to anyone kind enough to open their house, and the new clothes we buy, decked out in best to look good for the post-Christmas service photographs. Man am I blessed to celebrate Christmas!

Youth camp is coming! I'm so excited. If everything goes according to plan and I do leave to study, this will be my last youth camp. It's bittersweet and I'm determined to do everything in my power to make this the best youth camp ever. However, we can plan, but only God approves. And that's the awesome thing. How is God going to move in this camp? How are people going to get touched? How are we going to encounter His presence? It's gonna be epic!

Time to sleep. ORD in five more days. :-)

Moving on

2010-11-27T02:35:00.001+08:00

Today I went to cut my hair. I hope it grows out soon coz it looks totally weird now with the sides growing out. No thanks to my short cut in the army. I'm finally going to ord next week, on Friday and I feel like a new man. Haha. I have half a mind to buy new spectacles, clothes and shoes and dye my hair to celebrate, but I'll see how it goes.

Birthday bash is tomorrow. It's fantastic that we are having it. The games look like tremendous fun and the turnout is going to be amazing. And I really hope we see people getting saved.

Recently I've been having a crisis of confidence. Ok, maybe those words are a little bit strong. But what's bugging me is being left out because of the choices I made. Before I entered the army I was determined that I not allow the army to change me, that I would go in and leave not allowing myself to be influenced by the people I meet but rather to influence them. I really am so grateful to my livewire friends for anchoring me and encouraging me all these two years.

Looking back I am proud of what I have achieved. Not only have I stayed serving in ministry these two years, but I've led three different life groups, planned two youth camps, one birthday bash and attended countless meetings. I went through two years determined to keep my mouth clean of vulgarities, I didn't take a sip of alcohol, or a puff of smoke, or a step into a club. I didn't take part in a dirty conversation, nor did I sneak a peek at a men's magazine, nor did I give in to the peer pressure to watch porn. I tried hard to do everything well, to be friendly to everyone, to lend a helping hand when needed, to be responsible in my duties and to follow the rules. In other words, I set crazy high standards for myself and I worked hard to live by them. Not trying to blow my horn or flaunt my 'holiness', far from trying to let people think I am 'holy', I think it was more a personal challenge I gave to myself. Whether or not I passed with flying colours is not up to me to judge.

Some wonder why I place all those restrictions on myself. Why is it so black and white? Why do you draw a line and stand 10kilometres away from it? Why do you intentionally deny yourself? Why can't you relax for a second? Loosen yourself up a little. Give yourself a break. What's wrong with wanting to live it up?

I find myself asking that question a lot. As one grows older, one is faced with a greater challenge to make decisions that honestly, have no right or wrong. The standard decision-making process is to rationalize and use reason and logic to justify a certain course of action. It's okay to drink if you don't get drunk. You can order the lighter drinks and skip the heavy liquour. It's a must to club because you need to gain more exposure and widen your social circle. Besides, there's no harm because you are going in a large group and you can choose not to drink if you don't want to. Nothing wrong with watching porn, you're just curious, and it's your own private affair. Vulgarities are a good way of relieving stress, it's scientifically proven. Oh how we seduce ourselves with our superior intellect, our lust for new experiences and our rational justifications. How often do I believe my own rational mind, how easily do I sometimes buy into my own propaganda.

Honestly, it's tough to go against the flow. Why choose to stick out like a sore thumb when it's so much easier to follow others? Why do you have to be so adamant against somethings? Why restrict yourself if you see nothing wrong?Honestly I don't have a very good answer, if I were to appeal to logic and reason.

The truth is I'm afraid. I'm not afraid of rejection or abandonment or being left out as much as I am afraid of losing myself. I seem to resist very strongly things that are 'adultish'. I still order teh pengs on very cold mornings when a hot tea would be better. I dress in my t shirts and jeans and my old sneakers from jc rather than graphic tees or button shirts. I carry my sling bag from jc as well. I'm afraid to grow up perhaps. Or maybe I'm still this overgrown kid with a mind of an adult but the heart of a child. No desire to grow up but wanting to be treated like an adult. Clearly my maturity level isn't where I think it is.

But upon further reflecting, tomorrow's birthday bash symbolizes why I choose what I choose. I take pride in my role as a youth leader. I have been one since I was 15, probably the youngest youth leader ever. I take pride in the fact that I constantly tried to punch above my weight, refusing to let anyone look down on me because I was (and still am) young. Nothing fills me with greater pride and humility at the same time that knowing that there are dozens of teenagers who look up to me and accept my leadership. Not that I might be their role model but that they allow me to speak into their lives and choose to hang out with me even if I may be as many as seven years older than some of them.

I look forward to Saturdays. It hardly occurs to me how many things I could do if I don't go for youth. I enjoy spending time with all these teens. I feel so humbled to be given the chance to lead them and to show them how to live a life that God would want them to lead. When I confronted with a decision, I find myself askin what would I want to see my youth doing if they were placed in my shoes. I worry that if I falter this once, I might legitimize someone doing it in the future. And the more I think, the greater the sense of responsibility that weighs on me.

Why draw a line and stand 10kilometres away from it? Maybe for every youth who has to stand behind that line, the further I get from it. For every decision to be made, I stand further away from it. To compromise on one issue is really to compromise my credibility to lead. Truth is, I love these people. It's not easy to explain, but they energize me, they challenge me and they invigorate me. They infuse my life with purpose and directed me onto the right steps. And every part of me just wants to make sure they turn out fine.

I'm afriad of losing out. I'm afraid that for every outing I turn down because of the youth ministry I increase my chances of not being close to my friends my age. I'm afraid for every club I do not go to, for every vulgarity I do not spout, for every drink I refuse to down, I risk being seen as out-of-place, a party-pooper, a spoilsport and worse, a social misfit. I grimace with every shocked look produced in reaction to my declaration tha I don't drink. I cringe everytime a conversation starts that I have no part in. I sometimes feel left out, I sometimes feel out of place.

Why draw a line and stand 10kilometres away from it? I can't rationally explain it. I can only say I love God and I love the people He has entrusted me with and as much as I struggle as a moth struggles not to approach a flame, I try to live a life that those people under me can aspire to live. I study hard, I work hard, I live well and I go home early. It's so hard to do but I'm so honoured to give it a try.

I believe God's eyes are scanning this earth looking for someone who would dare to be different, who would not buy into the conventional wisdom of the world. Like a modern-day Abraham who will trust God and move out of his comfort zone to claim a new land and found a new nation; or a Moses who will overcome his past to defy the Pharoah and lead his people to freedom; or a Joseph who will trust God through 17 years of trials and testing and emerge as the Prime Minister of Egypt; or perhaps a David who will stare at Goliath in the face and take him down with nothing but a slingshot and a huge dollop of faith in an omnipotent God; or a Paul who will quit his job as a highly recognized priest to in his own words, run the race and keep the faith. I don't pretend I'm anything like these great men in the people. I don't compare myself to them. All I know is that God gave them a destiny to impact their generation and He has a destiny for everyone to serve their generation. Some will run from it, some will deny it, some will never know but some will rise to that challenge and say Yes We Can to God.

I know it sounds crazy, especially if you don't believe in God, much less a divine destiny, but I believe in that and I'm not going to miss my calling.

"if you can use anything won't you use me/take me and break me and mould me and make me/you died for me so I'm living for you." - Reedemer, Planetshakers

last night

2010-11-25T00:26:00.001+08:00

As i write this i am spending my last night in camp. I write this with perhaps a heavy heart. I've never been good with farewells, even something as unhappy as the army. Maybe i won't be able to sleep tonight, what with all the thoughts running through my head.

Maybe i've learnt a lot of things in the army. I've learnt a lot about myself. That maybe i thought more highly of myself than i really should. It exposed a lot of weaknesses and a lot of insecurities and a whole bunch of fears, like i never seen before. Perhaps i am not as smart or resilient of savvy or intelligent or wise or a lot more things that i once thought i was. Perhaps one word could summarise this journey: humility.

One can never get away from the people one meets. You make friends, some help you, some go out of their way to stick up for you. You think you know some people but you realise actually you don't know anything at all. You think you got someone figured out until they totally surprise you all over again. You think you've seen it all but actually you've seen nothing at all. You win some and you also lose some. You make friends you want to keep for life, you meet people you hope to actually forget.

This is my last night in camp and i have a million and one thoughts going through my head. This is my attempt to pen some of them now so they will not be lost in the cosmic nothingness of forgetting. I can't wait to ord and move on. At the same time i'm sad to leave some place i lived for two years without making my full mark on it. I guess life goes on.

i survived

2010-10-21T16:49:00.000+08:00

i survived a rather harrowing incident today. i nearly got run over by a car. the story goes like this: i went to Kranji Camp this morning for my dental FFI. the thing about the camp is that its gate faces a huge, long four-laned road that has no traffic light except at its start and end. when i went to the camp i was afraid that i would be late so i jaywalked, and made it there safely. on my way out, i actually walked all the way to the traffic light because i thought that it might be safer. however, i was just so distracted by things many, many things on my mind (and the dog running around at the K-9 unit behind me) that i crossed the road without knowing that the light was still red. you see i assumed the light had turned in my favour because the traffic travelling in the direction on my right had stopped, but i had not expected that the traffic light for the other direction had not changed and so i walked without realizing. before i knew it, this light blue Hyundai just zoomed in front of me, and i got the shock of my life.

my first reaction was to be pissed because i thought that the car had run the red light, until i looked up and saw, to my horror, the traffic light for pedestrians was still red! i quickly walked backwards to safety (i still don't know why i walked backwards instead of just turning and walking normally). i was really quite shaken because i've never really been in a traffic incident before and i just knew that somehow i nearly got myself into a potentially fatal car accident. i said my prayers and thanked God for protection and went on.

it didn't occur to me until i got home that God had really intervened in that moment. had i walked any faster, i would probably be lying in a hospital bed right now. i really thank God for protecting me. and when i think back, i think either God has a terrific sense of humour or He's trying to scare me back to my senses. for the longest time i've been asking God for a new encounter, like nothing before. i wanted to see God present and real in my daily life, every single minute of it. and it was at that road junction, outside of Kranji Camp, that God revealed Himself to me in a whole new way. He was my protector, every second of every day of my life. it was quite awesome to know that He is always with me and He never leaves me nor forsakes me. Praise the Lord!

if cars don't kill me, then Indonesian farmers will attempt to do so. they've been setting fires to their forests like it's some massive Chinese New Year celebration gone wrong or something. the haze today is really, really bad. i can't see the sea from my room. the whole place is just hazy, hazy, hazy. it's sad that they are actually doing this because they have to survive, they have to clear land to plant crops, etc. it's sad because they don't have a choice, and they probably wouldn't be burning trees if they had some other way to earn a living. it's also sad because rainforests - that wonderful, lush, tropical, emerald terrain that sustains entire ecosystems, provides numerous resources and prevents global warming - are being ruthlessly condemned to incineration, like a hell on earth for trees.

it sucks because Singapore actually looks tremendously hazy right now. although the haze does lend a certain misty, London-esque, Genting-esque feel to the cityscape, you know that what you're breathing in is the end-product of on-fire Indonesian trees. apparently in Muar, Johor, the PSI is more than 400. if what we have in Singapore is 80, then i shudder to think what 400 might be. if it were up to me, i would fine the Indonesian government so many millions that they actually get scared and start cleaning up. i would then use the money collected from the fines to start sustainable farming practices in the Sumatran provinces. i would also use the money to buy fire-fighting equipment to put out any fires and i would crackdown on all the jokers who continue to burn trees like it's a joke, i would name them and shame them and throw them into a prison cell with a burning pile of paper and see if they choke to death. (ok, no i won't be so sadistic, but it's an idea)

it's interesting that when something is 'on fire', it also produces alot of smoke. funny how we always pray that we want to be 'on fire' for God, or say that a soccer player who scores many goals a player who is 'on fire'. could much of being 'on fire' be smoke? could producing fire mean that smoke is inevitable? so how much of passion is fire, and how much of it is smoke? how much of it is actually raw energy, and how much of it is an unwanted 'by-product'? interesting food for thought there...

i'm still preparing for the interview on Monday. totally wasted three days and now i'm getting to it, finally. i hope i'll be able to do well. should just go in there and turn off nervousness, turn on mouth and talk until i impress them enough to offer me a place. haha. c'mon mouth, don't fail me now.

RIP Mrs Lee

2010-10-12T14:39:00.000+08:00

It's been quite some time since i last posted. Time flew by and since august so many new and interesting things have come up. it is now the 12th of october and i am looking at 7 more weeks to ORD. once ORD arrives, maybe i will finally be able to blog about another topic.

i haven't been able to update my blog regularly because maybe i haven't had time over the weekends and even on the weekdays i am on off. i've been busy primarily with stuff to do in church. i'm doing the run-up for our Christmas event and it's a very exciting program that we've got lined up and i'm due to produce the outline and the target card content by this Sunday. working with the adults on Christmas is really quite an exciting thing to do. it's a refreshing change compared to the youth-level events that i've been involved in for some time now. maybe it's because we have more leaders and a more de-centralised system of event-planning now that it's freed up other leaders to take on new roles in church-level events. Estee and I are in Christmas, Derek and Jeri in Leaders' Summit, Jovina and I in Valentine's Day...it's really a new challenge everytime we get to try something new and work with new people.

i've also been busy working on my university applications. Thankfully i was given off these two days to touch up the final applications to UK. i have an interview with Cambridge up on 25 October and i'm just thankful that the sterling pound dropped quite drastically so instead of having to pay S$300 for the 100pound application fee if i had applied last year, i only need to pay $200 this year, a 100-dollar saving for nothing at all. forex changes can sometimes be very beneficial. so i've got about two more weeks to prepare for the interview and i've been reading up more about psychology, because it's an area that i'm really not familiar with at all, but part of the Politics, Psychology and Sociology course that i'm applying to, so i need to brush up on that part lest i get owned in the interview.

Mrs Lee Kuan Yew died around two weeks ago. it was quite an epic event. to see the Minister Mentor, the Prime Minister, the CEO of Temasek Holdings (30th-most powerful woman in the world), the Chairman of F&N and CAAS and the director of the National Neuroscience Insitute standing by the casket and receiving visitors at the wake, one gets a sense of just how influential and powerful the matriach of this outstanding family really is. to read of ambassadors from as far afield as China and Britain, Malaysian royalty and former ministers and children of former presidents and ministers attending together with ordinary men and women on the street tells of the reach and impact of her life and the lives of her family members.

i had honestly never cared much about Mrs Lee, she was never in the limelight, always walking, in her own words, 'two steps behind' her husband. not until she died did i realise what an outstanding woman she really was. apparently she was first in class at Raffles College, a more commendable achievement considering she was the only girl in that cohort, beating even Lee Kuan Yew that year. she was also a Cambridge law graduate, top of her class too. upon her return to Singapore, she was a founding member of the PAP, helping to draft the Constitution and the Separation Agreement, recruiting women to run for elections and helping to influence the passing of the Women's Charter. In her private life, she raised three children who eventually grew up to be a politician, a corporate bigwig and a doctor. most women would consider raising just one child to be a successful a adult a considerable achievement. not only was she a mother and a political wife, she was also running a law firm, Lee and Lee, earning money to support the family, even prompting Lee Kuan Yew to say that he was a 'kept man'.

i cannot but be intrigued at the scale of her accomplishments. more than just a woman behind the successful man, she was every bit a successful woman in her own right. how many women, even in today's world can claim to run law firms while raising three children? how many could claim to graduate top of their class from Raffles College and Cambridge, the top institutions in their respective countries? it occured to me that she really was quite an intellectual giant. i'm amazed that a man like Lee Kuan Yew was able to meet a woman like Kwa Geok Choo. the life she lived was one that i really admire.

seeing Lee Kuan Yew kissing her forehead at her funeral, and Lee Hsien Loong's puffy eyes at the wake, i cannot help but see, for the first time, these public figures in a new light. it is as though they had finally shed their public personas in exchange for a more human face. gone were the fiery eyes of Lee Kuan Yew or the confident smile of Lee Hsien Loong, and in were the furrowed brows of a man who lost the woman he loved and the haggard look of a son who had lost his mother. funny how we often forget that the very people we see everyday in the papers and on the news are also ordinary people with ordinary families and possess ordinary emotions, except that these were ordinary people leading extraordinary lives.

the death of someone so illustrious and prolific has further reinforced my perception of the vulnerability of our humanity. sure we may become leaders of nations and militaries and mighty corporations, we might amass sufficient power and influence to give us the illusion of having the ability to command winds and subdue oceans, yet there will come a day when we will near the finishing line and inevitably cross it. sure, if you were successful enough or famous enough perhaps your death would be honoured with an elaborate funeral, a massive wake, a national outpouring of grief and flags flying at half-mast. perhaps the movers and shakers of today would deliver glowing eulogies and the most popular pop starts will sing at your funeral, but we all end the same, in the coffin, in the furnace, doomed to return to the ash we were created from.

thank God for the opportunity to live forever, for the chance to live eternal life that begins now. thank God that a life in Him is never wasted, never despondent and never pointless. thank God for a destiny and a purpose to fulfill, thank Him for plans for our lives.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope, and a future" - Jeremiah 29:11

RIP Mrs Lee

Time for a new post

2010-08-04T19:27:00.001+08:00

Looks like bus rides are great sources of inspiration for a blog post. I'm making my way to church now to attend what is probably my first prayer meeting since youth camp last year. How long has it been since I spent a Wednesday out of camp?

I've been appointed to do saigang duty at woodlands for the upcoming ndp, although I'm not sure if I'm allowed to blog about what I'm doing (all this national security stuff and the resultant censorship...)

As a result of the duty, I'm on a one-day work, one-day off schedule and it is certainly fantastic. Totally enjoying this pseudo-civilianhood.

It has come to my attention that a wardrobe overhaul is in order. Maybe 'overhaul' is too strong a word, but I would like new clothes, new shoes and a new bag thank you very much. A few new pairs of socks would be quite nice also.

It is august and national day is around the corner. I think I might blog about national day some day when it does draw nearer, as well as the youth olympics. Soon it will be Hari raya, deepavali, and then time to ORD, soon it'll be Christmas, then I'll be going on vacation somewhere, finding a job, finding out which uni I'll be attending, flying off for one other holiday, etc etc. The next year will fly by really fast I think. Instead of thinking how many more months I have till ord maybe I should start thinking, "one more year to start of uni!"

I'm reaching church soon…

2010-07-31T14:15:00.001+08:00

I'm blogging on the bus again as I make my way from yishun to katong for church. Today started out really early, with driving at 830 at tampines, then I went off to woodlands and yishun and now off to katong. Even though it's only 1.37pm as I write this I am so tired.

As it stands, I have come to conclude that I can't wait for ord to come. 4 months may not sound like long, but it is an eternity to wait when the object of your waiting is freedom - from stiff rules and regulations, from the threat of ad-hoc punishments, from last-minute duties, from long days of unproductive stoning, from communal toilets, from endless waiting to book out, and the list goes on.

Last week I was at tekong, and looking at the recruits there I can't believe how far I've come, not in terms of improvement physically or mentally, but purely in the amount of time that has passed. 20 months have gone by since I stepped on that sunny island a bright-eyed if slightly apprehensive and massively reluctant long-haired eighteen-year old. Today, I teether on the cusp of adulthood waiting frustratedly for the pink plastic card that means so many things, most of all freedom from military duties. Funny how a piece of plastic and its colour can have such important implications and mean so much.

Today, as I looked at the recruits in tekong I couldn't help but have mixed feelings. Oh how I wished I could return to the (relatively) carefree and worry-free days of BMT, how I want to regain that feeling when everything was new and fresh and interesting, when the schedules were predictable, and when they never changed the book out timing. At the same time, I thought that I could never go back to the time when everywhere you went you had to fall in first and number off before you could march and when you marched you had to sing at the top of your voice. I would never want to have a schedule that included two PT sessions and a close combat lesson in the same day. I wouldn't ever want to wake up to 5BX and water parades anymore.

For all my verbose ramblings about the army my main lament is the lack of control of my own time. As we head into the second half of the year, the ministry commitments are only going to increase. Hi-touches, life groups, youth services, ushering, leaders' meetings, now what sessions, mentoring, discipleship, 3rd Birthday Bash, Youth Camp 2010, and most recently, Christmas Comm. As much as I would like to be at every single one of them, the very fact that the weekdays are spent in Sungei Gedong, on the very western end of our island, and that weekends that must include family dinners, driving lessons, church and the occasional secondary school/JC friends gathering are sometimes threatened by weekend duties is just crazy on the schedule. In addition to this, I have to study for FTT, do my applications for university and catch up on my reading. As I write this I can't believe how much stuff has been going on. More than I even realize. Some things have been put on the back burner, like writing my personal statement, learn French and vacation trips.

Problem is, life is probably going to get busier after army. At least when you're in the army you can blame it for your tight and messy schedule, but when you're out there's really no excuse. All the things that have been put on the back burner because of the army will come into the picture, plus a need to find a decent, useful and well-paying job/attachment since ord-ing would mean a cut in the income stream. You can't blame me for being tired...

Matthew 6:33 says: 'but seek first the Kingdom of God and all His righteousness, then all these things will be added to you as well' I guess I'm really having on hang on to these words right now. Despite the busy and tight schedule, I don't feel stressed, only guilty that in having to make choices, some people have to be turned down. Stress, no. Tired, yes. Which is why I can't wait to ord because I want to go on an epic holiday somewhere far and exotic, just to take a break. Australia? The Philippines? North Korea? Tibet? Sri Lanka? They all sound fantastic. I think the principle of Matt 6:33 is so much more true especially living in times like these, when multitasking is practically a requirement, and 'upgrading' and 'productivity' are the buzzwords that mandate constant learning of new skills, pushing of old boundaries and finding of ways to do more with less. Singapore society is no pressure-cooker but it is certainly no walk-in-the-park either. In some ways, it is inevitable, we're such a small and insignificant island, if we don't work harder, longer and smarter then how else are we going to find our place in the world? It is however, too easy to blame society and its ills and demands on our unrelentingly stressful and demanding lifestyles when the ultimate steward of our time is ourselves and the choices we make with what we want to do with our time. I'm learning about priorities...

Time for a new post

2010-07-17T01:18:00.000+08:00

i shall go back to blogging on the computer. blogging on the iphone is mobile but highly uncomfortable because i don't like the mini-touch-screen keyboard.

i've been wanting to blog about Toy Story 3, and i shall do it now. i must confess that i nearly cried at the end of the movie when Andy was playing with his toys with the little girl whose name i've forgotten. so sentimental right? the reason why i was pushing back tears was because the movie addressed a theme that i've been dealing with for some time now. which is about leaving behind your childhood and embracing a new chapter in life: adulthood. apparently, and rather obviously, Toy Story 3 was not made for the children of this generation, but rather for people of my generation, the late teen-early twenties set who would be old enough to remember Toy Story 1 and 2. clearly we were the intended audience. the jokes employed in the movie also were too "mature" for younger kids to get, like Ken's vanity, Barbie's bimboness, references to college, etc. so it was at the end of the movie when Andy was packing his stuff and ready to head off to college that i really understood what the movie was about.

the toys really represented his childhood, or rather they were symbolic of childhood, that sweet, innocent time of our lives where two hours seemed like a real long time, where cartoons were still funny, and it didn't take a dirty joke to make you laugh. Andy's heading off to college and subsequent packing of his toys were representative of how everyone has to come-of-age, the crossroads in our life when we choose to forget or leave behind our childish ways and step into the great unknown of adulthood. for some of us, that transition is easy, without fuss, almost natural. many people ease into adulthood and its subsequent vices, pleasures and pains that are so detached from childhood vices, pleasures and pains. but for others, like Andy, leaving behind that time of his life was an extremely difficult thing to do. his reluctance symbolic in his initial decision to keep all his toys in the attic, instead of throwing them away, bringing a picture of him and his toys as well as Woody, his favourite toy, with him to college. it showed he didn't really want to leave all that behind, that they were very much still a part of him and his identity and his dilemma in wanting to move on while still holding on to that very happy, carefree past.

i think i can identify with Andy in that sense. it doesn't help that being a youth leader, i am in constant contact with people who remind me of the glorious, carefree, innocent past. i rue lost innocence, how friends now talk about girlfriends, breakups, about the latest clubs and the difference between one and a pub and nightclub. i rue the fact that the main drink of parties and gatherings nowadays is not coke but coke mixed with vodka. i rue the passing of days when the advent of dusk meant time to go home for dinner, and any desire to stay out later would mean a call or sms back to ask the parents nicely. i find it weird that friends now drive to once far-flung or inconvenient-to-reach places rather than take the mrt and bus together. all those times, days of being a teenager, when you were testing the boundaries of your independence, exploring new places, new concepts, new ways of relating to people, suddenly all that new-ness, that exhilaration of discovering something new, that high of adventure of moulding and shaping your personality, your individuality becomes duller. that rush you got when you went to a place for the first time, met a friend for the first time, stayed out late for the first time becomes merely a stale wind, a been-there-done-that feeling.

i hate that growing older means having to be more responsible, and also means more freedoms. when you were young and still under your parents' control, right meant right and wrong meant you would like to try it when you were older or legal. more freedom means more grey areas, more having to make a stand for what you believe in and what you reject. more freedom means more nights out, more exposure to, among other things, booze, sex, vulgarities, drugs. more freedom means being able to do the things your parents told you not to and getting away with it. it means that you could no longer hide behind legalistic ramblings when you disapprove of something, when the very action or thought so grates against your soul that you choose not to do it even though you know full well that 'everyone else is doing the same thing, what'. more freedom means more choices and but not necessarily more responsibility for the consequences of making that choice. which is why i wanted to stay young, when you knew that buying alcohol meant breaking the law and i could easily deflect drinking, hiding behind age restrictions. but now it means that i really have to stand up against that.

i think i am like Andy, that there will always be that part of me that will want to put my toys in the attic rather than throwing them all away so that someday, when i am most needy and lost, i can take them out and play with them again, to relive my glory teen years, or even childhood years before keeping them away again and stepping back into reality. toys take you away from reality, which can be so hard and unfeeling. reality strips away imagination, prevents you from escaping to an alternate dimension, where you are the boss of the world and you set your rules. reality forces you to conform to convention, in order to survive, reality mandates that you blend in, accept mindlessly the prevalent mode of thought, follow aimlessly along to the direction of the horde. being an adult, throwing your toys away, means stepping into reality, a world devoid of dreams, idealism and imagination. we can, and should, therefore, never really throw our toys away. we need to hold on to that part of us when we were still young, impressionable and easily excitable, lest we lose sense of what it means to dream, to imagine, to create and to experience. when we get sucked into the vortex of reality, we lose ourselves, we become a face in the crowd, but another person in a sea of human beings wandering aimlessly, lacking in direction. we need to be like Andy, playing with that little girl. we need to get in touch with that period of time when we had big dreams, when we wanted to be a rock star, an astronaut, a doctor, a comedian...when anything in the world seemed possible so long as you could dream it. we need to convince ourselves that it's okay to be a kid again, to laugh, to be excited, and above all, to experience everything with that same mix of excitement, eagerness and apprehension a child experiences all at the same time when he's doing something for the very first time. we need to pass on that youthful optimism and idealism to the next generation, to allow our juniors, younger brothers and sisters, our cousins, nieces and nephews and ultimately our children to play, to imagine and to dream.

Toy Story 3 touched me in such a profound and moving way. i will be going to college next year, whether NUS or somewhere else God has set for me, it will be one more step into adulthood. Toy Story 3 taught me that to really move on you cannot forget what it meant to be a child. like Andy, i will have to choose to whether to keep my toys in the attic or to give them to someone else to enjoy, to pass on those experiences to someone else. i guess that really puts serving in the youth ministry as a Life Group Leader into perspective. i thank God for the opportunity to empower, inspire and impact a whole new generation of youth entering into adulthood, to teach, guide and sometimes correct them, helping them learn as they grow, and as i grow. i occasionally feel inadequate, i am feeling my own way through life, who am i to guide someone else through their own? yet i feel privileged, to be involved in someone else's life that way. i thank the Toy Story 3 team for putting together a true cinematic masterpiece: one that is entertaining and at the same time deeply moving and meaningful. hands down the best movie of the year not because of the jokes or animation or characters, but because it made me feel like i was part of the movie, if but a bit part, it made me relate to it because it hit home the very issues i've been mulling over, about growing up and what it means: to leave things behind, to embrace new things, to be a childish adult or an adult with an inner child. it left me vindicated of my decisions to preserve my childhood/teenhood experiences, and it gave me reassurance that i was not alone in facing this dilemma. perhaps i am over-analysing things, or perhaps i'm just too sensitive or sentimental, but i will give myself this leeway. oh how i wish i could be a kid forever.

2010-07-02T00:52:00.001+08:00

Lord hear our cry
Come heal our land
Breathe life into these dry and thirsty souls

Lord hear our prayer
Forgive our sins
And as we call on your name would you make this a place for your glory to dwell

Open the blind eyes
Unlock the deaf ears
Come to your people
As we draw near
Hear us from heaven
Touch our generation
We are your people crying out in desperation

Hear us from heaven

I see the King of Glory
Riding on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes

I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sins
The people sing
The people sing

Hosanna hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on out knees
We're on out knees

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

It's dark

2010-06-27T00:31:00.001+08:00

I shall squeeze in a short post before turning in for the night.

I was back at church again after a Sunday burnt in camp. It's always a good feeling to be back. It uplifts, it rejuvenates and refreshes. This was the first actual life group session since the revamp and I thought it went pretty well actually.

Had a great Time Alone With God too. Doing TAWG in the army is really not good at all, having to contend with other bunkmates' conversations, or some dude's music playing in the background. It just feels so good to be in the privacy and comfort of my own room to read the Bible and pray out loud.

I will sleep now. Writers block. Just had to blog about the TAWG session. I'm satisfied now.

Changes

2010-06-13T17:26:00.001+08:00

I was just browsing facebook and found out that my j2 gp tutor is married to by j1 pe teacher! What a surprise! Sure I heard the rumours but I guess I never really remembered them or took them seriously, but they look so happy in the facebook profile pic and it's just great that there is one more couple out there.

Service today was wonderful. Ps Andy lim spoke preached from John 15, the famous passage about the true vine and the branches, a passage I've heard many times before (even have a book on it). Funny how it was only on Friday that Terry was asking me whether pastors repeat passages and points and whether we get bored if the messages are similar. I guess I would have to agree to some extent it might get boring listening to messages from passages preached on before. However, today's message made me realize that each individual messsage carries its individual meaning and annointing and even if points are repeated inadvertedly, it does not detract from the overall impact of the message, since all scripture is God-breathed and useful for so many situations. Very thought-provoking.

I'm very sleepy now. I hardly get any sleep on weekends, with life group on Fridays and Saturdays, waking early in Sundays for pre-service and all. It's quite exhausting but very fulfilling at the same time. Think my life will be alot less exciting or colourful without church.

Went out with the section to this not bad steamboat place. I can't really rave about it because it is just steamboat, after all. But the price was so good: $15.80 per pax, nett, which totally owns seoul garden. I'll definitely be back, possibly with the army people.

I then headed on to ps kenny's house to visit him as he was recovering from a fracture. Apparently the x ray machines in Malaysia couldn't detect any fractures, but the Singapore hopsitals detected fractures at two locations. No prizes for guessing which country has the better medical service.

Will take a nap now...

Facebook

2010-06-12T17:25:00.001+08:00

I just uploaded half of the pictures taken in India while we were at the taj mahal. It was really frustrating trying to do the whole album last night because the computer kept hanging. It's been nearly three months since India and it's still hard to believe I was at the taj mahal. At least I've finally got around to uploading the pictures.

The world cup kicked off yesterday night in south africa. I managed to catch the opening match featuring the hosts against Mexico. In all honesty it was quite a disappointing way to kick off the world cup. Would have preferred to see another more famous team playing the hosts. I'm definitely rooting for Spain this year. All the lfc players in Spain...wish this year's subscription didn't cost so much. Alas I am on a bus and have neither the time nor the will to write about why FIFA should burn for it's greed, although it would make a good topic for a future blog post…

I am reaching my destination. This post shall end here.

A new blog post

2010-06-05T22:50:00.001+08:00

Another day, another blog post. Since o got this blogging app ove been feeling so much more inclined to blogging.

Church camp is on Monday and the only thought on my mind is: I cannot go!!! Which really sucks because church camps have been a regular fixture for June since forever. I'm told that I have been attending church camps ever since I was a partially-forme embryo in my mother's womb. So it's been a heck of a long time.

Today's service was just amazing. God always shows up when His people gather. And it was a wonderful word Derek delivered today and really stirred up the youth. I wish I could go back to the days of ignite, youth camps, etc where I was just so immersed and caught up in God's move. Today kinda reminded me of such times.

Want to go and sleep now. So tired. I was having a meeting with the section leaders and SPs just now and it was a really fruitful time where we got to share why we chose to be leaders and what leadership was about and to hear from them. I'm really excited about what's going to happen and I believe it's going to be amazing.

I want to cultivate this habit of reading a book just before I go to sleep. There are a few options: In Heaven by Dean Braxton, a testiominy of his death and subsequent encounters in heaven; and Singapore Lion by Irene Ng, a biography of S. Rajaratnam. I've been wanting to start but it's outrageously thick so I think I'll take my time. I'm actually halfway through In Heaven so I think I'll complete that before the next one. The last book I read was The Shape Of The World To Come by this French author. By the way I have to return it to the library before I start paying ridiculous fines.

So sleepy. Shall do tawg and read some books and go to sleep. Service tomorrow will be amazing as usual.

A true prince of Persia

2010-06-04T19:31:00.001+08:00

Surprisingly the very first thing that popped into my head this morning was: 'bookout day!'. After one and a half years in the army I have grown a bit jaded and desensitized to the intial rush of booking out a recruit usually experiences. That's why it was surprising when the thought popped into my head first thing in the morning.

We booked out early for a morning run at west coast park. My first time there really. And truth be told I wasn't impressed since it was a green afterthought to its illustrious namesake east coast park. But why am I comparing parks here? So unnecessary..

Finally went to watch prince of persia with Terry and sgt Ian today. We went to this very obscure theatre on the 9th floor of cineleisure. I ha no idea there were theatres on the 9th floor. You do learn something new everyday!

Some thoughts about the city harvest case. It's sad that many people are quick to judge and speculate about elaborate ponzi schemes, money laundering, forced conversions and bible manipulation and other alarming conspiracy theories that have been thrown around. The yahoo news article was in fact tremendously biased by comparing the current case to previous scandals like NKF and Ren Ci. Shows how eager out media are for another scandal in otherwise staid Singapore.

The truth of the matter is that really no one has the right to criticise city harvest, especially if they are not members or have never even given a cent to the church. All of a sudden netizens are clamouring for justice and the 'protection of the religious flock'. Nobody cared when they sent two rescue teams to Haiti. Singaporeans. Always capable of double standards and hypocrisy. Now this is not to say that corruption is okay or none of anyone's business. What it means is that we should reserve judgement or even condemnation before any evidence is gathered or anything is determined. And especially since this is a sensitive issue concerning south east asia's largest church and money.

Personally I see no wrong in a rich church. They have $100m in reserves. It is a very substantial sum but did God desire that His church be poor. It is a lie tha churches should keep 'just enough' money and not chalk up reserves. How much is too much anyway? What is the standard? $1m is a large sum of money too. How is $50m any less than $100m? What is wrong with the church ploughing money in sound, secure investments. Did no Jesus tell in the parable of the talents that who has more and is a good steward will be given more and who is given less, even what little he has will be taken away from him? If the church had wanted to steward the money they had well and grow it, there is no wrong in my opinion. The possession of money alone is no wrong. It is the LOVE of money that is the root of all evil. Did city harvest show a LOVE for money? Was it greater than the love for God. If the investigations were indeed justified by showing people who were as such, then it will be up to the law to get them.

I personally do not believe that the founding members of the church were greedy or that they founded the church to earn a profit. They started in hotel function halls, they built up an organisation from barely anything to a flourishing congregation. Doctrinal differences or otherwise, city harvest has indeed grown to be a great Christian organisation. If their style or ways of doing things were displeasing to God then it will be His prerogative to censure and avenge. But the fact of the matter is that non-members like us have no right to judge or condemn. Rather than bandy around conspiracy theories of church rivalries, doctrinal distortions and other divisive allegations, should be not instead be showing solidarity? After all, the church is the body of Christ and when one member of the body hurts, the entire body hurts as well.

2010-05-31T12:17:00.001+08:00

The mrt ride is boring, the clouds outside look like they might send a few Olympic-size swimming pools down onto our fair shores.

Some thoughts about recent events: yesterday Singapore beat china 3-1 at the world table tennis team championships in Moscow. I learnt about the news on facebook actually. A fundamental shift in how people are keeping themselves updated with recent events. I remember the first time watching the women's table tennis team was jing jun hong's loss to this Taiwanese lady in the bronze medal match at the Sydney olympics in 2000. 10 years on I read they're world champions.

I still can't really shake off the feeling that the entire team is made up exclusively from Chinese imports. While I have never really bothered about their country of origin as long as we were losing to china, this victory really brings up the question of how authentic and local this win really is. How also does this augur for local born athletes? Will this victory merely reinforce the notion that foreigners are perenially better than locals? Will this impede efforts to breed sportsmen and women from young, since it's easier to just make a trip to china, Indonesia or taiwan and entice their athletes to our country to fly our flag?

I also can't help but think about the recent oil spill off east coast and changi. It was certainly unfortunate and I thought the rescue efforts were quite well done. Now I'm wonderig who will bear the cost?will the company that owns the tanker be sued?

As I cruise down Still Road on bus 93 on the way to the comfort driving centre to book my FTT, my thoughts drift to the book in later at 10pm. Soon there will be no more book ins. How soon? 6 months. Still some way to go. But hey! NS is 75% over! Hurry, pink ic, don't keep me waiting...

Musings from my iPhone

2010-05-30T16:47:00.005+08:00

I am sitting at a bus stop in tampines waiting for 17 to arrive as I type this post. Today was a really eventful day, from a horrible driving lesson to a really fun section party in church to the sombre wake of a dear friend's father.

The past few days have been quite a blur, slacking around in the bunk playing pokemon. I have inevitably sunk into the ord mood despite it being slightly over six months to go. Can't wait to bust out of that dreadful, dreary camp that has only come to epitomize my restricted life, come to symbolize but frustration and yet patience.

Last week I wa put down for ndp duty. The implication of that was that I would have to attend 12 straight Sundays of rehearsals. Even as I think about it now, I can't shake off that feeling of uber dread that I was experiencing even as I contemplated not going to church for 3 solid months. Thank God for seeing this through and now I'm out. It made me realize now how much time I spend in church and how my life just revolves around it and it really made me appreciate much more the real privilege it is to be found, week after week, in the house of God.

I was at Goh Keng Swee's funeral on Sunday. Such a privilege, really to be able to go. He was a really important figure, a Titan, unlike any other and I believe many singaporeans are indebted to this great man. To be at the funeral in the company of the nation's movers and shakers, to listen to glowing and at times heartfelt tributes to a founding father from the likes of lee kwan yew, was really a privilege.

Now I'm on the bus home. My thoughts drift to the just-concluded meeting with my old secondary school council friends. We had gathered to attend the wake of a friend's father. It's been such a long time since I met them and it's great to see all of them moving on with their lives.

I would say more I guess. But I can't stand typing on the iPhone keypad so ill just leave it here. Till I get the mood to blog again...

Blogging from my iPhone

2010-05-16T20:06:00.003+08:00

I am actually blogging from my iPhone! It's been about two weeks since I got my iPhone from the starhub store at plaza sibg and I am finally blogging from it. Finally, after months of hinting, I finally got my parents to get me one.

Since my last post, many things have happened. Edison went to the army, I took my SATs, I was planning for the young adults hi-touch, I was planning the life group revamp for livewire. It's been quite a busy few weeks.

Yesterday we finally announced the revamp, which has been months in the making. The response was actually quite surprising. The youth were very positive about it and they were really looking forward to it. I think this culture of embracing changes has really been established in livewire, and that can only be a good thing.

I was talking to javan last night on the way home and we were discussing about the change and it really struck me how much I really enjoy serving in the youth ministry. The chance to be a part of someone's life, to be allowed to 'lead' them is such a privilege and such an honour. Sometimes as I look at these youth I'm supposed to be leading, I cannot but feel overwhelmingly humbled at honoured to serve as a youth leader. Sure sometimes we complain about the work, the long hours of meetings, the time spent preparing what to share at life group, the prayers, the PowerPoint slides, the planning of events...sometimes I think we really forget that why we do all these is really for God and for our youth.

The youth leader is by no means a glamourous position. Sure you get to be acknowledged as a leader in the youth group, you get to use the mic, you get to give orders and talk to people. But the true youth leader does not lead by being seen, but by his being when no one is looking, and this to me is the difficulty. When you choose intentionally not to drink or club because you don't want to see your youth going to such places, when you choose not to watch certain shows or read certain magazines because you don't want your youth to be doing the same, when you have to turn your friends down for saturday night outings because you are having dinner with your life group, when you wake up early to go to church at 830 so that you will always be earlier than the youth.

I thank God for the opportunity to lead, but above all to serve. What a privilege, what an honour, and what a joy.

what i learnt in drama

2010-04-24T23:04:00.000+08:00

i've been having this really horrible flu-like thingy for almost the whole week now. it's a rather peculiar illness. i have all the classic symptoms of a flu: runny/blocked nose, sore throat, raspy voice, cough, headache, yet i don't have a fever. i don't know if i should be happy that i don't have a fever, because not having one makes it seem like it's not serious enough to warrant a trip to the MO to get an Att C...

the past week has been really crazy. our company was conducting a Live Firing and we were working our butts off. too many things to do, too little time. it was really draining, and everyone was just complaining, it was just so demoralising.

for some reason i had a very random thought while on the tonner to the ammo dump: what drama taught me about life, and i realised, quite surprisingly, how much my involvement in drama shaped my character and my belief system.

1. All the World's A Stage, and What's Important is How You Present Yourself

i believed it was Shakespeare who first likened life to a stage and people as players on that stage. to a very large extent that is true. life is all about people and how you interact with them, whether it is building of friendships, maintaining kinship or making enemies. the world we live in is very much defined by the people we interact with and their perception of us. realising that everyone is an actor on that stage, we therefore must pay attention to how we present ourselves. an actor must be convinced that he is playing the character he is playing, and not only that, he must convince the audience that he is that character. a poor actor will not portray that character well. i must therefore be very in-touch and certain of the person that i am and convince others to take me seriously as that person. presentation as an actor is not just style and fluff, but it includes substance, and that is how to live life, to present oneself in a way that is representative of the character that one is.

2. Whatever Happens, The Show Must Go On

in theatre, unlike in TV, there are no retakes, no allowances for postponement of productions. once you are on stage, you must perform. isn't life very much like that, no time for retakes, no time to stop, try it over. when the lights come on and the curtain is raised, you collect yourself and you perform, until the lights turn off and the curtains come down. and nothing stops the show from being staged. no illness, no personal problems, no girlfriend/boyfriend issues are going to stop the professional actor from getting up there and giving his best. it's an important lesson, that we must never allow anything that happens ruin the show - our life. that bad things may happen, or even good things may happen, but they must not change the way we portray ourselves on that stage, we must stick to the plot, stay in character and not get carried away by whatever is happening offstage.

3. 1 Minute On The Stage, 10 Years working Off It.

the very chinese saying 台上1分钟，台下10年工, is very representative of what life is about: the hard work that goes into everything that is done. it taught me that what was important wasn't so much the going on stage and receiving that attention, but the offstage preparation, the months of rehearsing late into the night, making props from scratch, finding music to go with your play, researching your character by watching videos, etc. literally hundreds, even thousands of hours must be ploughed in before an hour-long performance can even be staged. it gave me an appreciation for the unglamorous behind-the-scenes work, teaching me that life isn't about the honours or accolades one receives, but the hard work that is put in. it taught me to salute unsung heroes, and disdain people with more style than substance. it taught me that to put up a good show (to lead a good life), the work that goes into it is key, not the actual performance on stage, which will flow with adequate preparation. so in everything that is done, i must do it to the best of my ability, and put in the effort. things will not simply fall into place.

4. There is No Such Thing As A One-Man-Show

i've never actually seen one. every drama i've watched or participated in has always had a team working on it. sure there might be one star or even one cast member, but one must bear in mind that to put up a show, you need the help of a whole bunch of people: props, sound, video, lights, supporting cast. we are all stars of our own shows, but we never act alone. in order for any production to be successful, we need a whole host of cast and crew working together in tandem, each playing his own part, each knowing his own responsibilty, each contributing in his own way to the success of the production. that's the beauty of drama. and any lead actor that gets too absorbed with his own ego and fails to work with or acknowledge the contributions of the supporting cast, fails to get the production off the ground. we need to live life taking the lead but working with our supporting cast and backstage crew to weave together an epic production.

5. After The Show, Life Goes On

i know i've likened 'the show' to 'life' in general. in this case it's different. drama taught me that after the curtains come down and the audience leave, life still goes on. in the months leading up to the production, one can be so obsessed with it that you could eat, sleep and breathe the production, and after it's over, it feels like there's a hole inside, and it's hard to let go of that feeling. it taught me that nothing really lasts forever. the applause dies down, the lights dim and the curtains are drawn. the next day, you've just gotta pick yourself up and look forward to the next highlight. it taught me that i should always be open to change, not to hold on to past glories, that what is over is over and i need to always look forward. the next production must also not be similar to the last, but something more challenging, bigger and better than before. never get too comfortable with a current state of existence, and always look to how to improve oneself, how to take on a new challenge and go on to the next level, never be hung up and defined by previous accolades or achievements, because after everything is over, you are still you and you take the experience garnered and try something new. that's the beauty of it.

so those were my thoughts on that tonner. i guess one gets more philosophical and retrospective when one has more time to get lost in his own thoughts...

we farewelled Amos today. he will be moving on to Young Adults, no longer in Youth. i will miss him. he's always been a mentor, a big brother, someone not only to depend on, but to learn from and model after. he's left big shoes to fill. Edison is also going to the army on Monday. finally he's enlisting. makes me feel like i'm going to ORD sooner.

it's gonna be a great Sunday tomorrow.

!ndia

2010-03-19T17:24:00.002+08:00

it's a wonderful day. the weather is cool thanks to the rain earlier and i'm seriously tempted to actually get out of the house and maybe - dare i say it? exercise? - at least the tempation is there. whether i'll succumb remains to be seen. i sent mum off at the airport this morning to taiwan with the aunties and cousins, which meant that i had to wake up early, which made me really tired.

yesterday we had the most amazing Zapple Section Outing at andrea's house. it was pretty awesome coz so many people were there. and geok woon supplied the bbq food, which was really delicious as always. i think he's going to get alot more business after this bbq. unfortunately it ended late and i was so tired when i got home.

ok so that was life yesterday and today. now to blog about India.

***

India was everything i expected and more. no thanks to Slumdog Millionaire, everyone went to India expecting it to be a crime-infested, poverty-stricken, orphan-overrun place and the number one tagline when friends learnt i was going to India was to take care not to get my shoes stolen at the Taj Mahal. to a large extent that version on India was true. upon arrival, i got my very first taste of India, from the pungent haze that greeted us on arrival in Delhi, to the messy roads where you horn to indicate that you were going to beat a red light and the slums the peppered the roadsides. training aside, during R&R we went to Agra and New Delhi. and i think what really gripped me was that India was so in-your-face. it was different and didn't even try to dilute its 5000-year-old culture and way-of-life just to make tourists feel better. travelling on the fabled India Railways to Jhansi, we passed by the rural Indian towns where i finally understood why some people say the toilet bowl was the greatest invention of the 20th century. there were whole tracts of land just polluted with human waste, and not just the plastic bags and cardboard boxes, but the literally man-made variety. what disturbed me the most was seeing a woman - yes a woman - taking a crap on a polluted field adjacent to the train track. it's an image that completely seared my mind.

In New Delhi we were taken to a first-class shopping mall, not unlike Marina Square. it was a very disappointing trip. they had everything you could find at MSQ - Giordano, Bossini, United Colours of Benetton, Nike, Adidas, you name it. why, for the love of Gandhi, would the tour agency bring us to a half-opened shopping centre where you could find everything we had in Singapore and less? MSQ has Topman, Zara, Puma, John Little and Lee Jeans, just to name a few, and it's not as though the Nikes in Select Citywalk, New Delhi were 3.1 times cheaper than in Tampines Mall, Singapore. the whole point of the abovemention rant was that the tour agency should know better than to take people who travel 5 and a half hours to a city as colourful as New Delhi and take them o a shopping mall barely as good as Marina Square. if i wanted to go shopping i would head down to the three-mall cluster at Tampines, or take a day trip over to JB. but i digress. the reason i mentioned the mall trip was to bring out a point that the contrast (some would say inequality) in India is just amazing. just outside a mall stocked with merchandise you could pay for in euros, were street kids begging for food. some of them would play drums and perform cartwheels to get your attention. it's not like we didn't want to spare them a few rupees so they could buy some food, but we were warned that indulging even one kid with a 50-rupee bill would attract a whole mob of children. it saddens me, really, that just outside a luxury mall, were scrubby, dusty kids who probably were working for some kind of syndicate.

Poverty aside, New Delhi was brimming with development. when Discovery Channel had this series on Megacities, i think New Delhi should be a prime candidate. looking out from a plane window, Delhi at night is a sea of orange lights. Singapore is nothing compared to New Delhi in terms of sheer scale and urban sprawl. New Delhi, is just a part of the larger Indian metropolis of Delhi, 1484 sq km in area and 12.25m in population. that's sheer madness. there's something about India that excites, i guess. the city is hosting the Commonwealth Games this year and there's construction everywhere. they are building a Metro system and highways are sprouting up all over the place. i think it's a really interesting city, humming with development. what was really special for me was when we travelled down this stretch of road with all the embassies and that got me really excited as i was trying to find the Singapore High Commission, to no avail.

***

ok, enough about my general comments about India. i was really excited in the run-up to this trip because i've always wanted to visit India after watching Slumdog. i think the movie has done so much to raise awareness of India and it both dispelled and reinforced certain pre-conceived notions i had about India. the highlight of the trip was of course the Taj Mahal. we spent almost 2hours there, spamming pictures and getting our photos taken. (100rupees for 1 photo! ready in 20minutes!). the Taj was just amazingly awesome, despite the rather morbid fact that it was a tomb and we got to go inside to see the actual graves. it was beautiful and really grand. to think the Mughal emperor would build that entire complex just to remember his wife. i like the story of the Taj Mahal. after giving birth to 14 children, the empress died and on her deathbed she made the emperor, Shah Jahan promise her three things: that he would not remarry, that he would take care of the children and that he would build a monument for the world to remember his love for her. and boy did the world remember. funny how tombs are monuments of love. a grand marble-domed structure for an empress to remember his wife, an empty tomb for a Father to remember his Son...

anyhow, we totally visited at the right time, just as the sun was setting, meaning it was cool and there were these beautiful golden pools of the evening sunlight on the Taj, giving the whole place a magical feel and gave us gorgeous shots of the Taj and the surrounding structures. i tried to take a picture at the Diana Bench as well, but i couldn't find the exact bench, unfortunately. nevertheless, we had a wonderful time posing for photos and doing lots of crazy things like baby freeze at the Taj Mahal courtyard. it was a really magical experience (take that Sentosa) and i guess at the end of the day people are drawn to legend, mystique and history. it makes the IRs, as the best tourist destination in Singapore seem almost sad. pity some Johor Sultan didn't build a marble tomb in Woodlands or something 300 years ago so we could get ourselves in the seven wonders list as well.

other than that we did the usual touristy things: go to the marble shop and bargain, have a nice buffet dinner in the hotel (free flow of Naan!), and chill out in the hotel watching Home Alone with room service.

***

the third and final leg of the journey was to New Delhi, which was quite a disappointement because firstly: we were brought to Chinese restaurants for both lunch and dinner, which is a travesty because it completely insults the proud Indian culinary tradition. i mean, why would Chinese people living in Singapore travel all the way to Delhi just to eat Chinese food that doesn't taste as good as the zhi char stall at 85? it's like who flies to China to eat Tandoori chicken, Paris to eat burgers, Italy to eat tom yum goong and Mexico to eat pasta? i was really miffed that i did not get to eat good, traditional Indian cuisine. although my travel companions were quite happy to get a break from the curry and spices.

Delhi, as i mentioned earlier, was chaotic and messy and compared to Singapore, slightly wild. it had no beautiful skyline, no charming waterfront and no legendary creature spitting water into the bay. but then again, Delhi's no Singapore. and i think it was a very good experience to go to a developing country like India and see first-hand both the poverty and the frenetic development taking place there. the street kids i saw represented the old India everyone knew and the Delhi Metro and the CNG bus fleets represented the new India, the India economists and journalists and businessmen talk about when they talk about emerging powers and a multi-polar world. it also showed me that India was still far from rivalling even China, much less Europe or America, but it also showed the potential that India had to grow.

we went to the India Gate, a war memorial. it was ornate and stately, befitting a national monument, but it was all. we then went to the very disappointing Select Citywalk mall where we had only an hour to shop at a place larger than Marina Square. it was a mad dash here and there and buying nothing. in hindsight, maybe going to an Indian cafe to eat some Tandoori was a better idea. it was really nothing special. besides the shops, the food was also very Singaporean. Coffee Bean, Gelato, brownies, what's new? disappointment.

we then left for dinner at a very nice restaurant that actually served passable chinese food. and then we went to the Indira Gandhi International Airport. and back home to Singapore.

***

maybe i should mention the training. Babina is located in a semi-desert region in Uttar Pradesh state and we were at the Merlion Camp (lol) where it was very hot in the day and very cold at night. the conditions were awesome and the thing i loved most was the Butterscotch ice cream that i am so craving for even right now. (Indian ice cream is fantastic, by the way). the most special time was the last night when we had the end-of-frame dinner. we were treated to a buffet spread of great Indian food, including butter chicken, naan, and other wonderful things i do not know the names of. at the end of the dinner, there was a fireworks display! it was the first time i've seen fireworks being set off at such close proximity. it was quite special and quite amazing to see fireworks so close. and it' such a once-in-a-lifetime experience because no way any of us was going to go back to Babina ever again.

***

i do not miss India. the only thing i do miss was the relative freedom we had in the campsite. no need to wake up at 5.30 and wait for everyone to march to the cookhouse for breakfast, just go yourself. how nice. i do not miss the R&R either because after going to India, i've come to appreciate the comforts of Singapore even more. i would presume that the Indians living in the slums, should they have the opportunity to come here, would be floored by the relative 'luxury' that is our HDB flats, personal computers, iPhones, lifts and TVs that we so take for granted. even the rich Indians would be jealous of our relatively congestion-free and orderly roads, our crowded but efficient MRT, our smogarsboard of shopping malls and the variety of brands they carry. not that India is inferior to Singapore, we're just at different levels of development.

i shall return, i guess. because i want to see what India will become in 10 years' time. i think the city, and the country at large will be radically transformed. i like India because it is so lively, its people are friendly and it is an interesting country. i admire their millenia-old civilsation and respect its diverse cultures. i am slightly taken aback by the chaos, the poverty and the inequality, but respect that it is what it is and that India will be what its own citizens deem it will be, and not what its governmental elites or what foreigners dictate it will be, that it will chart its own course and will take its own time reaching their destination and doing it in a style and fashion it will determine for itself. India is indeed incredible.

Incredible India

2010-03-14T00:46:00.002+08:00

i'm back from India! what a good feeling it is to be home. i would like to blog about the whole time in India, but it's late, and there's service tomorrow and i really should be getting some sleep. however i think it's mainly because i missed the timing when i was most inspired to write a long blog post about my experience in India and now the inspiration has passed, but i will eventually get down to writing something about India, since it was a memorable trip.

other things/issues are occupying my thoughts right now. just got back from a Livewire leaders' meeting. so many exciting things are coming up and so much needs to be done and they're really just flooding my mind right now. so many ideas, so many thoughts, so little time. how frustrating.

alas i return to Sungei Gedong Camp tomorrow night after two weeks away (bet the bedsheets must be really dusty now). and as February came and went, and with India down, i can't help but feel that ORD is imminent. nevertheless, 9 months is still a long time to wait.

some random thoughts right now:

i should really get down to starting my driving soon if i'm going to get my license before ORD as hoped for.
i want an iPhone.
i'm glad to be back home.

there is this incredible sense of frustration in me, not of the negative type, but of the postive type. it seems like there's so many things i want to do, but there's just not the time nor the resources to pursue them. patience is something that can only be learnt, not taught and the only way to learn it is to go through it yourself. it seems like life will begin after ORD, but i can't help but feel like i want life to start now, to start transiting back to civilian life. so many things are still up in the air: uni admission, post-ORD plans, etc. rar.

this fantastic quote from Scrubs really caught my attention, one would think that a crappy show like Scrubs would never have a take-home moment, but this line really got me: Nothing worth having is come easy. you've got to work for something. if it comes too easily, it's probably not worth having. one notable exception would be the Grace of God, which is the most important thing worth having, but comes easily, and does not need to be earned. it's the only exception to the rule i guess. if you want to learn a new language, you have to go for classes; if you want to have a degree you have to study really hard; if you want to maintain a relationship you have to invest time and effort. it's a universal truth, and kudos to the Scrubs scriptwriters.

it's 1am, time for bed.

India and Jehovah's Witnesses

2010-02-28T14:21:00.003+08:00

I got approached for the first time ever by two nice ladies who shared with me about the 'end of the world', after the Chile earthquake today. they were Jehovah's Witnesses. i've heard about JW evangelism before but never actually been approached by one before. they actually quoted scripture from the very same Bible i read and i was a little uneasy, which led me to go to Wikipedia, the internet's authority on everything. Apparently they don't believe in the Trinity, or immortality of the soul, and do not celebrate Christmas or Easter for their 'pagan' origins. the incident gave me a fresh conviction about how important it is to know the word of God and to read my Bible and be very strong in Scripture lest my beliefs get shaken by others, even if they use the same Bible as i do. and it was also very important to know the teachings of my own church and own denomination lest i be confused by other interpretations of the Bible, or my faith be shaken.

with regard to the 'end of the world' thing they were sharing about, i felt that it was more important that 'it is not for us to know the times and the dates that the Father has set by His own authority, but that we will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon us and be His witnesses in Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth" (Acts 1:7), because Jesus did not come into the world to condemn the world, but the save the world through Him (John 3:17). good thing i do TAWG. haha. i guess i have to respectfully decline the teaching of the two ladies and agree to disagree with them.

anyway, i'm off to india. leaving for the airport in around an hour's time. really excited to go to india, as i explained in my previous post. the Life Group actually wrote a card for me, how nice. it's as if i'm going away for months...it's only 12days! i'm quite apprehensive about what i'll see there, i always get a heavy heart when i see pictures of street kids, beggars and what not. poverty is such an emotional sight. going to spam photos of a trip to remember. wish the actual training days won't be so long though, more R&R would be nice. yes i know it's wishful thinking.

bought this book called To Walk On Water, You Have To Get Out of The Boat by John Ortberg, think i can finish it by the time i'm back from India. it's going to be an amazing time reading and being challenged.

the only thing on my mind now is that i have to leave soon and i haven't finished packing!

Then Jesus came to them and said, "all authority on Heaven and on Earth has been given to me, Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. and surely I am with you, to the very end of the age.
-Matthew 28:18-19

mahbubhani

2010-02-27T01:04:00.002+08:00

this week's issue of Time has an article by Kishore Mahbubhani! i'm such a fan, (and a geek, considering that i even know who he is). it was a very interesting article about Europe and Asia and how Europe should stop obsessing about it's internal problems and start engaging Asia if it wants to continue being a major player on the world stage. always love reading a Mahbubhani article.

in that same issue, there is an article about the plight of women in the US military. apparently cases of rape and other forms of sexual assualt in the US military are twice as common compared to civilian cases. women don't drink any water after 7p.m. to prevent the chances of getting raped by their fellow male soldiers in case they have to go to the toilet at night, and many victims do not report cases of sexual harrassment and assault as they fear it might disrupt unit cohesion or to protect their careers. although it does not affect me at all, i got quite disturbed reading the article, and finding out that such cases are happening in the US. i imagine what it might be like if Singapore started conscripting girls, and i think it might be quite a serious issue.

i'm going to India in two days, and i'm a mixed bag of excitement and nervousness. i've never really travelled to a third world part of a third world country before. Indonesia and Thailand seem tame compared to the pictures i've seen of the part of India i will be going to. Uttar Pradesh is not the wealthiest nor best-governed state in the federation and i think it will be quite an eye-opener. the thing is that i've got my camera and i'm going to take alot of pictures when i get there. i'm quite excited that i'm going to India. i've always loved to travel, and i wished that i've been to so many more places, and India is probably as exotic as it gets.

i must admit i've never always appreciated India, its people or its culture. blame it on racial stereotyping, Russel Peters and a chinese-school education. but as i read more about it and heard about the "rise of India" often expounded about in newspapers and documentaries, and after the utterly compelling and moving Slumdog Millionaire, i must say i've developed a newfound interest in the country. i do respect that today's Indians are the heirs of a 5000-year-old civilisations, and that it is a country with absolutely the most tastebud-exploding cuisine in the world. i've come to appreciate its proud history, its humiliating colonial rule by the British, the struggle for independence and the quest for nationhood. i admire its largeness, its enduring culture, its diversity, its dynamism, so often portrayed by the media. i am apprehensive about coming face-to-face with its poverty, its amoral underbelly, its messiness and its sheer chaotic society, from the government to the people. and i've never been so excited about visiting any other country before. i think India will be a whole different experience, and i'm looking forward to it.

i've borrowed this book, A Concise History of Modern India, to learn more about its customs, its traditions and its rich heritage and i hope my short stint in India will help me develop a lasting admiration for the subcontinent.

in other news, i can't wait to ORD! 8 and a half months after i return from India!

Jabez was more honourable than his brothers...Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh that you will bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me and keep me from harm, so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.
-1Chronicles 4:9-10

Chinese New Year, Pull Your Ear

2010-02-21T17:35:00.002+08:00

today marks the end of the CNY long break, which could actually be longer had we not been called to come back on Wednesday for a day of lectures and nothing else. imagine booking in on Wednesday morning and booking out on Wednesday night! so absurd. that's what army does i suppose...

CNY this year passed by quite quickly and for the most part i was very sleepy throughout, it could be the over-eating, the changed sleep patterns, or the long car rides, but i just couldn't stop yawning all the time. visiting is just so exhausting!

it was good to have thursday and friday off. on thursday i (finally) went to see Avatar 3D, at non CNY prices (what's up with this practice of raising prices during CNY? it's not demand and supply forces at work, just a whole lot of manipulation and exploitation of a public holiday). i really enjoyed the movie, i thought it was one of the best movies i ever watched. Aunty Jo did mention about the ritual scene and i thought i was a bit disturbed at that part, but otherwise it was quite an excellent movie. haven't watched Hurt Locker yet, but if it's really a conteder for Best Picture in a year with Avatar in it, then it's probably really good, so i'm going to watch it too, i hope.

on another (random) note, the opening of the casino in Resorts World Sentosa has generated quite a bit of news (and the ensuing controversies), from the long queues to the dress code. reading about it and the behaviour of the gamblers has me quite disturbed. The New Paper ran an article commenting about the picture of gamblers who were denied entry due to the casino reaching its maximum capacity sleeping on the floor outside the casino. what has our country turned into? that grown men and women would simply plop themselves outside a world class tourist attraction and sleep! has the casino had such an impact on our society or has it served merely to expose the glaring cultural habits we've had all along but never had a opportunity to display? the reports have been extremely disturbing: mothers gambling all night, only to emerge at 9.30 the next morning and say they will be back in the afternoon; parents leaving their kids unattended outside the casino while they go in and gamble. has it been that people are becoming so hooked that they will forgo sleep and work to gamble, and parents will even leave their children to fend for themselves just to get a game? what an atrocity.

going back to camp, will be out on wednesday, india on sunday.

so tired

2010-02-13T00:49:00.002+08:00

i'm so happy that there's a long weekend coming up, i am totally looking forward to an extended break for once. army is bad in that it just takes you away from everything that really matters and distorts your priorities by playing with your time. i was just telling Terry, as we were doing sentry duty yesterday (from 7am-5pm), that i can't believe we were stuck in that sentry post when there's a whole world moving and shaking out there. it's sad that a day gets wasted just like that, when so many more things can be accomplished. but it's good that i get to hang out with my buddy, as opposed to other random strangers. thank God for friends you can spend a day with and not feel bored.

this week has been kinda rough i guess, i've not been up there spiritually. i guess it's because i haven't been consistent with my TAWG, confession is good for the soul, so they say. need to pull up my socks and not get bogged down by other things, other less important, frivoulous things, like trying to get extra sleep in the afternoon...oh laziness is my Achilles' heel.

today i went for dinner at Tim's house, it was some sort of Valentine's Day/Chinese New Year dinner kinda thing and to my pleasant surprise, Derek brought Jeremy Loo, my good friend from BMT, and i was so happy to see him again. what a delight! and we managed to catch up and he's going to be ORD-ing soon and i'm jealous but i'm just happy to be able to meet up with a BMT friend. i totally miss BMT, i know it sounds crazy yes. but i really enjoyed BMT, it was very fun, we had a fun platoon, a larger-than-life PC, and a wonderfully slack schedule that allowed for alot fo admin time for us to get to know each other better. think what i miss most about BMT is Warrant Ee's hours-long talks in the gym, about life, about people, etc. think i really learnt alot from those sessions...

i also went to watch Little Big Soldier, starring Jackie Chan and Wang Lee Hom with terry today, and i must say i really enjoyed the show. it had a very good storyline, very clever scriptwriting and splendid acting by the lead actors who showed rare chemistry. it was funny without being Jackie Chan-slapstick coupled with breathtaking Chinese scenery. it was definitely a great show, would strongly recommend it. after that i went shopping, and bought a parka sweat from Uniqlo and a pair of pants from Giordarno (i'm a very thrifty shopper). i nearly bought another shirt from Springfield but pulled out at the last minute because i thought i was just buying stuff impulsively and unnecessarily. what i really need are a good pair of shoes and a nice, durable bag, oh and maybe an iPhone (ok, i want it, not need it)

leelaoshi sent this Zaobao article through email and i read it, it was really heartfelt and i could totally identify with the author. think it's sad that the good ol' days are gone, but i guess i'll trust God for better ones ahead:

丹女
山外山

　　因为T来香港公干，所以我们有机会在家里聚会。大家谈起故人往事，那真是一个愉快的晚上。虽然T和E二十年不见，但一见面就像是昨天还在一起玩闹，搞课外活动的朋友那样，无所不谈。

　　其实我们不过是十七八岁念同一所初级学院，一块儿度过年少时期两载岁月的朋友，和后来许许多多共同念大学或工作的朋友比较起来，我们朝夕相对的时间实际上很短。但是就像T说的：“那个时候真是好玩，太好玩了！”就因为那个时候“太好玩”才有幸让收藏了二十年的友情，在二十年后，还像用了最好的葡萄，最纯净的泉水，在最合适的季节酿造的葡萄酒那样，依旧香醇迷人。

　　太好玩！我们当时玩得不知天高地厚，玩得将功课抛在一旁，玩得老师们摇头叹息。我们玩得理直气壮，考了烂成绩还不当回事地继续风花雪月。结果，到了A水准会考，我们当中一些该拿4个A的仅拿了两三个，该有机会出国深造的只得留在新加坡。当然，这些T和E都追回来了，不仅追了回来，还能大言不惭地说：幸亏当年没拿奖学金。在金融界做得有声有色的E不到四十，已经在考虑退休……

　　不管追不追得回来，人生没有几个两年可以让你这样子度过。年纪大了离开学校以后更是不可能。当年我们在一起的时候，是用了最善良最纯真的心灵相处。那是我们最美好的一面，还没有被社会被成人的世界污染的最美好的一面。我们在学校、老师们家长们的保护下，做既不是大人又不是孩子，既是大人又是孩子，才能够享受的集体生活。我们拥抱在一起激动，一起大笑，一起流泪，一起高歌……这样的日子任凭后来生活将我们带到何处，都不可能忘记。它永远在心里保留着最动人的一部分。

　　之后我们各奔东西。在社会里该争的争了，该爬的爬了，该拍马屁的拍了，该虚假的虚假了，该面目狰狞的面目狰狞了。但是你们后来的这些面孔，我都看不到。我们有幸不曾成为同事或竞争对手的，都看不到。这样子最好。这样子，当我们聚会时，我们又都恢复了十七八岁的样子。“你们都没有变哩！”T和E这样说。其实怎么可能没有变呢？只是在我们之间，我们又可以打开那最美好的一面罢了。尽管没有过去纯洁善良，但却已经是我们最美丽的了。

　　那最美的一面，因为你们而存在。因为当年玩疯了，所以没有忘记。还好我们玩得不知天高地厚，玩得将功课抛在一旁，玩得老师们摇头叹息……还好我们玩得理直气壮，考了烂成绩还不当回事地继续风花雪月……还好有你们，才让生命灿烂起来……

（传自香港）

笔心

那最美的一面，因为你们而存在。因为当年玩疯了，所以没有忘记。　　——丹女

signing on

2010-02-06T23:24:00.002+08:00

it's the 6th of February! less than 10 months to ORD. the year's been coming along fine and i'm thankful for a great January, in camp, in church and at home.

was just talking to yee chien, my BMT buddy on msn, and i realised that a 6-year bond with MFA is no different from signing on. he's signed on with the air defence force, and i'm going to be 'signing on' with the diplomatic corps. we'll both still be defending Singapore in a way. except that i won't have to pass IPPT every year to get my bonus!

Combined LG service today was awesome. Ps K preached a great message about Loving God with all your HEART. the only regret was that i was trying to control my pee so badly i had trouble paying attention. i had resolved to control peeing until after altar call but i couldn't help it so i went to the toilet immediately after Aunty Jo prayed for me. such a LOL moment. think it was a very timely message, what with him addressing commitment, living in holiness, not being distracted or getting too busy, not being influenced by the world, etc. i think these issues are beign faced by a lot of our youth right now and it's great that he talked about them. i was talking to some of them after the service and they were identifying some of their problems: Hardened heart, crowded heart, shallow heart and fruitful heart. so it's great that the word really did sink in.

in other news, yesterday's Battalion Cohesion Day at Jurong East Swimming Complex turned out to be quite an enjoyable event, not so much for the event proper, but they fact that we got to swim at the complex, which has an awesome waterslide, lazy river and wave pool. really enjoyed swimming, it's been so long since i last swam (was it BMT?) the sun wasn't really that hot but i ended up with terrible burns on my shoulders and face. now i look like a red crab and it really hurts when the skin get stretched just a little. wonder if it's the effect of global warming. but technically, that can't be because global warming is due to the trapping of heat from the sun caused by greenhouse gases in the atmosphere, and has nothing to do with the intensity of the sun's rays that reach the earth. what could possibly be the reason is the depletion of the ozone layer, which i think is not happening due to recent efforts to ban CFCs. i think it might have to do with ageing. as i grow older, my skin becomes less supple and its ability to regenerate and fight off the harmful effects of the sun's ray's might have decreased with time. oh gosh, does that mean wrinkles soon? oh the horror...

after the swim, i went to Orchard for some CNY shopping. regrettably, i couldn't find anything worth buying for CNY. i ended up buying a pair of bermudas i didn't really need, but really wanted. it was also a good time going out with Ezra, which i really enjoyed. after that it was YA LG at tanjong pagar. shall blog about my thoughts about joining YAs (it's been three months!) someday i think...i've been enjoying myself.

birthday shoutout to Chong Pick Yee! happy 21st! can't believe she's turning 21 already. had to give her birthday lunch a miss coz i promised mum i'd stay at home to do spring cleaning. it's not spring and not much cleaning was done, so i do regret not going. i do hope to meet up with the CDS people soon, it's been quite awhile since we've met.

still a number of things to do in LW, planning for March Much More needs firming up, publicity machine needs to get chugging, need to come up with ideas for the upcoming services and do more research and reading up. was just talking with Boon Teck on the bus ride back about how fun and exciting Youth Ministry is, but beyond all the fun and excitement, there's the hard work and more importantly, the lives that have been impacted as a result. thank God for that conversation. now i will go to bed smiling. =)

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life
-Prov 4:23

getting ready for CNY

2010-01-31T16:26:00.002+08:00

weekends have generally been very busy. immediately after bookout on fridays, i go down to tanjong pagar for life group, saturdays i'm usually found in church for youth in the afternoon and sundays i'm always in church bright and early and don't leave till late, before heading back to camp again. i love this busy lifestyle, it makes life meaningful and it gives me stuff to do during bookout.

i have been quite preoccupied with planning stuff for future events: Combined LG services and also march's Mcube. many things to do and think about, all while planning for LG discussions and growth, etc. it's so not easy being a youth leader. but it is, at the same time, fun and enriching. i only wish i had more time to do the unending list of stuff that needs to get done. the danger is that we work so hard that we don't spend enough time receiving, so i also wish i had more time to do TAWG.

Chinese New Year is coming soon, who couldn't tell with the gaudy decorations, the crazy gong xi gong xi techno remixes blaring in stores and the hideous clothes put up for sale in the department stores. the above may indicate that i detest CNY. i actually don't dislike the festival per se, but i really dislike the run up to the big day. CNY is definitely the biggest holiday in Singapore, even if for many people it has no particular meaning or merely an excuse to take a long weekend getaway. it is the only time in the whole year you see entire shopping centres and markets closed for two days at a stretch, where nearly all of Singapore goes on holiday. how crazy is that?

what i really dislike is the in-your-face run up to CNY, the bazaars and the music, the mad rush to buy clothes you don't need and don't feel like getting but get anyway coz it's just a perfect excuse to buy new clothes and something red. i even hate the food, not so much the way they taste, but the outrageous amounts of fat-laden, artery-clogging tarts and bak kwa put on display at every single house. i absolutely love these foods, and therein lies the problem: one needs a herculean demonstration of self-control to not eat them, something i do not have when it comes to CNY goodies, and i inevitably end up stuffing myself, gaining weight and feeling lousy about it all over again. oh the horror. then there's the socialising. sometimes someone who doesn't actually want to talk to you comes up and pretends to be social and you have to pretend to be social back and make some witty, degrading complaint about the army and how you can't wait to ORD. one bright spot about being in the army is that there's always a conversation topic when you're in the company of not-so-familiar family members. (everyone identifies with misery, even if they haven't gone through it themselves)

meanwhile, i'm still waiting for LSE to get back to me. it's been so long! oh would they please give me some kind of indication so i can plan my next step? IR and History, please please please! and also, yesterday i went for an MFA tea session. looks like i'm officially "in the club", it was so nice to go there and have the people recognise me and whisk me in without having to lug about goodie bags and queue to register. looking at all those students, many of whom are my Rafflesian juniors, i couldn't help thinking how i was in those shoes just a year ago, going for tea session after tea session, talk after talk, just to find out more information to apply for a scholarship. thank God that's all over. the talk made me feel so much more excited and confident about my choice. i think it will require a gargantuan shift in attitudes and expectations and lifestyle, but i pray that i can get through it.

going back to camp later, not before i have a hearty dinner at grandma's. January's over and February's coming, i can't wait for December, can smell it coming...

The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has annointed me to preach good news to the poor, for the prisoners proclaim freedom and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour...and he began by saying to them, "Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing."
-Luke 4:18-19, 21

nothing like...

2010-01-08T17:26:00.002+08:00

there's nothing like a blueberry ice cream wrapped in a slice of bread.

there's nothing like a blueberry ice cream wrapped in a slice of bread while walking home from Tanah Merah MRT by myself.

there's nothing like a blueberry ice cream wrapped in a slice of bread while walking home from Tanah Merah MRT by myself on a bookout day.

there's nothing like a blueberry ice cream wrapped in a slice of bread while walking home from Tanah Merah MRT by myself on an EARLY bookout day.

yes, the emphasis is on the blueberry ice cream, not.

as i was walking back, the route i usually take would take me past AHS' school field. i saw a bunch of secondary school students having CCA. (friday is still CCA day in AHS, i assume) and i ws just thinking that it was not that long ago that i was in their shoes, and it is not too long before they will be in mine.

this week, booking in was HARD. i couldn't leave home, not after three weeks of nearly solid holidays. i was clearing off and i only had to go back to camp for 1 and a half days during the last three weeks of December. it was the best time i've had since i enlisted really. too bad good things always come to an end. to make matters worse, i was slapped with a guard duty this saturday, which means i have to book in tomorrow, and miss Livewire, the CDS bbq and service on sunday. nothing pains me more...i can't wait to leave the army and get my life back!

to soothe the sorrow, we had an early bookout today, at 2.40pm, which meant that i could go home and write this post before i leave for church. i'm practically spending all my free time in church. i don't care, i love it. this past week was quite relaxed, mainly sleeping in the bunk the whole day, save for an irritating morning first parade cum PT cum area cleaning. i really wished i could spend the rest of my army life like that. wishful thinking, outfield next week. i've finished Geroge Bush and the Guardianship Presidency last week. it's a book about the senior Bush and his time in office. i found that it was quite an interesting read actually. don't know why i picked it up though (it's due next week). i'm currently reading Fireseeds From Korea to the World, a book about God's work in Korea. i found it really impressive, and i'm very encouraged reading the book. God's move is seriously amazing.

turned on the computer today, and Yahoo! is my homepage. Yahoo! News is essentially the main feature on the homepage and i saw the news that 3 churches in Malaysia were attacked by firebombs early this morning over the 'Allah' issue. one of the churches was Metro Tabernacle Church. i vaguely remembered that i had come across the name of this church before, and Yahoo!ed it (i don't use google). and just as i guessed it, it was Rev. Ong Sek Leang's church! he was our camp speaker in 2007, and i really enjoyed that camp. how terribly, terribly unfortunate. it's sad that such things are happening in Malaysia, and it's alarming to see the fragility of the social fabric in Malaysia. if things go out of hand, would they spill over to Singapore? i dread the day people start throwing firebombs at City Harvest, Trinity or even Harborlight! i guess the only thing we can do is to pray for the Christians in Malaysia now.

going to church for combined LG, hope there're no firebombs!

i'll sing to you Lord
a hymn of love
for your faithfulness to me
i'm carried in, everlasting arms
you will never let me go
Through it all.
-Through it All (Hillsongs)

going back

2010-01-03T18:11:00.002+08:00

i'm going back to sungei gedong camp today. the very thought sickens me, like really. everytime i think about it i just feel like throwing up. that's the effect army has on me. bleah.

all good things must come to an end. i'm already starting to miss the freedom. as i type this post, the setting sun is like the fleeting freedom. wish i could turn back time to the 14th of December, when i went for youth camp. wish time stopped on the 1st of January, when we lasted through the 7.5-hour watchnight-cum-prayer meeting.

gotta get used to the grind. going to bed at 10.30pm, waking up at 5.30am, queuing up for breakfast. one should never take too long a break away from army. once you get back into the comfort of civilian life, you never want to go back to the regimentation in camp.

loved the message today. Sis Poh Ee Lyn preached from Joshua 1:1-9, probably one of my favourite passages in the Bible. as i was dreading the end of the long break and the very thought of leaving the comforts of home and church to return to camp, the word was so comforting: I will never leave you nor forsake you. read that so many times, prayed it so many times, but today it came through like a fresh revelation. it's amazing how someone can read something so many times, but it can still be so refreshing at the right moment.

yes Lord, you will never leave me nor forsake me. how comforting is that.

the bicycle saga is over, and i am $180 poorer, but at least it ended with my conscience clear. so life goes on.

God i don't wanna book in!

After the death of Moses the servant of the LORD, the LORD said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses' aide: "Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Great Sea on the west. No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
"Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Josh 1:1-9

an unfortunate incident

2010-01-03T00:25:00.002+08:00

thought maybe i'd fit in a post before i crash. (so sleepy)

speaking about crashing, it was so unfortunate today to crash into some guy's bicycle. thank God he's alright. what's unfortunate is that i'll have to pay for the damaged wheel. =( so there goes any more outings until Jan 10, which is payday! (oh won't it come sooner)

nevertheless, the issue is over and after tomorrow hopefully everything can be done and dusted and it won't be a problem again. i was surprised by the way i handled it. at the risk of sounding immodest, i was very proud that i did not freak out, or do the cowardly thing and run away or do the bastardly thing and shout back. it was all quite civilised and the guy was really nice and soo hwee thinks he's 'cute' so i'm going to give her his number. haha! think i did learn a lesson from this incident, and in all things God works for the good of those who love Him.

today's service was just so awesome. i must admit i was pretty caught up in getting things done, making sure the videos were screened on time and everything was moving smoothly that i wasn't totally able to immerse myself in the proceedings. i think that is a weakness, being so busy, so busy, running around that i can forget to slow down and seek God first. it will have to be worked on.

it just came to my mind that i'll be back in camp in less than 24hours time. oh the horror! i guess this caps the end of a nearly 3-week hiatus from the army. it was the most awesome 3 weeks of the year, and i'll be looking forward that by December this year i will have my Pink IC back. oh the joy that floods my heart everytime i think of it, and the anticipation that is killing me softly as i agonise at the 11 months standing in the way. the problem with time is that there is nothing one can do to make it go faster, or, for that instance, to make it go slower. while we are brought up to believe that we can do anything as long as we put our mind to it (just ask Miley Cyrus: there's always gonna be another mountain, i'm always gonna wanna make it move...) but when the mountain that stands in the way between your present state and your goal is time, there is precious little we can do but wait for it to pass. and in the meantime make good use of the time. patience is the virtue that is taught here i suppose...

so tired now, but so looking forward to going to church tomorrow. last day of the 3-week hiatus, first service of the new year, first book in of 2010...

with Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm...

happy new decade!

2010-01-01T20:31:00.002+08:00

it's the first day of 2010, a brand new year, a brand new decade. i'm glad i spent the first hours of the new decade in church, with friends, family and God. the past three weeks of almost uninterrupted leave from army has really helped re-energise me, helped me reconnect with friends, meet up with family and rediscover God. the best three weeks of 2009. it started with a 3D2N youth camp, followed by a family gathering, LG dinner, 3R class gathering, christmas eve dinner with family, christmas day service and party, boxing day party with YAs, thanksgiving dinner at Labrador Park, LG outing, meet-up with council friends, meet-up with RJ friends, cousin's wedding dinner, culminating in a watchnight service-cum-overnight prayer meeting.

reached home at 7.30am, totally tired but having totally enjoyed myself. yes, i've been living it up!

looking back at 2009, i am just really happy that i survived the year relatively unscathed, save for the two days spent at the hospital for heat exhaustion. unscathed not purely in the physical sense, but unscathed in the emotional and spiritual sense. a human being is made up of three parts: Body, Soul and Spirit. i always knew that going into NS was going to be the greatest challenge of my life. O Levels? A Levels? they couldn't really compare to the turmoil and torment that is NS. not so much in the physical sense, because i've realised that no amount of physical training can really break a person, it's all in the mind.

spiritually speaking, it's been a year of testing. ups and downs really. having my weekends burned because of BMT confinement, and National Day Parade rehearsals really made me distant from the youth i guess. it sucked that i could not be there with them when i really wanted to and the long period away made it somewhat inevitable that i didn't really want to go back. thank God that no matter how far one flies, He never lets go of us. after the two months (8 weeks) away from church, it was very tough getting back into the swing of things again, but thank God for that acceleration and growth.

i guess i've learnt alot in the past year, most of them covered in the previous blog post about army. i think the most important thing i've learnt is that in life, relationships are the most important. no man is an island, and it is the relationships that link us with family and friends that are what make life enjoyable. and it is a relationship with God that makes life purposeful. being away from the people i've taken for granted made me realise that i need to make time and effort to maintain those relationships.

i've always deemed a year successful by achievements: what have i done for the first time this year? what have i achieved this year? looking into 2010, i suppose there are things worth getting excited about: going to India for the first time in March, taking up driving, taking on more roles in Livewire...but, in retrospect, i think i shall define the next year based on how well i've maintained my relationships with friends and family, whether i've built upon the existing ones and whether i'll make new friends and accquaintances. i pray that in the year ahead i'll grow ever closer to God, that i can be used by Him to serve Him in Livewire and even beyond the four walls of the church.

it's going to be an amazing year!

youth camp

2009-12-28T00:02:00.002+08:00

the past two weeks have been really busy and hectic, chock full of fun-filled activities. i so totally enjoyed myself and despite all the busyness, the rushing here and there, the stream of parties and gatherings and outings, i really felt such happiness and i'm so thankful for the past two weeks away from the army, and fully immersing myself in civilian life, meeting up with friends and family and being normal once again.

i've been meaning to blog about youth camp, but i didn't really get down to it. it could be because i subconciously didn't want it to be over, so i resisted blogging about it, because the implication of blogging about an activity would be that it is over, history, finished, something i didn't want youth camp 09 to be. or, i could just be plain lazy. whatever works.

this year's youth camp's theme is Souled Out. i thought it was an awesome theme, and i really enjoyed it very much. thinking back, i realised i was getting so caught up in the planning and just drowning in the pre-camp meetings, the mounds of papers and to-do lists, the hunting for items and packing, making sure everything is in order. i think i sort of veered away from the true purpose of going for camp, which was to reconnect with God and with friends. that is one problem with planning, you get caught up with the planning and miss out on the fun. thankfully i didn't miss out on anything this time. despite the busyness (it was really hectic), i totally enjoyed myself, especially during the services. Pastor Ben was a fantastic camp speaker that really connects with youth and he did a fantastic job during the camp. the presence of God was so strong in the camp and i felt such a wonderful move of God among the youth. it was fascinating to say the least. although in the camp i was in charge of games, but i really felt that the highlights, and the things that really left an impression of me, were the four services and especially the last one, where we went around appreciating and hugging one another. as the Holy Spirit moved, there was just such a love and warmth and people were crying, the boys were just completely wasted, and it was just a very emotional and enriching experience.

nobody wanted camp to end, it was so fun and so Spirit-filled and everybody wanted the experience to last longer, but all good things must come to an end.

i will blog about Christmas another time...lazy...

heavy

2009-12-12T01:05:00.002+08:00

it's the second last week of the year when i have to book in. just two more days next week and i'm off for the rest of the year. youth camp 2009: Souled Out is just around the corner, and i'm just brimming with excitement as i think about camp. nevertheless, while i should be excited and happy about the youth camp, christmas, and the coming new year, i can't help but have a heavy heart as i enter headlong into this festive season.

it's been a fairly easy week just based on the timetable, no IPPT, no SOC, no RT, no PT, no ICCT, no acronyms...just wake up, eat, sleep, wake up, eat, sleep. i should enjoy this lifestyle. and in fact i am. just chillin out, relaxing, not doing much, using the free time to read, watch movies, write Christmas cards and plan for youth camp. it's been quite relaxed. yet, i can't help but feel drained after booking out every week.

i feel like i've been stuck in some kind of a time warp. yesterday i took to reading my old blog posts using Terry's free (but maybe must pay) mobile data plan, and, reading the blog posts from sec 3 till sec 4 till JC till now, i realised that i haven't changed alot. my mentality may have evolved, but it still is pretty much in the same mould as it was 4 years ago. this could really mean two things: i have been unaffected by the changes around me, or, i am stuck in a time warp, in a perfect little secondary school world. i would think it's a bit of both.

i haven't grown up much, have i?

have alot of things to say, but it's late, i'm tired and i wanna get some rest.

TWO MORE DAYS TO CAMP.

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

- Jer 33:3

ONE YEAR

2009-12-05T00:00:00.002+08:00

today is the 4th of december, 2009. one year ago, on this very day, i became a soldier.

525600minutes, 365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months, 1 year.

oh my freaking goodness...

i can't believe i made it through, i made it this far, this long. i remember telling myself that i will not allow the army to change me, that i will go into it, finish it up fast, and not let the whole new culture, the new dynamics, the new lifestyle, change me. i would never allow the army, or its people to alter the way i behave, the things i hold dear, the values i stand upon, the priorities i hold. yet, how can one not spend one entire year in an institution as pervasive (some would say invasive) to one's life as the army? and in fact i've changed.

i like to thing i've changed for the better, not worse, although that would be hard to ascertain for sure. i suppose i've become fitter? which is a good thing, assuming that i keep on exercising. however, what's physical is always temporary, it never lasts. emotionally i think i've grown. i'm more adept at controlling my temper, less affected by people around me. i've become more independent, more capable of suppressing my emotions to allow rational thinking to take over. i've become more patient (i hope), tried to be more sociable and interactive with other people. spiritually, i've grown too. the year started out really tough, feeling dry and detached, and it ended on a high with the birthday bash and 13 salvations last saturday. and in between it was a roller coaster ride. i've grown haven't i? and i'll be 20 in less than 2 months...

i like to reflect back, think back on the events that happened every time i cross a milestone. so what have i done since i got into the army? i've fired a gun for the first time (and also grenades and a matador), i've stayed out in the jungle for 5 days straight and lived to tell the tale, i digged a shellscrape not once, but at least 4 times, i've learnt close combat, won an award for being the best MATADOR gunner (wow, amazing... -_-) i've sat in a real life armoured vehicle for the first time. achievements outside of army? i did well for A levels, got myself the scholarship i always wanted, i've learnt (or, more accurately, am currently learning) how to play the guitar, i've led a whole new life group (twice)...not very impressive, actually. so yeah, it's nice to look back and congratulate myself on what i've achieved, which are, while little, still worth noting as milestones of life.

i think i might have become worse as well. while i vowed never to speak vulgarities, i've learnt alot of them since entering the army. i also have become darker, in a sense. it's an innocence lost, an optimism gone. i realised the bubble i've been living in all this while: happy nuclear family, dad with a stable job, mum with a stable job, brothers who are in school and doing fairly well, myself doing well in school, hanging out with friends who share the same values as i do, friends who don't lead you astray and wait for you to finish your meal before returning the tray together. and i realised that the good fortune i've been blessed with that is my life, is not one that many others enjoy, and it saddens me, terribly. i realised what a bubble i've been living in, what blessed fortune, what a gift from God i've had, and i'm both thankful and saddened at the same time. i've heard so many stories both in BMT and in this unit, that have really wrenched my heart and made me thank God for His favour over my life. i've met and made friends with people from single parent families, divorced familes, families whose parents don't give a damn about their children, i've met and made friends with people who smoke, drank, have tatoos, associate with gangs, womanise, sleep around...yet i don't think myself better than them. i am rather, humbled by the grace and favour of God on my life, and it makes me wonder how terrible things could turn with one wrong decision, one bad timing, one momentary lapse of reason...

the past year has shown the best in people and worst in people. i've seen sides of people that do not sit well with me: lecherous, materialistic, slothful, irresponsible, arrogant, unreasonable, the list goes on...yet an environment as cold and unfeeling as the army has also the ability to bring out the best sides in people: helpful, selfless, hardworking, diligent, friendly, loyal, encouraging, and the list goes on. the whole irony of the army is that the best and the worst can come and co-exist in the same place at the same time performing the same task. i think the best and worst sides of me have emerged as well. i realised that i could actually persevere through a physical task, much to my bewielderment, when i dug that shellscrape at field camp in 7 hours, i realised i also have the amazing capacity for bullshit when things don't go my way and i can still somehow find a way not to get pissed off. i also found out sides of me i don't like: i realised that i am, really, very messy; i found out that at times i can be very insensitive and shoot my tongue off and offend people without realising it; i can get irritated by the slightest of things; and the list goes on. i try to suppress my bad side. we all have a dark side i suppose, but inevitably, unwittingly, because we are but human, it emerges, and we do stupid things, things we regret on hindsight, things we wish we never did, things that when we look back, slap ourselves and wonder how we got so stupid in the first place.

i feel that i'm reaching a watershed right now. a crossroads, perhaps. the following year will be an important one. it will be one that will affect how i choose to live my life for a long time to come. there will be challenges, obstacles, tempations, distractions. yet, there will also be opportunities, celebrations, guidance. it's scary, to think that everything and anything might change in an instant. so many times this year i was so close to throwing in the towel on God, on everything that i stood for, on all the values and beliefs inculcated into me by the fine parenting of my father and mother. it's scary to think that we might turn aside, fall off, fade away any time, that any wrong turn, and bad move and it's Game Over. thank God that He's always kept me in the palm of His hand, that from challenge to challenge, from obstacle to obstacle, He's always guided me, encouraged me, provoked me, stimulated me and challenged me, and I've grown from strength to strength, glory to glory.

i cruised through life all the way until 4 dec 2008. aceing tests and exams were merely a matter of studying hard, ccas were fun after-school activities that served to widen my social circle with a bunch of similarly fun-loving friends, church was a place i grew up in, God was a person i took for granted. i think reality struck when i enlisted and was exposed to a whole new world i never knew existed. or rather, i knew, but never knew existed. cognitive knowledge vs practical knowledge. a world where people had no qualms pointing their middle finger at you and meaning it, where it was acceptable to insult someone's parents if you didn't like him, a world where women were referred to as sex objects and judged on the size of their boobs, a world where, when you wanted to curse someone you would offer to have sex with them (albeit using the vulgar term starting with F), and the appropriate response would be to offer to F them back, a world where it was better to lie, cheat and steal rather than to be honest, patient and diligent, a world gone mad, a world gone wrong. i hated the army, and now i still do. yet i must be thankful to it, for teaching me about life, about how to live it in a way that is set apart, that is different. i must be thankful for it for showing me things that i never have seen before, for teaching methat it is mostly better to hold my tongue rather than shoot it off. i've learnt how to suss out leaders who deserve respect from those who deserve disdain and scorn, and i've learnt how to ask God to help me forgive them. i've learnt that friends are easy to make but hard to keep, and i've found friends who will be with me for life.

i've learnt to trust God. when i am whisked away from the comforts of home and civilian life to an offshore military facility with just the bare essentials, living apart from my family and friends and forced to interact with a group of 40 complete strangers, i learnt to trust God. when i was out in the jungle for field camp, swatting mosquitoes, not bathing, eating horrible combat rations, i learnt to trust God. when i was posted to become a trooper in a forsaken, forlorn unit, i learnt to trust God. when training was tough and we had little sleep, when we bashed jungles and engaged in pointless firefights, i learnt to trust God. when i encountered unreasonable superiors who constantly toyed with bookout times and pile work upon work on me, i learnt to trust God. when we had to burn weekends and public holidays to spend the entire day shooting at the range, i learnt to trust God. when i spent 8 weekends away from church, detached from my weekly spiritual fix, just to direct traffic for NDP rehearsals, i learnt to trust God. when i collapsed outfield, got IV-ed and was hospitalised for 2 days for heat exhaustion, i learnt to trust God.

as i write this post, it's beginning to occur to me: it's not about me. this past year was never about me. it was all about God. it was Him working in my life, teaching me how to trust Him, how to put Him first, how to seek His face and still believe that He is sovereign even in an environment where 'God' is whoever has a rank higher than you. it was never about my problems, my difficulties, my challenges...it's come clear now. it's amazing isn't it? that as i look back on the year past, i see God's hand in everything. the non-believer or atheist might roll his eyes, but the Christian in me sees through eyes of faith, the work of God in my life, and everything that God made, it is good.

i suppose i should conclude this uber-long post. looking in the crystal ball to the year ahead, i see a need to continue trusting God. to learn to be conscious to do good to people around me, to learn to be a better manager of human-human relationships. i will also be preparing for life after army, maybe get a job, plan a holiday or something. i hope to get my drivers' license and expand my guitar repertoire. i would also like to improve on my french and learn to cook more dishes. in church, i would like to see my LG multiply to two, and my two SPs become leaders in these new LGs soon. i hope to finalise my uni application and get ready for a new chapter in life. one year, halfway there. this journey will end soon.

random thoughts

2009-11-30T14:29:00.002+08:00

it's the last day of the six-day weekend. the time really flew by! this is very much due to the fact that for four days since wednesday (when i booked out), i have been busy working at church, getting the place and programme ready for the birthday bash on saturday. busy, busy, busy. i so totally love it. the birthday bash itself was a raging success. the people came, they loved the whole programme, and people said it was good. it did make me feel very proud for being in the team that helped pull the whole thing off. thank God for really making it all possible, for sustaining us throughout the week as we cheong-ed like mad. now that it's over, i can't wait for what's next: YOUTH CAMP!!! i missed youth camp last year, which was a disappointment. but this year, i can go! (thank you lieutenant phang), and i'm determined to really have a good time this year.

i've taken to uploading all the old photos in my com onto facebook. i realised that i have folders and folders of old photos just waiting to be uploaded. it seems there's this trend on facebook to dig out all the photos taken in the time before facebook and upload them so that people can comment and have a good laugh about it. and i'm hopping on to this bandwagon. yesterday i put up all the 4J photos and today i'm putting up the 3R photos. i realised that photos are just so timeless, so wonderful at helping people remember stuff, rehashing memories. the camera must be one of the best inventions ever.

this Friday would be my one-year anniversary in the army. gosh has it been a year already? what will the next year hold? what new adventures will i embark on next? that shall be another post for another day.

meanwhile, enjoy the sounds of Ou De Yang, the guy whose songs really remind me secondary school days:

tomorrow we make history

2009-11-28T00:06:00.001+08:00

tomorrow we make history.

busy bee

2009-11-26T23:44:00.002+08:00

it's an off day! yesterday was the beginning of a six-day weekend, that started on Wednesday and ends on Monday. what a great joy! i was just discussing with Jia Hao that day about how December is a winding down period, and a block holiday period, and how ingrained that notion is in the Singaporean psyche.

in the days since my last post, i have been keeping myself busy with guitar lessons, provided by Terry for free in the bunk. since then, i've learnt a number of songs, including Qing Tian, Poker Face, Viva La Vida, I'm Yours and Collide, more of less revolving around the same chords. guitar is fun. i wonder why i didn't pick it up earlier. it's such an irony that, 6 years after quitting AHS Guitar Ensemble in Sec 1 because i had absolutely zero interest in music, i am now learning guitar in the army, at the ripe old age of 19.

i've been keeping myself occupied doing a lot of church work, preparing for the birthday bash on Saturday. after booking out yesterday morning, i got home, slept for an hour before going out to meet to discuss the skit. then met derek and amanda later at night to discuss it further and buy materials for decor. after that i went home and did the milestones video till 3am when the comp crashed, gave up and went to bed. today i was up bright and early, partly because i wasn't used to waking up after the sun has risen above the horizon. i tried to get the video finished, but it failed, went to marine parade at 10.30 to get materials for the decor, realised popular only opens at 11, went for lunch, went to buy the materials, went to church, helped out a bit with the decor, and rehearsed the skit till 2plus when we called Derek to can the skit, thought of a brand new one and rehearsed it until 8plus. now i'm back home finishing up the video (it's done, thankfully), sending a file to amos, and finally finding some time to blog. I LOVE THIS LIFE.

i think i'm a workaholic. i just really love to do things. of course, they must be meaningful and productive endeavours, not mindless, inane, repititions done for the sake of putting on a good show so that we can pat ourselves on the back and pretend that we've achieved something spectacular when all that we've done is useless expenditure of energy. the army comes to mind at this juncture. so yah, i'm really a workaholic, as much as i like to think of myself as a slacker, work really energises me. i recall the many hours spent mugging away, and ending the day feeling so fulfilled and accomplished. i also recall the council meetings, the staying back late and the numerous cca rehearsals in secondary school. those were really wonderful times, looking back. so i've come to the conclusion that, so long as i attach value to the things i'm doing, work, regardless of how intense or difficult it may be, actually energises me and i actually do like doing it.

on the other hand, there is a danger of becoming a Martha. i think the story of Mary and Martha has secular applications as well. when we are so focused on doing the job well, we will tend to forget who or why we are working as hard as we are. when we lose focus, then the meaning for the work is lost, and it returns to become mindless expenditure of enery, empty and purposeless. i have been guilty of being Martha many many times. i must admit that, when working i am extremely task oriented. i detest diversions and digressions, and so that translates to many times forsaking human relations in order to fulfill a task. i admit in secondary school i was so caught up in cca i neglected spending time with family and even church, and when mugging for A levels, i missed alot of family gatherings as well. in this period of busyness, i feel strongly about having to take a step back, breathe in, and seek God first. as the saying goes, "too busy NOT to pray".

work is good, it takes your mind off many other things. when you focus your energies and time onto one single purpose, you tend to forget all other distractions. and i guess i've been going through many circumstances that provide distractions and diversions. they are emotional, mental and physical problems, yet all those fade away when i can concentrate on a single task. maybe that's why i like work, it keeps me away from wandering in my own thoughts.

in other news, i'm turing 20 in less than two months time. it's a watershed of sorts i guess. not a boy, not yet a man. haha. can't believe i'm quoting Britney Spears. yah maybe i should be a different person, shake off bad habits, pick up good ones. maybe the army is a good time for reflection, and a time to discover one's values and what one stands for, and build on those principles in preparation for adult life. gosh, i'm sounding so old. won't time just turn back to 2007 and freeze there? i want to be seventeen again...

Let him know that you know best
Coz after all, you do know best
Try to slip past his defence
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
And things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong
I've lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
-How to Save A Life (The Fray)

老板走了

2009-11-19T08:46:00.002+08:00

没想到这一天终于到来了。昨天我请了假，回返我最心爱的圣中，参加了李立群老师的欢送会。

(i would finish up the rest of the post in chinese if i were as fluent in the language as i am in English, but since i can express myself better in english, here goes...)

i was really happy to be back, despite having to clear half a day of leave to go for the farewell. it really was never about the drama camp and the accompanying 小品比赛, it was always about laoban, wasn't it? listening to her goodbye speech yesterday was a really heartwarming, heart wrenching and altogether emotional experience. and i realised that this awesome woman, who has inspired loyalty, respect and admiration among more than a decade's worth of students, has really taken a hard beating, by politicking, by (unnecessary) stress, and she's finally have to give up, throw in the towel and take care of herself more. hearing what she had to say about being 'targeted' and 'maligned' by the school management, which really drove her away, was a very sad thing. i realised that it was an unnecessary loss to the school, to CDS. i think laoban never wanted to leave AHS. as an alumni, nobody really wants to leave AHS, we keep returning, keep on calling up and meeting teachers and friends, because it really was one of the best experiences of our lives. but she had to leave, because of the way she was being treated by the school.

她昨天给了一个演讲。她说，她在清理书桌时，把所有的测验，笔记，都丢掉了，但她唯一没丢的东西就是数年来学生写给她的贺卡，the letters of appreciation, the many custom-made gifts from batches and batches of students. “这些东西不能丢，丢了就买不回来了“，然后忍不住地，热泪盈眶。my first impression of laoban was that she was a really fierce, unapproachable strongwoman, the iron lady with a titanium will, and steely glare to match. she was legendary in that her stare alone would make some girls cry. but yesterday, she did show her softer, vulnerable side, a side rarely seen, a side that seldom surfaced beneath that strong, unbreakable exterior. 老板始终也是人。

i think laoban is a remarkable teacher, the best in her trade. not because she is able to churn out dozens of A students year after year, but because, her students (A or otherwise), never fail to return to the school year after year. her students give her their best because she always gave us her best. 蔡老师说，她很羡慕老板，为什么？因为，她有这么多校友，即使毕业了这么多年，当学会，当老师，需要帮忙时，他们都会积极地会来帮忙，而且不是意思意思回来，而是带着“一颗心“回来的。这不是一般老师能够做得到。老板成功不在她的学生毕业后，在社会上有非凡的成就，不在她的学生毕业了能够上大学，获得奖学金，做公司总裁，国会议员，等等。她成功在，她的学生，不管是靠到什么成绩，不管在上学时期是个high profile,积极的学生，她的欢送会时，竟然招徕了一批又一批的毕业生回来。我觉得这是非常难得的。that so many batches of students would rush down to AHS after work, after school, that two crazy guys would clear half a day of leave to comem down from Sungei Gedon camp, is testament to the breath and depth of the impact she's made in her students' lives after all these years. although many of these alumni have stopped returning to AHS regularly, although they haven't been around much, they've never forgotten the times in AHSCDS, and more importantly, they haven't forgotten laoban, no matter how far they've gone in life, what they've done or where they're going. in that respect, i think laoban is an extraordinary teacher, a life-changer, a person-developer. i think that's rare in a teacher, and i think our principal has failed in that she lost such an extraordinary teacher.

但老板累了。她的身体不好了。长年累月为我们奔波，为我们打气，为我们担心，为我们哭，使她的眼睛不好了，being exposed to stress for such a long time has really took a toll on her body, on her health, and yes, 她必须多爱她自己。so she's leaving, reluctantly, to a new environment, where hopefully she'll be alot happier, alot more relaxed, less stressed, where the principal will treat her better. thank you laoban, for always putting your students first, for having the true heart of a teacher. i think really, the mark of success in life isn't how much you have in your bank account, or how large your house is, or how many girls you've bedded, but how many lives you've touched. laoban realised that a long time ago, and her time in AHS really hasn't been lived in vain. i only wish that i could have a farewell like hers, where the different people i've encountered over the years would return as a powerful demonstration of a life well lived.

加油吧，老板。

为得今日的掌声
费尽不少的心血
没有辛苦的耕耘
何来欣慰的收获
谁不曾在学习路上尝到失败与挫折
有谁不想成为明日耀眼的星星

望了失败继续前进
世上没有做不到的事
戏剧工作虽然艰辛
我却坚持走下去
不怕困难没有畏惧
自己的路自己掌握
只要勿忘我曾是中文戏剧一分子
只要铭记在我心我爱戏剧一辈子
-戏剧之歌（圣公会中学中文戏剧学会）

saturday night live

2009-11-15T00:21:00.003+08:00

i just had the most wonderful saturday. i consider a day well-spent if it's been chock full of activities, meaningful ones of course. and today was one of those days. i went for this awesome lunch at jack's place with the family for Edison and Oliver's birthdays, and i totally loved the baked potato with the extra sour cream (sour cream ftw!). it was followed by a short shopping trip with my brothers where i bought a belt and a pair of slippers for their respective birthdays. i then went to church where we had baptism.

baptism was just great, i totally enjoyed it. i think what made it really special were the 9 (yes NINE) candidates who were up for water baptism. their testimonies were also very good and personal, and i really enjoyed listening how Jesus changed their lives for the better. it was also great because we more than filled up a whole bus. imagine how many youth we have now! some of us even had to tompang Uncle Philip's car in order to get everybody to the beach. but what was more important was the fact that we have so many candidates, and that they're ALL youth, whereas previously it was usually combined with Young Adults or Adults. the things God is doing in Livewire, how awesome is it? water baptism is always a very important first step for new believers, symbolising their dying to their old self and resurrecting to a new form. and, if we can really keep these people in God's will and get them to grow and serve, we have a generation that's ready to be set apart and do great things for God's Kingdom and maybe there'll be some hope for this world after all. i am so looking forward to the day we have our own missionaries, pastors, teachers, coming out from this former motley crew of young people and now a flourishing youth ministry. to God be all the glory.

i went, after baptism, to the Singapore v Thailand match at the National Stadium. the place is like stuck in a time warp. going there is a great way of feeling what it must have been like to watch soccer in the 70s and 80s. it's funny, that in a city teeming with modernity and cutting-edge infrastructure, Singapore still has a National Stadium that is very much the same as when it was built in the 70s. it's high time we got a more modern stadium that is more reflective of how far we've come. but that aside, Thailand was just the worst team i've ever watched, in terms of sportsmanship. their dives, arguments with the referee, taunts, and altogether unsporting behaviour was just to delay time to get themselves in the lead. it was despicable and an insult to soccer. FAS should lodge a complain with AFC and get them into some trouble. so what if you can score 3 goals but in between play like there are no rules or integrity needed in football. i so do not want to watch Thailand play, ever. i turn my nose up at a team like this, pathetic. there was absolutely no pride in winning that game, and if my team played like that, i wouldn't be too happy or proud about it either.

it's been a great Saturday, back to camp again tomorrow. hope this week will be slacker than the last. looking forward to service tomorrow. need to really reconnect with God again. i've been feeling distant, disconnected. i need Him again, always.

i want to sit at your feet
drink from the cup in your hand
lay down against you and breathe, feel your heartbeat
this love is so deep
it's more than i can stand
i melt in your peace, it's overwhelming
-The More I Seek You (Zach Neese)

no surprise

2009-11-13T23:43:00.002+08:00

i just killed this monstrous flying ant that invaded my keyboard. i kinda feel bad about it, coz the poor little fella didn't really do anything wrong besides looking really menacing. i mean, just because something looks gross doesn't give you the right to take their life. so i'm feeling kinda guilty about killing it and dumping the carcass unceremoniously out of the window. i hope it goes to heaven and then i can apologise to it, but it'll thank me for sending it there earlier. (random thought: do cockroaches go to hell?)

it's been a mad, mad week in camp. it was a short week, with Monday and Tuesday off. but the three days we spent in camp were quite horrible, with turnouts and lots of cleaning to do. the week was made easier because there was no guard duty and i'm let off for a whole weekend (yay). also, i booked out earlier today to go for medical appointment. basically, it was a very short week in camp, but the short time spent there was filled up with lots of mindless activity, which made the week quite unbearable. i guess that's army.

i've been abandoning my psp and turning back to reading. i think it's a phase. when i first got my psp, i was just playing it non-stop. now the novelty has worn off and i'm going back to reading. i just want to get the brain juices flowing again. i've borrowed this very interesting book, What if Jesus Had Never Been Born, which examines Christianity's impact on society today, in the fields of economics, history, science, education, the arts, among others. i think it's important to have a macro view of Christianity, above and beyond my own personal belief in Jesus Christ. it's important to know how that belief can be translated into action that will be beneficial to others and, by extension, the rest of society. i shall begin on it right after i'm done with A Very Short Introduction to International Relations by Paul Wilkinson. need to get myself up to speed with what i'm potentially going to be studying. books, books, books. i love books!

been feeling quite down recently. i keep suspecting i'm suffering from depression, although that is certainly not the case. i think it's the army getting to me. most of my current woes can be distilled down to four letters: A-R-M-Y. that said, i really feel like getting away from it all. i've been fantasising about taking a trip to a resort island and just pamper myself on the beach. i just feel like going somewhere all by myself, to take a bit of 'me' time out for myself, to escape. i want to be an escapist i think. a nice week-long trip to a beautiful resort island, sipping ice-cold coke (with lemon) on a beach baking under the sun is what i really need right now. any sponsors? no movement, no activity, no worries, no schedules...just pure RELAX. gosh, it just seems so beyond my reach. *snaps back to reality*

累了，我累了。
飞吧，飞吧。

psp stories

2009-11-10T21:47:00.002+08:00

the past two days of off have been absolutely fabulous. i love off days! (or, in proper english, days off).

yesterday my psp went crazy on me and so i decided to bring it down to the shop at far east to get it checked, apparently, the main problem is because i put a different theme in the psp, so that spoilt the system. which seems kinda fishy, because i know for sure that i didn't have any problem with the theme, which was installed one week ago. but nevermind, it's over now. i would love to get a new memory card, preferably 8GB and above. any sponsors? (christmas is just around the corner...)

so i went down to orchard this afternoon with terry. and it was just great walking around orchard on a lazy tuesday afternoon, except it was the school holidays, so there were alot of people around. nevertheless, going to orchard makes me kinda happy, i guess. it was the alternative go-to place during jc, beside J8. i remember going down after school to Lido, where i caught alot of movies for only $3, thanks to Shakira's Shaw card, and also going there to do filming for the MOF video with beanie and hilary. i just don't know why i have so many memories in orchard. i didn't use to like to go there during secondary school. it seemed too far, too crowded, too expensive. but when i went to rj, orchard became the alternative hangout location because i think i was more central (after all, rj is in bishan), and due to the large rgs influence in school. now there are new malls and underpasses. i love how it keeps changing and reinventing itself. viva Orchard road!

was reading this article yesterday in the ST's youthink section, about being a global citizen. this guy, Goh Wen Zhong, was saying that becoming a global citizen wasn't as easy or as glamourous as he thought:

I have certainly aspired to lead the golden life of a global citizen, but grappling with reality is perhaps a different matter. the idea of flitting from one country to the next, taking from each what I like, appealed to me. i thought it would be easy...now, two months into my japanese experience, i would say that all that glitters is not gold.

this is quite unfortunate really. i too, would really love to lead the life of a 'global citizen', to be as at home in Singapore as i would be in London, New York or Tokyo. i certainly can't wait for the day i would fly off to Heathrow and learn to live all alone in a whole new city, on a whole new continent (well, technically, the UK is really a group of islands off Europe). so, when he says it isn't easy to be a global citizen, well, that's just quite sad. still, i would love to live a life flitting between cities, hobnobbing with the global citizenry in English, French, Japanese and Mandarin (oh that sounds so elitist). but seriously, this world is really large and there's just so much to learn, so many places to go to, so many people to meet (so many cuisines to try)...but through it all, i think home will always be Singapore. i grew up here, my friends and family are here, and there's no substituting it i guess, this growing up experience. after all, we are only born in one country.

going back to camp tomorrow. the week will pass quickly, i believe. three days to bookout. stay positive, be happy.

this is it

2009-11-10T00:49:00.004+08:00

just came back from watching Michael Jackson's This is It, it's a movie i had been eagerly anticipating since i found out about it. it was just the most awesome experience, watching a true genius work the stage, seeing how he works behind the scenes, to bring about the best show. some people are born to be great, and i think MJ was just that sort of person. everything about him just smacks of true talent, it's like he exudes this aura of talent in his performances, a true genius. it's just so regrettable that he will never get a chance to perform his final concert, a real pity.

what really struck me about the movie was the passion that he put in his work. it really showed that Michael wasn't doing it for the money or to clear his debts, but rather, it showed how passionate and serious he was about putting on the best show ever. he was a perfectionist, but more than that, he also wanted to be the best. i was thinking, if i were MJ, i wouldn't need to put so much work into one concert, why bother with the rehearsals, why keep trying them over and over again? why spend so much money on props, on sets, on dancers, etc, when i know that people are going to come to my concerts anyway? maybe that's what made Michael Jackson Michael Jackson, the commitment to excellence, the high demands of himself, working to meet his own standards and expectations, and not anyone else's. i think it's an important lesson to learn.

it's a pity that he was taken before he really could finish that final concert, that last flourish of a colourful life.

***

i just so love off days, what's not to like? you get to wake up late, get to watch inane morning tv cooking shows, take your own sweet time deciding what to eat for lunch, make appointments with your friends and go late for them, stay out late and come home when everyone's asleep. i love freedom! 13 months to go...let freedom reign.

in the meantime, there's something seriously wrong with my psp. the memory card seems to be corrupted, so i can't play games on my psp anymore. this is extremely saddening. i hope it's only a memory card problem, and nothing wrong with the psp motherboard per se, if not, i might end up with a dud psp, which does not augur well for the 285bucks spent on it. looks like i have to go down to the shop tomorrow to check out what's wrong with the thingy. gosh, technology just fails on me sometimes. it's like it hates me and wants to declare war on me or something. i'm not a techophile, more like a technophobe. blogs are fine since you just type into a box and publish. but anything higher level, like html, or programming or what nuts, i'm just really sorry. gosh, i'm a technonoob. how hopeless.

i'm starting with the man in the mirror
i'm asking him to change his ways
and no message could have been any clearer
if you wanna make the world a better place
take a look at yourself and make that change

-Man in the Mirror (Michael Jackson)

indeed...

back home

2009-11-08T18:11:00.003+08:00

i've been having this weird mango desserts fetish this past week. on nights out on thursday i went to eat the glorious mango shaved ice in Lot One's 'basement of sin' (where all the horribly fattening foods are located), and today i tried mango ice longan from blk 85's dessert stall. when i went home i saw, to my delight, a packet of 7D dried mangoes on the dining table. oh the joy. it's mango season! and suddenly i feel like i can't get enough of the yellow stuff. it's absolutely divine, the mushy flesh, the sweet-sour taste and the fibrous parts near the seed. it's like the perfect fruit. i love mangoes!

guard duty was so utterly exhausting, mostly due to the lack of proper sleep than due to the actual activity of guard duty. weekend guard duties are much slacker than weekdays but they are a tremendous waste of good bookout time. one wonders what he can do on a saturday night and sunday morning instead rotting at the vehicle shed. nevertheless it's over, and i'm quite assured of a full weekend next week and two days off on monday and tuesday, so it's not all bad.

apparently, Carla Bruni has her own website. how wonderful is that? although, for us in the English-speaking world, the website is good primarily for pictures of Carla Bruni more than for actually reading her blog, since it's all in French. thankfully, Google has this usefu and convenient, albeit flawed, translator tool where you can just copy and paste the URL and they'll translate the whole webpage for you. it's quite extraordinary really. and who knew that Carla Bruni is 42? she looks 24 to me. in case anyone's wondering why i'm stalking Carla Bruni online, i'm not. there was this article in the Lifestyle section today on First Ladies that blog/tweet, and Carla Bruni was featured, along with Queen Rania of Jordan, another beautiful First Lady. makes you wonder if our First Lady would start a blog of her own as well.

speaking of the Lifestyle section, i think Ignatius Low deserves a standing ovation for a very heartfelt article that appeared today. it was an essay on his thoughts about his recently-concluded 20-year reunion. he was talking about his class from Hwa Chong and where his classmates ended up, some still in Singapore, others in Britain, Hong Kong and even Slovenia. he also talked about his high-school sweetheart and how things might have been different if they stayed together. it was an essay that got me thinking about my 20-year reunion, which is taking place in 18 years' time. i especially like this paragraph:

and as we sat at a long table chattering away in small groups, I felt the years melt away, bringing us back to the pock-marked table we used to sit at in the old Bukit Batok canteen. there's L and V over there struggling to finish their food, J is stressing out over her homework, while A and H wait to be picked up by their drivers. and sitting beside me, in our own little world, is my old high school sweetheart J.

it just totally brings back memories of that RJ canteen. and i love how he uses the phrase, 'melt away', and how he brings out all the jc stereotypes, the slow eaters (shanti), the kiasu student trying to finish his homework (yiliang), the rich kids waiting to go home (tracy) and the class couple who are in their own little world. yes, how i can totally identify with the scene he just described. it's amazing how things never change. and as i was teaching jethro Maths and GP for his impending A levels on tuesday, it just occurred to me how long ago those school days seem. it was a time where everything felt more laidback, more innocent, more optimistic. those were days i truly looked forward to meeting friends and going to school. Heaven forbid memories of those JC days should fade into oblivion. oh gosh, how i miss school. and unfortunately, i shall never again be donning a uniform and attending lectures and going for recess. when i first entered RJ, i was desperate for time to fly by so i could leave a place where i felt i couldn't fit in. when i was about to leave, i realised that it had become such a part of me, i regretted not making full use of my time there. today, i'm in the army, waiting for university. jc, secondary school, they will just become mere memories, like film without sound, playing at the back of my head, never to return again. it's miserable, really, that those are bygone days. yet one continues to soldier on as he progresses in life, doesn't he?

on another note, trawling ebay for stuff is just so addictive. i was inspired to revive my ancient ebay account and start exploring the site seriously after terry told me about his crumpler bag finds on ebay. thing is, i have this stigma about buying used stuff, not that i'm a snob or anything, it's just that, how can you really trust whatever the seller claims to sell? i really don't know. plus, nothing beats hitting the shops for real, although it's seriously tiring and you end up spending more money on drinks and food than on actual consumer goods. nevertheless, i will give ebay a try, at least browse through it, to see if there's anything good on it. i think it's such a marvelous idea, ebay. it's just the most universal marketplace in the world, and i think it's really a great invention, so kudos to the folks at ebay.

i love being on off.

guard duty...

2009-11-07T20:32:00.002+08:00

who knew that the i-net room is open on weekends? yes, i am currently stuck in camp. oh this is so hateful. this is a beautiful saturday night and instead of being at home or outside catching a movie or something i'm stuck in the i-net room and its very questionable smell. (this is what happens when you put an air-con room in an army camp, it almost inevitably has a questionable odour that ranges from musty to pungent) nevertheless, beggars can't be choosers and free internet access in an army camp is definitely a luxury. it sure beats sleeping in the bunk the whole time and waiting for the time to pass faster.

pizza hut is having this awesome 2 regular pizzas for $19.90 and i ordered it. now i have to finish six pizzas and half a bottle of pepsi by tomorrow to make the money worth the while. one makes himself as comfortable as possible. this saturday guard duty is made less painful with the fact that monday and tuesday are going to be off and yesterday we were allowed to book out at the extraordinarily early time of 2pm, which is crazy early for my company. let's hope more such days happen in the future. still, having monday and tuesday off doesn't translate to a more busy social calender, since most of my friends are either studying (girls) or in camp (guys). nevertheless, one never complains when one gets free day offs from camp. so i shall take the time to indulge in a little 'me' time and also maybe try out some new recipes.

the past week has been a week of change in camp. OC CPT Warren has been posted out to some other unit. it's funny that usually people never appreciate each other until they are compelled to leave. it's like we take each other for granted but until they leave then we realise that maybe we should have done things differently or treated them better. i don't know. humans are funny creatures. also, the sergeants have more or less ORD-ed. it's quite sad to see them go since we've built a certain rapport and working relationship over the past few months. so there will be no more crazy shouting and cursing in the bunk opposite mine, no more sergeant gideon's outfield Gardenia buffets, no more sergeant yeow ting's sat-sat pringles, no more sergeant wei cong's sniffling and no more sergeant jin han to tell me not to eat too much porridge buffets. there will still be sergeant jarvis around, but he's leaving the platoon and we're getting a new sect comm.

have some more stuff to blog about but i think i'll pass for now. it doesn't feel right blogging from a camp computer...

my new favourite song:

and i want you to know
that it doesn't matter
where we take this road
coz someone's gotta go
and i want you to know
you couldn't have loved me better
but i want you to move on
so i'm already gone
-Already Gone (Kelly Clarkson)

halloween horrors

2009-10-31T22:30:00.002+08:00

happy halloween! actually there's nothing happy about halloween, and i'm now here to blog about how much i hate halloween. actually i have nothing against the festival per se. i think that the idea of getting kids to dress up as fairies and skeletons and have them go around literally begging for sweets and snacks is actually quite a cool one. what gets my goat is the halloween fever in Singapore. it's almost as though everyone is jumping on the halloween bandwagon and organising halloween parties, the Night Safari is having this halloween-themed thingy during october. i mean, what's the point of Singaporeans copying this Uniquely American (pun intended) tradition? it's like Americans holding getai during the seventh month and seeing ang mohs prancing around makeshift stages in glittery costumes blaring hokkien songs. it all seems so pseudo to me. it's like, oh Americans are celebrating halloween, it's so cool, we get to dress up in weird costumes and scare each other to bits. how shallow.

it amazes me how people can get excited about halloween here in Singapore. in a culture where death, monsters, ghosts and ghouls are supposed to be inauspicious, even taboo subjects, it's funny how people are falling over themselves to dress up as those. i bet some old people would be shocked, even offended at seeing this young generation indulging in halloween parties and celebrating with jack-o-lanterns and witch costumes. i think, even in an age of globalisation, there are some traditions unique to certain cultures and it should stay that way. halloween has no meaning to ordinary Singaporeans, it is a totally foreign practice, with no particular religious or cultural significance, yet it's being celebrated to an extent far beyond that of a normal holiday. it's not that i'm xenophobic or traditional or bigoted, it's just that Singaporeans who grew up in kampungs and HDBs playing marbles, uno cards and zero point suddenly wishing each other 'happy halloween' smacks of pseudo-ness. it's just so fake, a mere pretence, a pitiful excuse for drunkenness and debauchery. 'oh it's halloween, so lets have a massive party and get all drunk'.

it just goes to show that Singaporeans are mostly still suffering from some kind of a colonial hangover. anything that is Western (or Japanese) is automatically superior, good and cool, whereas anything Asian or Middle Eastern or from the developing world is greeted with skepticism, and in extreme cases, scorn and disgust. i think it's high time we stopped trying to emulate the West (and Japan) and start creating our own culture, our own way of life, and be proud of it. we can spend our whole time trying to look like, think like and act like an American, but we'll never be an American, at best a carbon copy, but never the orginal, and at worst, a desperate poser. i'm proud of my Singlish and my hawker food. not that i'm extra patriotic or anything, it's just that this was how i was brought up, and i don't see a need to twist to fit anyone's (Western) mould. i think it's perfectly possible to be Asian and modern as well, without a need to turn into a pseudo-American or pseudo-Brit.

ok, don't know what that rant was all about. it's saturday night already! how time flies. soon it'll be time to book in. i hate this seemingly endless vicious cycle of happy fridays, moody saturdays and sad sundays. it must be broken soon! it will be! at least it will on 021210. the magic number...having said that, this year seems to have passed by sooner than i had expected it. looking through my camera pictures, i realised what a great year it had been, from xiangying 09 to POP to the Bintan trip, my first without parents, to the various church activities, what a year it has been! and lets hope it'll end on a high with Livewire 2nd birthday bash, youth camp, and christmas coming up.

and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and who have been called according to His purpose. i guess that, in all that has happened, is happening and will happen, God is good and all things will work out for me if i keep loving Him and stay true to His purpose for me. To God be the glory.

rubik's cube!

2009-10-31T10:42:00.002+08:00

i've finally completed the rubik's cube! *joy* this ends my 2-year plus quest to complete what is probably the most popular mind-boggling puzzle ever invented by man! i am so overusing superlatives but what the heck. anyhow, ever since jason bought a rubik's cube for me for christmas 07, i've always wanted to finish it. however, i never wanted to use the formula (which can be easily found on the internet), coz i thought it would be cheating. i managed to find out how to solve the first layer by myself, but finally relented after weeks of frustration and went online to find out how to complete the second layer. after a rather difficult time mastering how to solve the second layer, i gave up on the third layer and never touched my rubik's cube ever since. who knew i would learn how to complete the rubik's cube while serving NS, and i've always called the army an intellectual desert. Terry, my buddy from another mother (and father), is the one i have to credit for helping me complete the quest. guard duty was really boring and he started teaching other people how to solve the cube. this kinda piqued my interest and i got him to teach me to solve the last layer. after days of dithering and mind-wrangling, we finally got it done! so yay

the past week has been quite sian, really. what with all the unnecessary training, guard duties and last book outs. surviving army life really takes a special kind of will and determination. either that, or get ready to go insane. the new sergeants came in last week but really started taking over duties this week. it's weird that these people came in in the same batch as me and now they're our commanders. makes you think what could have been.

i think i shall blog more tomorrow or something, but for now, these videos are amazing!

what hurts the most

2009-10-24T21:41:00.002+08:00

24-hour guard duty is SO not fun, especially so if it's on a friday and ends on sat, and even MORE so if it's the second friday in a row doing guard duty. so yes, it's really tiring having to stay up all night and then go off to church immediately after guard duty. sometimes i wonder why i'm doing all this, rushing to church, spending inordinate amounts of weekend time in that Roxy Square basement, having to turn down outings with friends, etc. but when i reach there, i find it's all worth it. really, one day in the house of God is better than a thousand days in the world. i never really felt the true meaning of that line until i entered army, and weekend time became more precious than ever before.

nevertheless, congratulations to myself for surviving yet another week of army. this ordeal will be over soon. it's like a bad dream that you can't wake up from, despite trying as hard as you can to pinch yourself awake. the good news is that at least i know when i will wake up from this bad dream. Sgt Gideon has left already, clearing leave till ORD to prepare for A levels, and soon most of the old specs will be gone. this is quite sad, since we've grown quite used to having them around and of course, the inevitable jealousy will rage on as we lament the fact that there are still 14 more months to go before we will undergo the same fate.

in happier news, i finally tied up my ucas application, and it's now been sent to LSE for consideration, so let's pray hard and hope that LSE likes my application and decides to offer me a place. once again, i can't help but be really excited about London. there's just one more step to realising a dream of studying there, and that is getting accepted by LSE, so i really hope to clear this one stage, or else it'd be back to square one.

speaking about living overseas, i encountered this person on the mrt today. i assume he was a Singaporean who grew up in the US, coz he spoke with a thick American accent, and he was speaking over the handphone to someone i think was his friend in the US. and he was speaking really loudly belittling Singapore on the MRT. "I tell you dude, Singapore seriously sucks", at the top of his voice, in the middle of the MRT. it came from a position of arrogance, and was extremely obnoxious, he was also telling his friend about how ridiculously small Singapore was and how dumb and uncreative the people are because they come as witches and Frankensteins for Halloween parties. it really irked me that someone could be so arrogant and apparent about it. imagine if i were in a New York subway train and i say, at the top of my voice, that "Americans are dumb-asses, fat, slothful and clueless". i think i might get shot. the point is, even if you really don't like and look down on a country or people, don't go around publicising it in the train. what was really bad was this guy is probably Singaporean, and sans the thick, pseudo accent, would not be out of place in any Singapore venue. so, three words: obnoxious, poser and shallow. so i resolve not to be like this person after i come back from overseas.

i'm watching the interview by Charlie Rose with Lee Kuan Yew now, it is rather interesting. it's good that LKY is willing to allow himself to be interviewed by these foreign journalists, because i think there is less reverence, less fear of offending a founding father, so they end up having very interesting debates and interviews. LKY is still sharp, way to go. haha.

i like this song:

i promise you i'm always there
when your heart is full of sorrow and despair
and i'll carry you when you need a friend
you'll find my footprints in the sand.

-Footprints in the Sand (Leona Lewis)

hungry

2009-10-18T00:35:00.003+08:00

i am hungry.

i had a really great Saturday today, despite having to stay in for guard duty on Friday night, when all the rest were booking out. i realised that i get really cranky when i'm not allowed to book out, and woe betide the poor soul who dares suan me for that. some lines are not meant to be crossed. which is why i get so pissed when our book out times are messed with. i don't think it's right to change book out timings or use it to threathen people into submission, nor should it be dangled as a carrot to get us to do things faster. booking out is a fundamental right of any NSF who has not done anything to warrant punishment. therefore, it should not be trampled upon or tampered with.

the day sorta started with guard duty, but let's start the day from the time i booked out from camp. a quick cab ride back to bedok interchange with zhi jian, edmund and darren, and we ended up eating this awesome kway chap from the bedok inter hawker centre. i wasn't so crazy about the small or large intestines, (i feel the bishan s-11 one has heavenly small intestines), nor the lack of fishcake and, (more importantly) pig skin in the dish, but the pork belly really won me over. it was tender without being soft and really cooked very skillfully. after which, i went home to good home-cooked porridge and steam fish. i really enjoyed that.

went to church in the afternoon and it was the first time we were gathering in our newly-formed life groups, after multiplying to eight from four. the growth is exciting, and once again i found myself helming a life group. the dynamic was quite different from the last time leading sui generis. admittedly, the pressure of leading a life group has returned, after a half-year sojurn being under derek with O2. will we succeed? will we bond well as a life group? will the people listen to me? how will i be able to earn their respect? these are questions i think really bother me. nevertheless, the first session went really well. with fewer people, there were more opportunities to talk, people felt more comfortable with each other i guess, and there was more personal interaction. these are positive signs, but improvement can surely be made.

after youth i went down to city hall to meet up with boon kai and chin meng. it had been a long time since i met up with the two of them, or any of the council peeps for that matter. trouble was, i was having this terrible headache that made me want to go home after dinner, but thank God it cleared during dinner and we went on to watch 500 Days of Summer. i was really glad i got to watch that show because i really enjoyed the way they told the story. it wasn't the typical chronological narrative style. the whole story was really very well-written and beautifully presented. the plot was nothing to crow about, but it was really the presentation that brought out the beauty of the show. although i cannot relate to the characters, what with the falling in love, breaking up and falling in love again, the way the movie was presented really drew me in and made me want to follow what was happening. contrast this with Surrogates, which i watched on Monday, it was quite a difference, Surrogates just being a normal action thriller with hardly any twists or deviation from the standard thriller-type movie.

have service again tomorrow. i will be usher for tomorrow, so have to get myself ready. am really sleepy due to guard duty.

isn't kelly clarkson just awesome?

crown him, crown him

2009-10-12T00:08:00.002+08:00

had platoon barbeque yesterday at east coast, and i realised it's been such a long time since i've been to a bbq. it was quite an okay event i guess. i suppose it was weird hanging out with people you see day in and day out in camp and being in that wholly relaxed and chill atmosphere, away from the stifling rules and protocol in camp. as much as i dislike my vocation, i do feel blessed to have known these people i suppose, especially my section. it is rare how a bunch of guys can click so well and so easily, and maintain a sense of camaraderie despite coming from vastly different backgrounds and having so varied experiences. so yes, thank you Lord for allowing me to know friends like these, it is truly a blessing to have good friends in the army, the most hostile yet, ironically, friendly of all places. it's where one gets to see the ugliest side of people: backstabbing, yelling, cursing (at mothers, no less), but also where one gets to see the best side of people: caring, helpful, selfless. it's the epitome of all paradoxes, the army. as much as no one wants to go back again, no one can deny the life lessons that it teaches you and it most certainly moulds a teen into the adult man he is about to become.

i can't believe it's now been around 10 months plus since i enlisted. as far i am concerned, it was only yesterday that i enlisted, taking my first step onto Tekong, that storied and mysterious island from which a dozen different horror and humourous tales originate. without really knowing or noticing it, it's now been 10 months and the one-year mark looms on the horizon. i must say i am proud of myself for having made it this far, and thankful to God and the people i've encountered along the way. it's been a journey like no other and really opened my eyes to a whole new world i once knew existed, but never really interacted with. the j2 me was dumbfounded as to how fully rational and intelligent people could smoke or indulge in drink or women. little did i know that i would soon come to make friends with smokers, drinkers, clubbers, even prostitute customers (haha). it's just to easy to jump to conclusions and judge and label people we find difficult to understand. not that i agree with their actions, but they are just about some of the nicest people i've met. good character may not always translate to good habits, but i think it's about assuming the best out of people, keeping and open mind, and never to allow our judgement and our actions to be tinted by the glasses of stereotype we often keep on.

i guess derek was right when he said the most interesting thing about army is the people, and i really do agree with that. if anything, the one positive thing to take out from the whole army experience is the friends and different people that one encounters. while one might find solid friendships being built up over the course of the two years, as is the case with my buddy and other section mates, one also encounters weird, rude, unreasonable and utterly incompetent people. sometimes i think it's great not being in a position of command, then i really get to observe and be at the receiving end of the stick. some people really can't make it, but some people really have a way of influencing and motivating people. so really, it's quite amazing the lessons one can glean from just observing how various people work and conduct themselves.

so enough about my musings about army life. i went to my nephew, Ian's, first birthday party just now. HAPPY BIRTHDAY IAN. now this is really shallow, because i probably only saw ian a grand total of 2 times since he was born. im sorry, i just dont really have this thing for babies, or children for that matter. i know it's suppose to augur well for your love life if a guy is good with children or something like that, but i am just really, really horrible at children. i don't know how to talk to them, make them laugh, entertain them. they just seem to get really bored talking with me. it's sad though, i think i've lost my inner child, or buried it so deep inside of me that i would take a really massive effort to dig him out again. when they asked me to join Royal Rangers (the church's kids' ministry), i was like, "sorry, i'm not good with children, i think i'll stick to youth". seriously, i think people who are good with kids have a special gift from God. it takes a special person with a special gift to really be able to connect with kids and gain their respect and affection. so yes, my area of gifting is certainly not children. they shun me, i try not to step on them, the feeling is mutual.

i shall end of this blog post now. going to watch surrogates tomorrow and i've got 3 months of LG schedule to plan out. yes i love youth ministry!!! recently my passion for youth ministry has been reinvigorated i guess, after months of languishing in the doldrums. seeing what God is doing in the lives of our youths, giving them hope, joy and a reason to live, stirs me up and excites me and is a constant and poignant reminder of why i'm doing all these, allowing myself to be busy, to spend the bulk of my precious weekend in church, having to decline many invitations to outings, etc. it's all worth it, i guess, all awesome, all good.

open up the doors
and let the music play
let the streets resound with singing
songs that bring your hope
songs that bring your joy
dancers who dance upon injustice

and here we see that God you're moving
a time of Jubilee is coming
where young and old return to Jesus
fling wide you heavenly gates
prepare the way of the RISEN LORD!

-Did You Feel the Mountains Tremble (Delirious?)

here i am

2009-10-11T00:23:00.004+08:00

who am i, that the Lord of all the earth
would care to know my name
would care to feel my hurt

who am i, that the Bright and Morning Star
would choose to light the way
for my ever-wandering heart

not because of who i am
but because of what you've done
not because of what i've done
but because of who you are

i am a flower quickly fading
here today and gone tomorrow
a wave tossed in the ocean
a vapour in the wind
still you hear me when i'm calling
Lord you catch me when i'm falling
and you told me who i am
i am yours

who am i, that the eyes that see my sin
would look on me with love
and watch me rise again

who am i, that the voice that calmed the sea
would call out through the rain
and calm the storm in me

whom shall i fear
whom shall i fear
i am yours

***

this alabaster jar
is all i have of worth
i break it at your feet Lord
it's less than you deserve

you're far more beautiful
more precious than the oil
the sum of my desires
and the fullness of my joy

like you spilled your blood
i spill my heart
as an offering to my King

here i am take me
as an offering
here i am giving
every heartbeat for your glory
take me

the time that i have left
is all i have of worth
i lay it at your feet Lord
it's less than you deserve

and though my days are few
and though my time is short
you gave your life for me
so i will give my life for you

worthy, worthy
you are worthy
worthy is the Lord

***

all that i am
all that i have
i lay them down before you oh Lord
all my regrets
all my acclaim
the joy and the pain
i making them yours

Lord i offer my life to you
everything i've been through
use it for your glory
Lord i offer my days to you
lifting my praise to you
as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord i offer you my life

things in the past
things yet unseen
wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
all of my hopes
all of my plans
my heart and my hands
are lifted to you

***

i have never walked on water
felt the waves beneath my feet but
at your word Lord
i receive your
faith to walk on oceans deep

and i remember how you found me
in that very same place
all my failings surely would have drowned me
still you made a way

you are my freedom
Jesus you're the reason
i'm kneeling again at your throne
where would i be without you
here in my life

you have said that
all the heavens sing for joy
at the one who finds the
way to freedom
truth of Jesus
bought from death into His life

and i remember how you saw me
through the eyes of your grace
though the cost was
your beloved for me
still you made a way

***

no kidding

2009-10-10T00:56:00.003+08:00

yay! book out lo!

didn't go home straight after book out, but went to church for Young Adults life group instead. i am really starting to enjoy myself in YA. i guess it wasn't as awkward or weird as i thought it would be, it's all a matter of getting used to it. for once it's great to just sit back, relax, and let someone else lead the discussion for a change, someone else to worry about how the people would respond and someone else to try and get some energy and discussion going. but i think i am thankful that i have a YA group, something more around my age. youth ministry remains my passion, but sometimes there's a need to just receive and be around people your age. i am getting old, am i? but yes, i am happy being 'promoted' to YA and this is hopefully the start of something new.

growing up is always hard to do, but i guess it's a rite of passage, a necessity that one has to go through in life. we can actually choose to remain young, mentally, but that would defeat the purpose of experience. a sure sign that you're growing old is when you come home late without telling your parents and don't get an earful when you return. i guess i am old now. nineteen only lah, but yes, old relatively...

anyhow, i read on Yahoo News that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize for making efforts to bring about peace in the world, through his overtures to the Muslim world in Cairo, and his drive to achieve a nuclear weapons-free world. what is this world coming to? the Nobel Peace Prize committee has officially lost its credibility. why would they give the Peace Prize to someone who has nothing to show for all that rhetoric and fluffy speeches. i'm not won over, seriously. shouldn't the Nobel Prize be awarded to someone who has actually done something for the world, like Muhammad Yunus? what has Obama have to show? surely they could have waited for him to perhaps preside over a summit where nuclear-armed nations pledge to cut down their nuclear arsenal or mediate a two-state agreement between Israel and Palestine, but for making a speech?! it just goes to show that the Nobel committee is filled with a bunch of leftists, Obamamania fans, who would rather credit rhetoric over real work. there are probably a whole lot more people out there who deserve the award more. why am i getting so worked up over this anyway? i really don't know. maybe because i just don't buy into all the Obamamania, which is waning by the way. and, since we're on the topic, when are they going to award the Peace Prize to Oprah? i think she's done more than Obama and perhaps would make an even better President. why not her eh? or maybe even Hu Jintao? for committing China to a 'peaceful rise', and not upsetting the regional balance of power even with China's rise? sheesh.

now that the Battalion Mission is over, looks like life's going to get alot more relaxed in camp. i guess this is good, in that there are going to be less outfields, and field camps, which, i assure anyone reading this, is the worst kind of training to undergo. it might even entail more free time in the bunk and maybe i could finally get down to studying for my BTT. the sergeants are going to ORD very soon, in around 20 days, so it will get a little less entertaining without them around. the new specs are coming in on Monday, so we'll see how it goes. but yes, i am terribly jealous of the sergeants. i so want to ORD soon as well, but we'll all get our time i guess...meanwhile, CSM's english mistakes are getting more spectacular by the day. but i guess there's nothing wrong with speaking poorly as long as people respect you and are willing to work with you. you can be the most foul-mouth person in the world and people might still like you, and consequently want to work with you and submit to your leadership. conversely, you might be the most gentlemanly pesrson in the world and perhaps speak with a slight Queen's English accent but be an absolute idiot, and you would fail as a leader as well. so lesson learnt: in leadership, it's not what you say, but what you do that counts. you can promise the world but only deliver peanuts, it's not going to help with your credibility after all.

i would probably write a longer post, except for the fact it's 1.18am now and i'm completely shagged out from field camp. i seriously don't care that we're now considered operationally ready, i just care about my bed, and my off in lieu on monday.

you don't have to call anymore
i won't pick up the phone
this is the last straw
it won't hurt anymore
and you tell me that you're sorry
but i don't believe you baby like i did before
you're not sorry
-You're Not Sorry (Taylor Swift)

oh yah, found out that Desmond was from Bronco Platoon 4 during BMT as well! also under Warrant Ee! what a small world. oh man, i miss BMT and i miss Warrant Ee.

random thought: Jesus i love you so, so much!

10 days

2009-10-04T17:30:00.002+08:00

10 days is a relatively long period of time, but it can also be a really short period of time, depending on what's coming up after the 10 days. since last wednesday, i haven't been back to camp. no, i'm not going AWOL or anything, it's just that i was hospitalised and ended up with a wonderful 7-day MC starting Friday. so i had an awesome free week-long break from camp. now i really am dreading going back. i was just getting used to civilian life again and the very thought of having to adjust back to camp life is just depressing.

nevertheless, i guess i shouldn't complain. i guess the heat exhaustion was really a blessing in disguise. i had a 10-day break from camp and it was the most awesome feeling ever. now alas, the time is up and i have to return. i think we should really always thank God for everything that happens to us. sure i could have asked Him, why God, did you allow me to have heat exhaustion and then have to be hospitalised and have them give me IV drips? i think maybe God wanted me to have a break. haha. but i feel so much more refreshed after this week's rest, not just physically but also spiritually as well. despite spending most of the time at home, i managed to do publicity for Livewire's 2nd anniversary, which was a video, invite, poster and powerpoint slides. it was quite a feat and i feel great getting back into ministry work. also, this week coincided with alot of exciting things happening in church: the launch of 3 Life Groups in the Young Adults, and the multiplication to 8 Life Groups in Livewire. it feels so exciting that the church is growing and that i have a role to play in it. i guess the army is not only an intellectual but also a spiritual desert, sapping the life out of you. i dread returning, but unfortunately, i must.

shall end the post here, and i know usually i end by putting lyrics of songs that are stuck in my head for that moment, but i can't think of any song now, but this video is just adorable:

earthquake!

2009-10-02T16:22:00.002+08:00

the personal statement is completed! as of 1.18am this morning, i finished my personal statement draft 2! so yay, i'm very happy with that.

today is friday and i am very sad that the week is coming to a close. normally i would be dying for friday to come sooner, but these are not normal times. you see, i've been on a week-long mc starting from last friday, and i have really been enjoying myself at home. i had an epiphany yesterday, well, not strictly an ephiphany, but i'm just saying coz i like the word. and that is that this week is exactly what ORD is going to feel like. the one week of pure slacking bliss after being released from the dreaded blackhole that is the army. i felt really free and unhindered for the first time in i don't know how long. no need to wake up at 5.30 every morning, no need to scan my 11B at the cookhouse, no need to shower in unheated water every day. gosh, tears are almost beginning to well up in my eyes as i ponder the prospect of returning to camp this Sunday. how time flies when you're having fun...

anyhow, i've made a full and good recovery and i'm very thankful for that. no major damage, no problems, don't think i can get a downgrade, but that is secondary. who doesn't want to get a downgrade? i think it's the only time in a singaporean male's life that he's hoping for a downgrade in anything, what with our supposed obsession with the 5Cs and climbing the coporate ladder yada yada...

don't really know what else to be blogging about really. i went to tampines today to get myself a new notebook. i need it for church. i realised i no longer find joy in trawling malls looking for new clothes to wear. yes, i am not a girl. but i was really fun going out with friends and buying stuff with them (notice i try not to use the word 'shopping'). but really, it was shopping, or rather, the very needless and impulsive expenditure of money in order to accquire material goods that serve no significant purpose other than to make oneself look good. surprisingly, the most shopping i've done this year has been with my army friends. (what? a bunch of army jocks hitting marina square trying out zaras, topmans and Club Marcs? what is this world coming to?!) i thought about it, and yes, it was quite gay, but i have a perfectly good reason for it. the reason is, that for 8 saturdays, yes EIGHT, me and my army friends were stuck down at marina bay for the national day parade rehearsals. during our breaks we could only go to places around the area as we only had 3-hour breaks at a stretch. this resulted in our numerous visits to Marina Square and Suntec City, and, being Singaporeans, we inevitably ended up shopping.

ok, enough about shopping. while we here in Singapore are enjoying ourselves, indulging in consumerism, many of our Asean neighbours are reeling from the worst impact of natural disasters this past week. the frequency and intensity of the disasters are nothing short of alarming. typhoons in the Philippines, Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia, earthquakes in Indonesia, with another typhoon set to make landfall on the Philippines tonight. it really is quite distressing reading about the disasters in the newspapers and watching them on TV. not only that, but there have been four major earthquakes in as many days: Samoa (Tues), Sumatra (Wed), Sumatra (Thurs) and Tonga (Fri). it's crazy! (do i hear anyone shouting, Armaggeddon? but really, no use speculating). i should really do something to help i guess. would SAF give me three months off to fly to Padang and help in the rescue effort? i would most gladly go. maybe SAF will call for volunteers to fly over and take part in some Singapore delegation to deliver aid or something like that, i mean, they did that for Meulaboh in 2004. if they do ask for volunteers, i think i would really want to go, although the Parents would almost definitely oppose it. still, it just makes me really want to learn some First Aid skills or something like that so i might make myself useful if i were to take part in such missions in the future. when will the day come when i can work for the Red Cross?

nevermind, tonight there's going to be a Young Adults dinner thingy. i really have no idea what's going to happen, which is quite rare, since most of the time, i'm usually involved in most of the events i attend in church. i think it's going to be quite an unusual experience not leading a group but actually just going and receiving. having been a youth leader for almost 5 years (i think), and now being on the other side, it's going to be a very interesting experience, and i think, a much-needed break from always being in the forefront. i'll just have to get used to having a mentor. haha. so anyway, i'm very excited about what's going to happen in the YAs over the next few years. they're multiplying to 3 Life Groups from 1, with quite a substantial infusion from Livewire. i think many of us will have to get used to a new (older) culture (oh i love the paradox), and different dynamics, but i think it's high time our church had a successful YA ministry and i believe this is the time to get it off on the right foot. so yes, i am approaching this meeting tonight with quite a bit of excitement.

oh and i also want to talk about the Chinese National Day Parade. no i didn't really watch it, but they were showing it on CCTV at the coffeeshop downstairs and all these old people were sitting fascinated by it. i think old chinese people have this attachment to China somehow. the younger generation would be reviled if anyone were to suggest they were PRC, but i think the older generation hold some pride in seeing China rise to international preeminence. i remember my grandparents watching the Beijing Olympics opening ceremony, their eyes transfixed on the screen as they watched the mass displays. it was quite something. i think China is confidently taking its place on the world stage and chinese people all around the world, whether born in China or not, should be proud of it in one way or another. so good for China, but not forgetting that it still has a long way to go. if China is going to be a superpower, does it mean that it's now a good thing to be an ethnic Chinese? will people from other countries look at me and see me according to my nationality and associate me as Singaporean, or will they see me according to my ethnicity and associate me with China? in this day and age, is it a bad thing to be associated with China? i think not. maybe someday Singaporean Chinese from my generation will ultimately be proud to be associated with China when it becomes a cultural trendsetter, much like Japan, or when it softens its communist image and perhaps move towards, dare i suggest, liberal democracy? i don't know, i still rather be seen as Singaporean than Chinese...

random fyi: PSP doesn't play WMA files, it has to log on to the Internet to do something before it can play WMA. i hate converters.

a thousand times i failed
your mercy remains
should i stumble again
i'm caught in your grace
everlasting
your light will shine when all else fails
never ending
your glory goes beyond all fame
and the cry of my heart
is to bring you praise
from the inside out of my soul
-Inside Out (Hillsongs)

personal statement torture

2009-10-02T00:02:00.003+08:00

apparently my posts have been sounding 'forlorn' recently. haha. i like the word 'forlorn', it just has this very nice ring to it.

i have so far spent four whole weekdays at home, but i have not used a single one of them to do my personal statement, so at 12.04am on friday, i shall finally begin on writing my personal statement. the problem is, i have massive writers' block, so i thought, why not get online and blog, just to get the writing gears going again, and the fingers nimble again so i can type without hindrance. the problem is, now i'm sleepy and everybody knows you can't write when you're sleepy, so there.

i guess one thing that's preventing me from really getting down to work on my personal statement is that i really, really hate praising myself. when you have to highlight all the good things about yourself you just feel awkward and undeserving. i feel like maybe sometimes i have to stretch the truth a little bit just to make that personal statement sound a little better, although, come on, everyone does that. perhaps it's because we've become so conditioned, in our Asian way of thinking, to put ourselves down, to see the best in other people and to expose our own flaws through constant self-evaluation, and to learn from other people's good points. maybe we don't do it on a conscious level, but i think we do that on a subconscious level to a certain extent. or maybe it's just that we know ourselves best and that every time we have to write something positive about ourselves we start to think of our hidden flaws, our insecurities, our mess-ups that we start feeling inferior about ourselves, such that we cannot in good conscience write positive things about ourselves without highlighting our negatives as well. it's a viscious cycle, yes it is.

anyhow, i can't believe i spent an entire afternoon trying to make a video for publicity of Livewire's second anniversary. it's not as if this is the first time i'm doing this, it's just that Windows Movie Maker is the worst software ever. it crashes more times that Nelson Piquet Jr, it's almost as if someone is feeding information to Movie Maker over the Internet to crash at the very moment i'm about to save the file. thanks to a constantly crashing Movie Maker, and a ridiculously slow computer, i had to Ctrl+Alt+Delete countless times and to restart the whole computer once. i only finished at around 7pm. Movie Maker will be the death of me.

i had my first international skype conversation yesterday, when i talked to Charissa. it was a pretty weird experience. growing up in a culture where sms and msn were the main modes of communication, talking to someone without actually seeing them reminded me strangely of a phone call, something that i'm not exactly familiar with. the coolest thing was that i could talk to someone half the world away for free! Skype must be the most important thing for global communication since instant messaging was invented. even Oprah uses it, and THAT'S an endorsement. so anyway, talking to Charissa made me so jealous of all the people going to, or who have already gone to, London. because so many people i know are going to the UK to study, it almost seems like the US is no longer an option anymore, it's been relegated to a mere afterthought. looks like i am susceptible to peer pressure after all (everyone's going to UK, might as well join the crowd).

hanging out with the youth leaders just now was a really great experience. it's been ages since i could hang out and talk with them like that. when was the last time? was there even a last time? derek doesn't want me to go to London, i think most of them don't want me to go as well. truth is, i've been thinking about it alot, and i still think i will go. it's just that there are so many interesting things, exciting things coming up in the church over the next few months/years, that i really want to be a part of it. but i feel that i must go, or that i will go, it's but a matter of time. i will have to give this more thought, though, and prayer and fasting.

meanwhile, i shall return to churning out another personal statement. hopefully this one will be a bigger improvement over the first draft.

your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
do you know you're unlike any other
you'll always be my thunder
your eyes are the brightest of all the colours
i don't wanna ever love another
you'll always be my thunder
so bring on the rain
bring on the thunder
-Thunder (Boys Like Girls)

awesome lyrics eh.

add my mum

2009-09-30T16:09:00.002+08:00

yes, i am SOOOOO enjoying this week of rest at home.

Doctor at NUH: we will give you one week MC until Friday, so you just rest at home.
Noah: (JACKPOT)

the good thing about getting an MC like this is that i'm not exactly sick or dying or needing to be connected to a drip. so despite feeling weak and needing alot of rest and water, i actually feel fine and that means that this is really a good time to just chill out and spend some time away from camp. so i've really been enjoying myself chilling out at home, watching tv, playing psp, reading (occasionally). i just managed to peel myself away from playing championship manager on psp for the last 3 and a half hours. i can't believed i spent such a long time playing that dumb game...but i'm particularly proud of having bought Frank Ribery for 5.75m pounds, Fernando Torres for 10m pounds and Javier Saviola on a free transfer! oh and also selling Bolo Zenden and Momo Sissoko for 7.5m pounds and Stephen Warnock for 4.5m pounds. gosh i make a good manager! and not forgetting Torres and Saviola are only coming in next season, but i already won the Premier League this season, so Liverpool can only get better! (getting rid of Kuyt, Crouch and Hyppia during the off-season).

okay, never mind. yesterday i cooked this delicious udon stir-fry for lunch and i am especially proud of it because it was the first time i was doing something other than pasta, and also i totally improvised the recipe. the recipe on the back of the udon packet called for chicken stir-fry, thanks to Bryan, i used bacon, sausage (Rockingham) and bak ting. it's absolutely awesome and i will improve on that recipe when i get the chance to try it again. oh and bak ting definitely goes well with almost everything.

i also completed the publicity for Livewire's second anniversary birthday bash. it's been a long time since i've been involved in a major youth event so it does feel good making myself useful again and doing something important. i've got this brand new concept for the publicity, but we'll talk about it in the meeting this sat. i'm tremendously excited for the birthday bash. i like the idea and the theme and everything that's happening. the only thing that can spoil it for me is if i have to burn the weekend for live firing, following which i will implode.

need to get down to writing the ucas personal statement (yes, charissa, if you're reading this, i haven't got down to editing it yet) it's just that i feel so uninspired to write it. it's not the same as writing a blog post or a gp essay for example. after receiving charissa's comments on my first draft, i realised that yes, my personal statement was uncannily like a gp essay. too bad in jc they teach you how to write an argumentative essay but they never teach you how to promote yourself in a personal statement. makes you think if MOE should start teaching its students skills that they would actually use in life, rather than how to write beautiful argumentative essays that contradict themselves and end up like Straits Times expositions instead.

the F1 race concluded over the weekend and i didn't feel as excited about it as last year. the prevailing thought in my head was: it's one year already?! i still remember thinking how big a coup Singapore scored when the city skyline towered over the F1 cars racing for their lives. it just helped people to sit up and notice Singapore, that, hey! there's a cool, happening vibrant city in Asia and how come we never knew? i think i was more interested in the F1 Rocks event, with Beyonce and the Black Eyed Peas performing. thank goodness they showed it on channel 5, cause i am unfortunately too cheap to get tickets for myself and mosh around in Fort Canning. but it's great that people like Beyonce are coming to town, it helps raise the profile and with news coming out the F1 Rocks next year will be bigger and better, it does raise hoeps that we'll get to see alot more high-profile acts heading to our shores next year. Wishlist: Kelly Clarkson, Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, Justin Timberlake, Eminem (now we're talking!) so anyways, kudos to the F1 organisers for putting up a splendid show (was the race ever about the sport as it was about putting on a performance for the world to see?) and i guess the real winner is Singapore for staging another world-class specatacle yet again.

in other news, my mum has added me on Facebook! i'm in a dilemma now. Add or Reject? gosh, it's so awkward being on Facebook and knowing that your mum will know your latest bejewelled score or your latest status update. oh, spare me this agony.

i will work on ucas personal statement now...

You lived
You died
You rose again on high
You opened the way
For the world to live again
Hallelujah
For all You've done

exhausted

2009-09-25T22:24:00.002+08:00

you know how when you're young you feel indestructible, invincible, like you could do anything? then you run up against a brick wall. i had never thought that i would be hospitalised. after all, i've always been extra careful with my health, with what i do and who knew that one fine day i would collapse from heat exhaustion?

it was a very harrowing experience, to be found lying weak on the ground, supported to a safety rover, brought to the medical centre and given a cold shower, put on an ambulance and sent to the A&E and actually be warded with a drip for one whole day. it was really, quite an experience, not one that i would necessarily want to go through again. thank God that i'm alright, with no major damage to the organs, and the brain, especially.

so who knew that i would actually, at the tender age of 19, have to be wheeled here and there and put on a drip and have my parents buy food for me to send to the hospital. i do feel kind of a loser for being 'weak' and having to actually be hospitalised, it just kills you when you realise that you are human after all, that all that strength and vitality that comes with youth are actually limited. it sucks that nurses descended on me everytime i had to leave the bed to go to the toilet and that i had to trouble someone to follow me everytime i needed to do my business. yes, the care i received at NUH was awesome, and the doctors and nurses were fantastic. although it would be better that i'd not known this in the first place.

we always joke about how nice it would be to downgrade, get some injury, serious enough to downgrade, but not serious enough to affect you, maybe get a super long-term MC so that we can stay at home and not be in camp. however, when it really happened to me i think i sort of regretted it. it's not a nice feeling to be drifting off to sleep shivering and the doctor telling you to 'look at me'. but i'm fine now, and it was quite an experience to stay at a hospital.

thank God that He has been good to me, preserving me even though i was left out there without help for about 20minutes, even though my temperature went up to 38.8deg C, even though i had finished my water. perhaps i could have got it alot worse. my kidneys could have been busted, brain damage, vital organs, etc., but really God was holding me all the way and that i could make such a fast recovery and blog about it is a testimony to how He never leaves us nor forsakes us.

so, now that the hospital experience is over, i don't think i ever want to go back there again, although it was nice to slack for two whole days. it wasn't much of an ordeal, but it was a good rest, a blessing in disguise i guess. now i've got a week's mc, i think i can have more time to blog about other stuff over the next few days.

oh and today i found out two of my secondary school friends are officially in a relationship!! so exciting. haha. all the best to them! wonder when it'll be my turn? not soon i guess...

I found a way to let you in
But i never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like i've been awakened
Every rule i had you breakin'
It's the risk that i'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

comments

2009-09-22T12:46:00.003+08:00

i am beginning to enjoy the day-offs on odd weekdays rather than the usual weekends. unfortunately because i get my off-in-lieus on weekdays rather than weekends, it usually means that no one is free to go out so i end up spending the day alone, which is fine by the way. went to tampines library today to restock on books. i haven't been reading as much since i bought my psp, so i thought before my brain begins to rot, i had better catch up on my reading again. i can't believe i found Plato's Republic, much less believe that i actually took up the courage to borrow it. i think i could list down finishing the Republic as one of my major life accomplishments. let's see how long this urge to read will last.

in other news, a fond farewell to charissa, jinzhi, suzanna and jiening who have left for the uk for university. reading charissa's blog and jinzhi's post on facebook has only made me more jealous and more determined to leave the army than before. i can't wait till it's my turn to blog about how beautiful London is and how eccentric its people are, or to post photos of me boarding a red bus to Trafalgar Square or posing outside Buckingham Palace. oh the dream of living in one of the most storied cities on the planet. before i even get there, there still is the problem of getting enrolled into a London uni first, and therein lies the problem: i'm too lazy to get down to submitting the applications. how i wish LSE would just send a letter inviting me to enrol with them (fat chance). shall work on my personal statement, which apparently needs a 'revamp'. i agree as well, i didn't really put much effort into it, admittedly.

i haven't been in a very good mood recently. molehills seem to become mountains when you're grumpy. thank God He's keeping me in check. wonder how long it will be before all the stupid things in the army start to get to me and i somehow snap at someone. it's been a long time since i've lost my temper. meanwhile, i shall try and keep calm and cool, despite the ridiculous scheduling and attitudes i'm getting in camp. too bad i don't know how to lock my posts (is that even possible for blogger?) so i can go on and on ranting about people in camp without getting into trouble. (damn mindef and its privacy rules, blogger is too public)

i've recently finished The Case for Christ, an awesome book by Lee Strobel, in which he goes around interviewing experts, establishing that Jesus was not only a real historical figure, but also that he was in fact the divine Son of God that he claimed to be. it appealed to me because, for the first time, i was seeing hard evidence that Jesus was indeed who he claimed to be, not just from mere belief. while faith is essential for a relationship with Christ, it sometimes is not a good argument in convincing others of the reason for my beliefs. "just because", or "he just is", are not exactly stellar arguments when telling skeptics about Jesus. we must have a reason for our faith, and i believe that the reason for my faith has been strengthened with reading this book.

i watched the MTV Video Music Awards yesterday and i have to disagree with President Obama that Kanye West is a jackass. he isn't a jackass, he's a downright jerk, and other things which i wouldn't put on my blog. Taylor Swift deserved that award, and even if she didn't, he had no right to go on stage and steal her moment like that. so, the world stands with Taylor Swift at this moment. and speaking of Taylor Swift, i am outright jealous of her. she's 19 years old, that's exactly how old i am, and she is the best-selling artist this year after Michael Jackson. so if MJ didn't die, than Taylor would be the best-selling artist of the year. so while she is moving CDs at record volumes and stealing the hearts of many boys all over the world, i am stuck in Sungei Gedong camp, feeding mosquitoes and digging shellscrapes. what a boost to my ego...

i have to book into camp again tonight. i hate it, yet i must admit that i've grown used to the routine of booking in, of travelling all that distance to the camp. however, getting used to something doesn't mean that i'm enjoying it.

Beautiful Lord, wonderful Saviour
I know for sure, that all of my days are
Held in your hand, crafted into your perfect plan

You gently call me, into your presence
Guiding me by, your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord, to live all my life
Through your eyes

And i'm captured by, your holy calling
Set me apart, i know you're drawing me to yourself
Teach me Lord i pray

i just remembered the existence of this song which i really liked when watching the american idol finale:

fade away

2009-09-13T22:24:00.005+08:00

Yes, it feels good to be let out of that black hole which is Sungei Gedong camp.

Yesterday we had Livewire again. It feels good to be back in the swing of things. I admit I did feel a little detached being away for 2 whole months due to NDP preparation. So now that I’m going back more regularly I do feel like I’m getting back in the ministry and finally starting to make myself useful again. Led worship for the first time yesterday! It was quite a harrowing experience. Thank God for Javan, who was very well-versed with the guitar, and helped to cover up some parts where I sort of screwed up. Nevertheless, I think I did okay, so Noah escapes another trial.

Today I went to Minori with the 3R people. Charissa is finally leaving Singapore next week and I really feel excited for her. When will it be my turn? Haiz.

Okay, since I don’t lead a very exciting life, I shall blog about what’s happening in the news. On Monday I opened the ST and read an article by a certain Jonathan Kwok about Christianity. In it, he talked about the Great Commission that Christians were expect to convert everyone they knew, that he believed that it was more important to love thy neighbor and accept them for who they are rather than try to convert them. What really got alarm bells ringing in my head was when he mentioned that even though he professed to be a Christian, he found ‘nothing wrong’ in dating a non-Christian girl. (I can imagine Ps. Kenny foaming now)

Now in defence of my faith, which dear Mr Kwok subscribes to as well, let’s look at where he’s wrong:

“Christians are expected to convert everyone, but I think we should just love our neighbours as they are”

19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." – Matt 28:19-20.

That is the Great Commission. Yes, we want to see our friends and family come into the faith. But I can’t stand the negative connotations of using the word ‘convert’. Christianity isn’t about forcing or compelling people to believe in Jesus. God doesn’t even need us to worship Him, He could call the stones to worship Him if He really wanted to. There is no grand conspiracy, no great scheme to turn the whole world into Christians. It is a personal choice, it is a relationship between an individual and God. No Christian is going to put a knife at a non-believer’s throat and tell him to say the sinner’s prayer or else. In fact, there are people out there dying for Jesus Christ, they have experienced guns pointed at them, people demanding that they renounce Christ.Who's doing the forcing now? Having said that, the writer seems to be practicing a selective faith, he embraces the Great Commandment to love thy neighbour, but seems to ignore the Great Commission. There is no middle ground in Christ. There is black and there is white. As a Christian, we cannot say we believe in this part of the Bible but disagree with another part. That is contradicting and ultimately undermines our faith.

“I see nothing wrong in dating or marrying a non-Christian girl”

oh I see a lot of wrong in that. “ 14Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” – 2 Cor 6:14

it’s plain for all to see. Paul tells us not to be yoked (joined, linked) to unbelievers. It is a simple religious and practical principle that Christians in most churches are expected to follow. If Jonathan does indeed fall in love with a non-Christian girl and marries her, that is certainly within his legal freedom to do so. However, it is practically difficult for a Christian to continue in his faith if he is in a relationship with a non-believer, since they share different values and commitments. How will he prioritise his time? Dates first or ministry first? How about when they get married? Will she be happy about him giving 10% of his income to the church if they really need it for that fabulous beach vacation? The point is simple: two people who share such different values will not be able to develop and sustain a healthy, fruitful relationship. Hence, it will be better that a Christian finds another Christian as his partner, since they have the same values and priorities. This is something I feel strongly about. Again, we are seeing selective faith here.

I can’t stand the anti-Christian rhetoric that is coming out from the newspapers recently. Since the PM talked about religious harmony in his NDP Rally Speech, the media has deemed fit to release a slew of articles about Christians imposing their values on others and challenging some key tenets of the faith, sometimes even using Biblical verses to question if Christians are veering away from what they believe. I hope someone says something about this. It is a subtle form of propaganda, how does SPH expect me to trust their publications?

In other news, I was really sad to read about the two boys who jumped to their deaths because one of them apparently managed to convince the other that they had to kill themselves to go to hell and become slayers to save the world from demons. I mean, the very thought that by dying they could save the world is preposterous to begin with, but it shows how vulnerable young minds are. As a youth leader, I’d feel devastated if any of my youth were to die, more so if they do so in such a fashion. I feel sad that they chose to dabble in such practices, and I feel a great sense of pity that two lives were extinguished in such an unworthy fashion so prematurely.

Got a medical appointment at CMPB early tomorrow, so I think I will sleep early tonight (at least, not at 1 or 2am)

this alabaster jar
is all i have of worth
i break it at your feet Lord
it's less than you deserve
you're far more beautiful
more precious than the oil
the sum of my desires
and the fullness of my joy

psp

2009-09-05T01:28:00.002+08:00

i'm now officially a psp owner. yes, i went down to far east plaza today after army open house with Terry, my good buddy, and found a really "cheap" PSP for $230, including the package and the colour change, i got my psp at a final price of $285, which was quite a good deal, after asking around a few places. terry got his, second-hand, for $375, so i guess i got a pretty good deal...having said that, i can't believe i just splashed more than $200 on a game console. maybe it's peer pressure, since everyone in camp seems to have one and has been playing it non-stop, maybe it's a subconcious urge to splurge on something new and fascinating, maybe it's a fear of boredom, hence a need arises to obtain a device that will help me to kill time. whatever it is, it has been the most expensive thing i've ever bought with my own money, so i intend to cherish it and keep it well. hopefully it'll last me a long, long time.

downloading games is not fun at all, they take such a long time and i really don't know if they're going to cause any virus to enter the computer, so it's rather distressing. nevertheless, i hope that the files are able to download, without any harm to the computer, and i can start playing soon. still can't believe i just decided to buy a psp...

anyhow, yesterday was mummy's birthday, so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY! got her a cup and a month's supply of tea...hmmm, hope she likes it. i did feel bad spending $285 on myself on her birthday, but given the eccentric schedule of an army boy, there are only certain periods of time when he can do certain stuff, so i had to get it today. we went to swensen's, and i realised it's been a long time since i went to swensen's. the food there is awesome, really, and brownies are oh so good. i shall post the pictures when i bother to upload them from the camera.

finally, i shall comment on the airport. we went to the swensen's at the airport, which brought back many many memories of countless hours spent cramming notes into my head for both O and A Levels. i remember studying there overnight once at the Burger King, and the many funny jokes we shared over the Macdonald's table. i also remember the lunches at the staff canteen and getting chased out by the Popeye's people. hahaha. what awesome times. looks like i'll never study at the airport again, since i will be heading out to London (hopefully). so it will remain a part of my history, consigned to mere memory, playing like a film without sound. the thing about memories that so frustrate me is that they fade over time, or they get distorted, mixed up with imagination and a healthy dose of forgetfulness, such that the essence of the experience is lost and what is left is an image or impression of what exactly happened. what had passed has gone forever, is lost and is no longer coming back. yet we still strive to forge new memories, with different people, and continue to consign them to the back of our heads, despite the full knowledge that we are going to forget, the images will become fuzzy and the jokes won't be as funny and the conversations and emotions are all but conjured up in our minds. i hate that.

yay, 50 minutes to the end of download.

there's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high
to satisfy me
coz the more that i'm
trippin' out thinking there must be more to life
coz that's life
and i'm sure
there's gotta be more

noah blasts lee wei ling

2009-08-30T17:19:00.003+08:00

once again, another member of the older generation finds it fit to write an article criticising 'Gen Y' for not being able to endure hardship and worrying about what Singapore will be like, ruled by a whole generation of softies who 'take the luxuries of life for granted'. yes, this article by Lee Wei Ling in the Sunday Times pissed me off, allow me to indulge in a little rant:

firstly, i'm plain sick of older people lamenting the lack of hardship that our generation faces. it is a matter of fact, but let us not forget that this should be something to be celebrated, not lamented. why did our forefathers, who were the generation that endured hardship, work so hard in the first place? so that their children would not need to suffer the same fate as them. in that sense, their wish has come true, and we are the chief beneficiaries of their hard labour. now i submit to Ms Lee, and the many others who concur with her: have we done anything wrong? were we the ones who wished happiness, prosperity and progress on ourselves? certainly not! yet, does not one sense the irony of the issue? the older generation works hard, pampers their kids, and then blasts them as softies. what's a Gen Y-er to do?

secondly, Lee Wei Ling is hardly the best person to talk about hardship. the example of hardship in the article was of her living overseas, and she provided anectdotes of how she travelled a long distance to Chinatown to get cheap food and how she never ate out unless invited to do so, all to save money. i think many Singaporean overseas students, even from this generation can identify with what she wrote. so i think it's a poor example if you're using it to contrast hardships faced by the older generation and the younger. as a matter of fact, many in her generation would even be happy to get past secondary school, much less study overseas.

so i felt it was a very unnecesary article, and a poor critque of the younger generation. it barely even showed hardship. if anything, it showed that Lee Wei Ling was a humble, unassuming lady who refused to tap into her the privilege and status of her family to achieve her ambitions. so enough about how young people can't endure hardships. while we don't know what it's like to live in poverty, we are by no means immune from financial problems if our parents lose their jobs. young people nowadays live in a society that is an emotional and psychological minefield. divorce rates are edging higher, and the chief victims are the children, with greater access to technology, young people are exposed to porn, violence and addiction like never before. when parents join the rat race and make big bucks, children are left emotionally unattended to and many turn to destructive behaviour like self-mutilation, pre-marital sex, etc. so stop with the 'young people are so lucky nowadays' and stop assuming that this generation has no problems or no worries just because we are richer. it reflects an outdated thinking that with money all problems can be solved. no, with money comes new problems. the older generation need to see that in a different era, in a different society, there are different struggles and challenges and people will either overcome or succumb to them. don't tell the child who is raised by his maid and hardly gets to see his parents that he doesn't face any difficulties, or the girl who had to get an abortion because she engaged in underaged sex with her older boyfriend she has it lucky. i am genuinely offended by comments that we don't face hardships. we do, just not the same kind as before.

in other news, i found out that my mental faculty for mathematics has diminished to the point of no return. i bravely offered to help boon teck with his J1 maths after service today, after he told me about getting poor results in his recent tests, and i was dumbfounded at the questions. yes, i still vaguely remember how to do the questions, but vaguely remembering your maths doesn't give you an A in A Levels nor does it help you to help your friend who is struggling with his H2 maths. so i was quite shocked at how much i have degenerated since november, when i took the exams. it's been 10 months and really, i can't believe such a long time has passed. i now worry about the SATs. i think i can still do the questions if i start mugging again. maybe i've just turned lazy, lazy to use my brain.

after church i went to parkway to do some shopping for my mother's birthday. it's been awhile since i've bought something nice for her, so i thought i would spend a little bit. i wanted to get aromatherapy candles and stuff but i the shop creeped me out a little, so i decided to do the thoughtful and practical thing and buy tea and a mug for the office. not as decadent, but definitely more practical.

going back to camp soon. friends make army life more bearable, and it's too early to say if the friends you make will become lifelong friends, like those in secondary school. however, the people one meets and interacts with in the army will no doubt form lifelong memories that would put a smile on the face as one recalls the antics and pranks played, the jokes made and the arguments had. so as i trudge back to Sungei Gedong camp, i continue my quest to stay alive to blog another week. haha!

a song about growing up, it's beautiful:

So why don't you meet me
Down behind the old school
We'll waste away the weekend
With perfect regard for how
Cavalier we used to be
That beautiful insanity
The apathy's surrounding me
Don't close your eyes or we'll fade away...

not emoing

2009-08-29T22:43:00.002+08:00

no, i'm not emo-ing. or maybe i'm in denial? hahaha. who knows?

anyhow, i'm just glad to be back in civilian land after a whole week of army. we had combat team proficiency test this week. thank God that platoon 1 was only chosen to do it on monday only, and we were back by nighttime. this was in contrast to platoon 2 and 3, who had to stay overnight and it was raining quite badly every single night, so one could imagine how miserable they must have felt. alas, in the army, good fortune comes at a price. and in turn for being able to not go outfield and stay in the company line, we had to do lots and lots and lots of cleaning. we cleaned our own rifles, then machine guns, then coaxes, then 40-50s...and they expected the arms to be 100% clean, so imagine how long we took to clean them. then on thursday and friday we did area cleaning: toilets, bunks, corridors, stairwells, drains, sidewalks, roads, cracks in roads...we were scrubbing, digging, sweeping and weeding till we were really quite insane. to cap off a very tiring week, there was guard duty on friday.

this guard duty was rather fine. i suppose as one does it more often, one just becomes numb to the dumbness of it all. we had a great guard comm in platoon sergeant jonathan, and also i did prowling with Terry, my good friend and buddy, and we got to talk alot as we prowled, good conversations i would say. i booked out this morning, had breakfast with Terry and went home, was home for about an hour, had lunch, rushed off to ang mo kio to visit mr chan with my 3R classmates, left mr chan's house, took a cab down to east coast, played games with the youth, changed, went for dinner, and went home.

the regular reader of my blog (if such a species indeed exists) would notice that this is not my usual style of blogging. i don't usually list down all i do in a day in chronological order. i find this insincere and quite pointless in fact. however, my mind is in a daze now. the point i'm trying to bring across now is that: i am damn shag. yup, i had an overnight guard duty, followed by long-distance travelling to amk, followed by high-energy beach games with a bunch of youth. there's nothing much left in my tank right now.

nevertheless, i strive to put some quality in my blog posts and i shall do some reflection on the day's activities. on the visit to mr chan's house, it was nice to see many of my 3R mates once again. we'd moved on from the last time i saw many of them, which was essentially A Level results day. so yes, it was nice to catch up. however, the point of the outing was to visit mr chan, our Civics Tutor, who succumbed to an attack of fits earlier in the year and is currently on long-term mc. he was very nice, showing us his humble abode, which was very neat and well-maintained. we found out more about his illness and that he was on the road to recovery, and also, they were expecting a baby girl in october, so some life in their house soon. i found out that he's a liverpool fan and that he didn't have a TV for the first few years of his marriage because they felt that they needed to spend more time interacting with each other. quite interesting, really. however, it was indeed a little sad to see mr chan slightly weaker than before, speaking haltingly, and thinner than when i last saw him. he is getting better, and our thoughts and prayers continue to be with him.

today Livewire had Wacky World Extreme, a massive beach-games event. it was more like war games where we had our own forts and flags and had missions to fulfill. it was slightly army-like and i discovered i had quite a competitive streak. running around on the beach is not something one should do when he has a knee injury, yet i still went ahead. big mistake. now my feet hurt, and i am extremely tired.

i really like this song:

when you're gone
the pieces of my heart are missing you
when you're gone
the face i came to know is missing too
when you're gone
the words i need to hear will always get me through the day
and make it ok
i miss you

secret valentine

2009-08-22T23:12:00.002+08:00

i feel frustrated. i have so many things that i want to say, yet i find nobody to talk to. it's a sad, sad situation, surrounded by people, yet being unable to tell them anything. ok, this sounds emo, but it really isn't. it's just that i don't think many people would be interested in hearing about my observations about many things happening around me. not that i'm sad or emo or anything, so it's not like i need someone to confide in, just someone to take in all my inane monologues. that's probably why i like blogging, coz i just write stuff down and not care about dialogue or conversations. maybe i'm anti-social that way.

i haven't been blogging about church recently, so i think i'll devote a post to it:

went for Livewire today. it's been so long since i've been going, now it's my second consecutive week in like, 8 weeks! i do feel that perhaps i've lost touch with what was going on, having been away for so long. i've also sort of lost touch with 'leading' life group discussions, etc. i don't know, maybe i don't feel the same way as before. being with the youth for so long, what seven years now? and being a leader for 5 of them, it's been a pretty long time. and it constantly excites and engages me. new issues pop up, new programmes are planned, new activities are executed...i enjoy youth ministry, it's given me so much joy all these years. and i can't believe i've been in this ministry for 5 years already. (granted, most of my peers have been around even longer) no doubt, being a youth leader has given me its fair share of grief as well: arguing with parents when i become 'overcommitted', having to give up class outings, etc. due to youth meetings, seeing young people stop going to church, the list goes on. yet, for every heartache, there is joy in serving God and seeing this youth ministry grow. it's never easy to be a youth leader, it entails sacrifice, in time, in relationships, in studies...your priorities are re-ordered, and much is expected of you when little is given. really, it is God who sustains a youth leader as he juggles schoolwork, family, friends and me time with his involvement in the ministry, as much as it is the joy in seeing your hard work pay off.

perhaps the hardest thing these past five years was really having to set a good example for the rest of the youth. as i said, much is expected. 1 Tim 4:12 - "don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." it's a principle that i've tried to live by ever since i first heard it at Christchurch Secondary's student council investiture. setting a good example is by no means easy, and i cannot profess to having done an excellent job. nevertheless i must say that i have tried hard to do so. why, when people were scolding vulgarities, rebelling against their parents, getting tatoos, getting drunk, making out with strangers, getting addicted to games (and the list goes on), was i choosing to go to church, abstain from alcohol, obeying my parents, etc.? i've thought about it recently, seeing so many 'wayward' cases, especially in the army. as i hurtle towards 20, i look back at my teenage years and realise it has been uneventful in the conventional sense: no puppy love relationships, no heart-wrenching breakups, no massive fights with parents, no hanging out late and doing stupid things with friends, no jio-ing girls, nothing to mark what a 'normal' adolescent life would be like. have i been missing out on what it means to be a teen? not exploring new things, not pushing any boundaries?

i suppose really the reason is Jesus. He's kept me on the straight and narrow. no, it isn't the most fun, but it's the most satisfying, the most fulfilling. i thank God that He saw me and decided to give me a chance to serve Him. i thank Him for the many opportunities He extended to me to do at least something for His Kingdom. i thank Him for the friends that He gave me, who encouraged me, who never led me astray. i thank Him for the at-times strict parents, who never wavered from their godly principles in raising me. as i think back, perhaps i don't have a wealth of experiences, but i have a treasure trove of spiritual growth, that which moth and rust do not destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. maybe if i had not know Jesus i would have lived my life differently?

it's all about Jesus, isn't it? it's because of Him that i've got myself into good, reputable schools and scored excellent results in the various major exams. it's because of Him that i've won the awards and accolades i have, culminating in the award of the scholarship. it's because of Him that i've made the friends i have and accumulated the experiences i have. it's because of Him that i've overcome the many difficulties i've faced, and even more so because of Him that the difficulties i've faced pale in comparison to those many of my friends and peers are facing or have faced in my life.

i feel i've moved on in terms of my thinking, and also my spiritual walk with Christ. gone is the blind enthusiasm and energy when i used to go for youth or service. it's made way for a more mellow, yet sustainable faith and relationship. when i used to hit the highs, i used to sink to many lows. now the sine curve is not as steep as before, and there is a continuity and a consistency in my walk with God. have i given up passion, enthusiasm and energy for a more stable, stronger and mellow faith? is this a good transformation? this remains to be seen. not that i love Jesus less, in fact, maybe i know Him more.

it's one of those things that perhaps there are no answers to. i'm no longer the same person that i was 4, 5 years ago when i stepped into my first conference and was awe-struck at the scale and enthusiam of the people praying there. the go-getter attitude has given way to the slug-behind-the-scenes hard work in ministry. perhaps there needs to be a greater balance of both. now i know that serving God is as much passion and desire as it is hard work and diligence. neither can sustain a relationship on its own, and must work in tandem with the other. i believed i've moved on, the environment i'm in has changed, the people i'm with have changed, the challenges i face have changed, the priorities i order have changed as well. i have new goals, new ambitions, new desires, new mindsets and new perspectives. but isn't it wonderful that God is the same, yesterday, today and forever? He will never change.

secret valentine
we'll write a song
that turns out the lights
when both boy and girl
start suddenly shaking inside

don't waste your time
speed up your breathing
just close your eyes
we'll hope it's not for nothing at all

UP

2009-08-17T16:37:00.003+08:00

just watched what i would stick my neck out and say is the best movie of the year. well, since everyone is entitled to his opinion, i will defend my stand that states Up is the best movie of the year. this is no small boast. i've watched most of the blockbuster movies that came out this year: Transformers, GI Joe, Slumdog Millionaire, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, I Love You Man, Valkyrie, and many more perhaps, and i really did enjoy Up more than almost all the aforementioned movies. ok, maybe it draws with Slumdog, but i did enjoy this more because it was more lighthearted. the crux of the matter was the brilliant story and storytelling. i loved all the themes in Up, and i loved the realness of the characters, their motivations that drove them to do what they did.

there was the old man, Mr Fredericksen, who found his soulmate and they grew old together. they adored this adventurer Charles Muntz, who flew to South America to find a rare bird. sadly, Mrs. Fredericksen died before they could achieve thier dream of going to South America together to Paradise Falls. Mr Fredericksen (who from now on will be referred to as Mr. F), frustrated with life without his lover, and wanting to escape from social workers who wanted to put him in a retirement home, where he will be separated from his house that contained all the lovely memories with his wife, decided to tie hundereds of balloons to his fireplace and fly away to Paradise Falls and fulfill his wife's longtime wish to live at Paradise Falls. little did he know that Russell, an overeager Wilderness Explorer was in his house when it flew away, leaving him with no choice but to travel with the usually annoying kid. what ensues is a quest to take the house to the Paradise Falls, along the way, they encounter the rare bird Muntz was looking for, nicknamed Kevin, and they try to escape from Muntz and his devillish dogs hunting down Kevin.

the movie was beautiful, visually, more more so for its spectacular script. it's such a simple story yet it managed to weave in many themes recurring in modern society. first there was Russell. the movie alluded to his broken family, a divorced father whom he admired but was no longer in his life. there was also his single-hearted desire to achieve the Senior Explorer rank because he hoped his father would pin on the badge for him. there was Charles Muntz, driven by the thirst for fame and recognition, the need to reclaim his legacy and legitimacy as a world-class explorer, and the lengths he would go to achieve his dream. but most touching was Mr F. the whole adventure of tying balloons to the house and travelling to Paradise Falls was motivated by his love for his wife, Ellie. i loved how he kept everything in his house as it was when Ellie died to honour her memory, how he looked at Ellie's Adventure Book, a scrapbook of her ambition to go to Paradise Falls, how he struggled to save all the mementoes of him and Ellie when the house ran into a stormcloud and threathened to wreck his home. but the most touching scene really was when he flipped the book to the last few pages where Ellie put photos of her life with Mr. F, and the last, parting note, she wrote to him: Thanks for the adventure Carl, now go find your own. that was lovely. it gave him the ability to let go of the past and embrace a new life for himself. the defining moment was when he threw out all the furniture that symbolised his life with Ellie to lighten the house to save Russell when he got into trouble.

i don't know why i'm gushing about this movie so much, but i really, really appreciated it. a good movie like this comes by only once in awhile, and kudos to Pixar for consistently churning out excellent stories accompanied by beautiful visuals. as Transformers and GI Joe can attest to, mind-blowing computer effects don't always translate to awesome, mind-blowing movies. and i loved this movie because the themes are so real and believable in this life. of course, nobody could tie helium balloons and airlift a house, but i loved how they explored the theme of lifelong love, of ambitions, dreams and lifelong goals, of cherised memories and of letting go when you need to. it is a work of art. i think Up should be made into a storybook and studied by Lit students.

ok, enough gushing about Up, i've got to say something about the National Day Rally speech. i like that the PM touched about race and religion, but i dislike the implications that race and religion are dangerous for society. i think our diversity should be celebrated, not averted. the media must be taken to task for playing this up. "Twin threats of race and religion", "PM warns of religious fault lines", were the headlines on the Straits Times, "Religion threatens stability: PM", from channelnewsasia.com. i am honestly taken aback by religion-bashing by the media. now if they were talking about terrorism or economic inequality then maybe it would be more appropriate but to say religion threatens stability is an insult to religious people and the great institutions of church, mosque and temple. certainly that was not the PM's intended message. ST and Mediacorp should apologise for putting up such sensational headlines. religion, if exploited, if unable to co-exist with others, if arrogant and pushy, will doubtless threaten stability, but to suggest religion per se, without any caveats or qualifying statements, threatens stability is to imply that society will be better off without religion or religious people. this is in fact, the message i'm inferring from the PM's speech itself. but that is a lie, and the PM himself noted that religion is good.

atheists and agnostics would rub their hands with glee reading such headlines, but the fact of the matter is, without religious organisations, where would great schools like ACS, RI, Catholic High, SJI and St Andrew's be? would there even be a LaSalle? it was the drive to evangelise, to bring the gospel to the world that formed part of the motivation of the Europeans to fan out all over the world, bringing new technology, democratic ideals and systems of government to the rest of the world. without religious organisations, would we have Ren Ci hospital, Jamiyah Children's Home, Teen Challenge and other charitable organisations? without religion, what will our moral standards be based on? how will we be able to justify laws like Section 377A, or even the entire Penal Code for that matter?

the warning flag raised by the PM that religion is a major fault line in society is accurate and timely, but the senstationalism of the media is downright disgusting. also, the basic question has not been addressed. while more people are becoming religious, and religious activities are increasing, the government insists that the political and civil landscape remain secular. the question then is, how can religious people be elected into high office or be appointed to corporate boards while remaining strictly secular? how secular can such institutions be if people who are no doubt influenced by religion are running them? hence, secularism no longer forms a clear distinction with religion, rather it is the concept that despite our differing religious beliefs, we take a stand that will benefit the majority of people, regardless of thier beliefs. this was alluded to by Dr Thio Li-Ann, a Singapore brand of secularism, where religious organisations are expected to take a stand on issues, and religious considerations must be taken into account when making decisions. it is by no means the same secularism practised by European countries, more like those practised by Indonesia and Turkey, and to a lesser extenet, the United States. it means that in enacting laws, the government representatives consider religious sensitivities. this is happening in the US, where despite strong support for gay rights, there is still a conservative vein running through the halls of government that respects the sensitivities of the Evangelicals. this is different from France, where the government has banned all religious symbols from schools, including the crucifix and the tudung, where the President has come on record to say the burqa is not welcome in French society, on the basis of secularism. this brand of secularism is exclusive and extreme and should not be adopted in Singapore. in all decisions, religious sensitivities must be paid attention to. it must not be a handicap to be religious, rather a religious person must be respected for standing on his or her beliefs. which is why i thought the Aware 'new guard' must be saluted for choosing to stand on principles, although their approach to standing on those principles was wrong.

while this is starting to sound like a GP essay (oh how i miss those), i'm writing it down because i feel strongly about the attitude society seems to be developing to religion, and the alarm i'm experiencing when i read those headlines. we must never cast religion in a bad light, we must always seek to understand, and if not possible, to tolerate the differences. we must never cast religion in an ancient mould or see it as an unscientific, and by extension, unimportant branch of culture. it should never be viewed as a menace, an annoyance, or unnecessary. it should be supported, encouraged, studied and understood. only then can people accept that religion is a necessary tenet of society, an important foundation upon which society must be built upon. after all, the communist regimes of the Soviet Union and North Korea and even China (China still has a strong Buddhist and Confucian following) were strongly atheist, and look where they are now.

it may be boring, but it's the boring times that i remember the most.
Russell, from Up

keeps thinking

2009-08-17T09:33:00.003+08:00

i am confused.
i think, yet i get no answer, no conclusion.
i hate this feeling.

shopping is shag

2009-08-16T16:18:00.002+08:00

i know what they say about shopping being Singapore's national sport. i fully concur with this one. i was at the marina area today and there were the athletes decked out in their Levi's jeans and topman tees raiding the shops of Suntec City to Marina Square. yes, this is a national obsession. Singaporeans love their weekend shopping marathons. (we probably burn more calories shopping than any other sport) and it really is a sport because it is the most shag thing ever to do. strolling in an air-con complex fingering new clothes and trying them on may not seem like the most tiring thing to do on a lazy sunday afternoon, but the after-effect of doing all that is the most tiring feeling one can ever get, possibly more tiring than SOC (ok maybe not, but maybe, just maybe)

what i was doing in the marina area this sunday instead of being in church was because of the army half marathon cum singapore bay run. i didn't run. i have a knee injury, which prevented me from running. so i spent the whole morning taking care of bags, which was a terrible way to spend a sunday morning. i do wish i did run, though. the atmosphere was carnival-like, with many army guys, as well as civilians showing up bright and early to just enjoy themselves with a nice run in the cool morning. i think Singaporeans love such mass sporting activities. one only needs to look at the sporting calender to see how many mass runs/marathons/trialathons and whatever-thons there are. just last week there was the Semakau run, then a few weeks ago, the Shape run, now we half the singapore bay run and of course, the StanChart marathon, the adidas sundown marathon, the new paper big walk...and the list goes on. what's up with our obsession with such mass runs? i think it's a manifestation of our obsession with shopping. many people in one location, using their legs to bring them to a destination. when one comes to think of it, are shopping and running much different? in terms of the number of people involved, what they are doing and the entire dynamics of the activities, not so. hence i conclude that Singaporeans essentially like anything to do with walking and crowds.

the result of the shopping escapade was a new tee-shirt from Springfield. they had it on sale. it's been awhile since i last bought a tee-shirt for myself (oh who am i kidding?), so i thought i would just indulge myself one tee-shirt. it has a very nice design of a street, so i decided to buy it. all this does not augur well for my bank account, however, which is suffering from the stresses of spending. unfortunately, the next payday is not in a week, so i shall just have to find a way to survive until then. money leaves easily, unfortunately. i am considering teaching tuition to supplement my income (or fuel my spending?), however, weekends are precious...

i've finished two books: The Post-American World by Fareed Zakaria, and Life On the Edge by Dr. James Dobson. the first is about 'the rise of the rest', i.e. China, India, Brazil, etc. and how America should adjust to fit into this new world. it made for a very interesting read, coming from none other than Fareed Zakaria himself. the second, Life on the Edge, is a most enlightening book about choices for the next generation. in the book, he dispenses advice on how to make the right choices for the future, and i think it is a must-read for any Christian young person wanting to make the right decisions about relationships, family issues, work, money and education, among others. it's a very comprehensive book and i would like to buy it.

i shall end this blog. i am very tired now. zzZZzz.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

national day reflections

2009-08-11T16:44:00.004+08:00

i finally managed to watch the national day parade, thanks to this amazing little device called the Hubstation, which miraculously records shows down and stores it for viewing at a later time. thanks to Hubstation, i was able to watch the entire season of American Idol, as well as other nice movies, despite having to be away from home (and by inference, the TV set) while they were playing on TV. but i digress, i really wanted to blog about the national day parade, so here goes:

firstly, i shall focus on the show itself. i know i've been commenting (or rather, complaining) alot about my involvement as a traffic marshaller. the long hours, the blazing sun, the rude commuters...but i digress yet again. i would like to say that i really enjoyed the parade this year. i found it refreshing, exciting, dripping with youthful exuberance, yet faithful to the traditions and heritage of Singapore. i did indeed feel an unexplainable sense of pride seeing the 27000-strong audience waving their flags, and seeing the contingent marching in. i like that they really thought of the audience this time, moving the stage nearer to the stands and coming up with the anti-terror drills. it was different and definitely an excellent show staged. whilst many of the previous NDPs went to town with massive pyrotechnic displays, elaborate displays, they never really seemed to touch a chord with the audience. i must admit i did feel that there was something different, something heartrending in this year's parade. perhaps it was the Pledge Moment, perhaps it was the video of the boy who wanted to grow up to be the President, or the musings of the residents of Singapore's last kampung about how much the country has changed, or the pole dancers, or the thousands of heart-shaped lights forming a glittering mosaic on the floating platform. it was indeed a special day for all Singaporeans i suppose...

now that national day is over, army life will return more or less to normalcy. normalcy in the army does not necessarily imply a good thing. normalcy can mean mundaneness, inaneness, idiocy, and the like. however it may also imply stability, structure and safety. it's hard to tell.

i've been enjoying myself the past few days. on saturday, i attended tracy's wedding. it was a beautiful affair, a buffet dinner by the poolside. the atmosphere was buzzing, the theme and decor was indian cum national day and the guests were plentiful and happy. it was a wedding quite unlike any other that i've attended. for a start, instead of abalone and shark's fin, we had masala, dhaal and sambal fish. it was great, great spicy indian cooking. i thoroughly loved it. then, there were no lame blindfold games where the bride had to guess who her husband was by touching the leg hair of the four or five men unlucky enough to have to show their naked legs to the whole room, instead, there were two speeches, by the brothers of the bride and groom, talking about how they were going to miss their siblings and giving them their best wishes for the future. Derek made a great speech, it was emotional, but sincere, and he nearly stole the show i suppose. what made it even more special was the dancefloor at the end of the dinner. there was bhangra music blasting and lots of enthusiatic indian people in colourful saris and suits dancing away to the thumping and infectious bollywood music. it was utterly interesting to watch. i suppose i went away with a greater understanding and appreciation of indian culture. maybe, with all this talk of racial harmony going around, getting youth to attend weddings of other races may actually make them more appreciative of other ethnic cultures.

i went out with the RJ people yesterday. we went to this restaurant with quaint french decor and cute waitresses with japanese accents. it was quite an interesting fusion concept. the place was Ma Maison, in Bugis Junction. i had this steak set, and it was one of the best steaks i've eaten in quite a long time. it was tender, but more importantly, it was flavourful. the sauce was savoury and i really enjoyed the potatoes that accompanied the steak, they were crispy and extremely delicious. it also came with a choice of rice or bread. i had rice, and it was fluffy japanese rice that was served, which went well with the beef, so it was quite a nice lunch. also, i got to catch up with some of my RJ friends, some of whom i probably haven't seen since A Level results day. or mayble later, i can't remember. but at least i got to see them and get to know how everyone is doing. afterwards we went to visit Yvonne at Raffles Hospital. she was down with pneumonia, but is on the upswing and she'll be fine soon i guess.

after Bugis, i rushed down to sengkang to what i thought was a life group outing, but almost the whole Livewire turned up, and it was a pleasant surprise. i realised that it'd been quite awhile since i hung out together with them like this. it was nice to see so many people turning up for the outing, and we flew kites, played soccer, frisbee and captain's ball in this huge field in sengkang. the kite-flying was an epic failure though, as we didn't manage to get our kites flying. but i think the most important thing was that everyone was having fun and we got to hang out together on a holiday. so it was quite good.

here are some of the photos:

see the moon and the stars,
look how far we have come.
look around at our faces
they shine brightly in the sun
with our hopes and dreams
imagine what tomorrow it may bring
what do you see?

what do you see?

2009-08-07T23:05:00.003+08:00

it's been a pretty short week in the army, just two days, thanks to the off in lieus. the past two days have essentially involved rotting away in the bunk. thanks to my wonderful one month excused running, marching and jumping, i'm virtually excused from physical training, which was the only thing on the schedule the past two days. today we had a 3 Div national day observance ceremony a the floating platform. what made me quite unhappy was having to wait for 2 and a half hours for the ceremony to start. maybe it's because i've been brought up in a country where everything starts on time, everything runs like clockwork. so it definitely is frustrating when things don't start on time, when alot of time is wasted waiting and just waiting.

one thing that really impressed me, and this may sound like i'm sucking up, but do take note that i don't have to suck up, was the speech by the Div Commander, a one-star general Tan. he gave quite a heartening speech, about why we were defending the country, about blah blah, but i didn't fall for the rhetoric. what was really impressive was the way he delivered the speech, refreshingly unlike usual speeches where the guests-of-honour would merely read from a pre-preared script, showing no emotion, nor any attempt even to vary their tone to perhaps make the speech more palatable to the listener. his voice and tone betrayed a hint of Lee Hsien Loong, giving the air of someone the PAP searches high and low for. co-incidentally, the newspapers today reported that PM Lee is still searching for a successor. General Tan anyone? hahaha.

national day is coming and i suppose the long weekend is foremost on people's minds. i suppose what Gen Tan said about National Day being our holiday was quite true. millions around the world celebrate Chinese New Year, Hari Raya, Deepavali, Christmas...but only 4 million people celebrate Aug 9, and if we don't celebrate it, no one else will. so i guess national day is special for Singapore. too bad people don't seem to view it as importantly as Chinese New Year or Hari Raya for instance. just look at the amount of effort families put in for Chinese New Year and the kind of atmosphere that surrounds that holiday. mothers rush to stock up on food and goodies, kids rush to get the nicest red clothes, and dads fetch them all over the place and worry about the credit card bill...this is unlike national day, which seems to have become a fireworks festival and a money-spinning night for the restaurants and malls lining the Marina. unfortunate indeed...

meeting the councillors tomorrow at city hall, it's been a long time since i've met them and it would be good to meet them again before the girls go off to university (something that has made me insanely jealous, and i have not gotten over it yet). need to catch up with all these friends whom i've been keeping for such a long time (6, 7 years? gosh, it's been a long time....). furthermore, the day will be made even busier tomorrow as i'll be attending tracy's wedding. finally she's getting married. here's wishing her and her husband all happiness, bliss and love for their marriage. i actually dislike attending wedding dinners, but this time it's going to be indian style, so something totally new and interesting. it would make for many nice pictures tomorrow. national day on sunday, O2 outing on monday, followed by lunch with RJ friends. who said army guys have no social life?

UCAS applications are opening soon. hope i can settle my uni apps asap, so i'll have something concrete to look forward to when i eventually ORD. can't wait to start school again. i've been trying to read up, currently reading The Post-American World by Fareed Zakaria. shall blog about my thoughts on it when i eventually complete the book, which is not too long because i'm on the last chapter already. next up, either The Child Called 'It' by Dave Pelzer or Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin, although i don't know if i'll have the stamina to complete Team of Rivals...shall end of with this random quote i found, by Mark Twain:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain
i guess that's my answer to why i want to try to live overseas for a period in my life...

news update

2009-08-05T17:08:00.002+08:00

i just happened to chance upon this website, www.zuji.com, apparently they are leading a petition to have one more public holiday in Singapore. now i think this is a great idea, not that the government is actually going to introduce another public holiday for Singapore, but rather, a great idea by the people at zuji.com to get the email contacts of more people in Singapore. it's a win-win situation for the company, because if the the petition really goes through and we're going to have another public holiday, zuji's business will boom because it just means more people are going to go on holiday. even if the new public holiday is not introduced, zuji will have more contacts, and hence expand its network and consequently, increase its business. genius. despite knowing that this was an obvious marketing ploy, i still went ahead and gave my email and signed the petition because, hey, why not try right?

anyway, in other news, former President Bill Clinton has left Pyongyang with two detained American journalists, Linda Ling and Euna Lee, who were convicted and sentenced to 12 years' hard labour for spying. so, to get these poor ladies home (because you can't possibly think they'd survive 12 years of hard North Korean labour), Bill Clinton was called in to save the day. now he really did seem like some super hero, swooping in town, and leaving with two lovely ladies the very next day. but good on him i guess, it was heartening to know that he'd succeeded, and the two journalists can now return home to a happy reunion with their families. all's well that ends well and Bill Clinton is now an American hero.

i also saw that Paula Abdul is leaving American Idol. well, this is quite sad, because she's been such a fixture on 8 seasons of the show. and she's always the 'nice' one, trying to find something good to say about the contestants, no matter how lousy they are. also, she seemed to always attempt to remind viewers about her dancing roots, always getting on her feet to dance to songs. so i guess she was quite an encouragement to the contestants. and she was quite entertaining as well, not because her comments were snarky or sarcastic, but because they didn't make any sense at all. her arguments with Simon were hilarious and sometimes they would do silly things like fight and draw mustaches on each other's faces. as an avowed fan of American Idol, i guess i will miss American Idol, but i'm not going to stop watching it just because Paula's gone.

speaking of departures, Xabi Alonso looks set to leave Liverpool. now this is really sad, though not unexpected. Alonso has always seemed like a really important, albeit underrated player for LFC. he is popular, though, judging from the response that he received when he travelled to Singapore recently. it's just regretful that he thought Real Madrid will be a better club for him. this Real where he will always play second fiddle to Kaka and Christiano Ronaldo, versus a Liverpool whose millions of rabid fans adore him and urged him to stay. do some thinking, Alonso. will the riches of Real beat the adoration at Anfield? now let's hope Benitez quickly uses the money to get a good replacement. the pre-season form has been worrying.

going back to camp soon. after 3 days' off in lieu. oh well, good times will always end. attending a wedding this saturday, national day on sunday, RJ gathering on monday. it's not all bad...looking forward to the weekend!

booklist

2009-08-04T21:36:00.005+08:00

i decided that i would compile a list of all the books that i've read since i entered the army and put it up on the blog just so i can see how many books one person can go through in two years. i've been making more frequent trips to the library nowadays. apparently it's improved alot since the last time i went there, which was a really really long time ago. i actually avoided going to the library for i think at least 6 years because i owed them $8 in fines and i didn't want to part with the money. furthermore, there was always the school libraries to go to. (the RJ collection is certainly impressive). also, i had scant interest in reading during my school years, i realised. after reading and reading so many notes, i just didn't feel like digging my nose into anymore books. TV was a much more relaxing alternative...

however, going to the army, i found myself with more time to read, and also because alternative entertainment options were few and far between. hence, my interest in books has been rekindled. i've decided to devote a larger part of my reading to political science/current affairs books, so as to prepare myself for what i envision will be alot of hardcore reading and poring over of notes and books when i eventually enter university. i don't have alot of reading stamina, so what better time to train than when i'm in the army?

i recently finished a book entitled The New Asian Hemisphere - The Irresistible Shift of Global Power to the East by a certain Singaporean author whom i really admire, Kishore Mahbhubani, a former diplomat (Singaporean ambassador to the UN) turned head of the Lee Kwan Yew School of Public Policy at NUS. i was first accquainted with him when i picked up a copy of Can Asians Think, another famous book by him, from the RJ library in J2. it made for very interesting reading. anyway, reading The New Asian Hemisphere, it made me rather bullish about being Asian and where Asia was headed in the next few decades. it first struck me as having a very anti-western tone, and i think maybe this book might not go down well with Western readers. but i guess he did do alot to change my perspective of China, portraying it as a cautious emerging power rather than a ravenous giant bent on revenge for suffering 100 years of humiliation. he also made me feel very positive about India becoming an open society and ASEAN as being a master of diplomacy. it made for very interesting reading.

anyway, on to less serious stuff. i picked up this book called Malaysian Politicians Say The Darndest Things, something i totally agree with and it contains a few mind-boggling quotes from really insensitive Malaysian politicians. they make you scratch your head and wonder what the hell was going through their mind when they made that comment. here are a few of my favourites (do NOT use this for GP!):

"we will shoot on sight" - then-Dep. PM Mahathir Mohamad explaining how the government will deal with the thousands of Vietnamese boat people landing on the Malaysian East Coast.
"macam wanita putus haid (like a woman reaching menopause)" - Badruddin Amiruddin criticising the quality of opposition DAP leader Lim Kit Siang's debate.
"we are organising a beauty pageant for animals. Animals should not lose to man in the race for perfection. we should realise that it is not only humans who are beautiful. animals too have their beauty." - Kedah Chief Minister Sanusi Junid on a method to attract tourists.
"i had to put my feet on the table" - Trade minister Rafidah Aziz describing how she had to end a heated debate at an APEC Ministerial meeting.
"which airport in the world does not have rats? even your own home will have rats. so you should quit tomorrow because you can't take care of your own house" - Transport minister Dr. Ling Liong Sik, replying when asked to resign over the rat problem at the new KL International Airport.
"Badawi (bedouins) in Arabia look after camels and goats but Badawi in Malaysia looks after pigs." (OUCH!) - PAS President Fadzil Noor referring to DPM Abdullah Badawi, tasked with handling the culling of pigs for the JE health crisis.
"toilets are like new brides afer they are completed. after some time, they get a bit spoiled. even if you do not use them frequently, you need someone to clean them every 25minutes." Works Minister Samy Vellu. (wth?)
"the British people accept homosexual ministers but if they ever come here and bring their boyfriends along, we will throw them out" - PM Mahathir, referring to Britain's openly gay Foreign Office Minister Ben Bradshaw.
"who are they (Filipino and Indonesian journalists) to come here and lecture us on press fredom...their countries are like shit. they dream to be like us." - Parl. Sect. Zainuddin Maidin. (MAJOR OUCH)
"put on more lipstick and try not to put on weight" - Wanita MCA leader Ng Yen Yen dishing out advice to wives on how to prevent their husbands from visiting prostitutes (major wth)
"if you cannot fight rape, better lie down and enjoy it" - Roselan Johar Mohamed, claims he was merely quoting a Confucian proverb (ok, this is not my 'favourite', i just marvel at how stupid his comment was)

ok, i'll stop here, but they are seriously alot more outlandish and downright stupid remarks in the book. makes you wonder why don't these people think before they speak. nevertheless, Malaysian politics is a much colourful alternative to the otherwise dull but safe Singaporean political scene.

booking back in tomorrow. it's been a rather good break. everyone needs a break...have physio tomorrow at 9am. my very first physio. wonder how it's going to be like. hopefully i will walk less painfully...

"no one can be really esteemed accomplished, who does not greatly surpass what is usually met with. A woman must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages, to deserve the word; and besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, or the word will be but half deserved.''
Caroline Bingley had very high standards for women...

whiling my time away

2009-08-03T11:40:00.002+08:00

it's isn't often that i get three weekdays off in a row and yet when i really do get the opportunity to unwind and engage in fun-filled, exciting activities, i plonk myself in front of the computer screen and do what? blog!

no, i'm just writing this post to kill some time before i go out later to play some guitar hero. meeting Terry and Ephraim at 2pm at hougang central. hougang is so the other side of the world from Bedok. it actually isn't that far if you consult a map of Singapore, except that it just seems so inaccessible via public transport (which, by the way is the main mode of transportation for most Singaporeans, at least until i earn enough to buy a car). hougang brings back memories of those marathon youth leader meetings at Ps. Kenny's old house at the Florida condo, which, now that i come to think of it, is a rather weird name for a condo. i can't stand property developers who come up with no-link names or act-class names for their condos. rather, i am partial to condo names which reflect a certain theme e.g. Savannah, or reference a certain geographical location, e.g. Bayshore. nevertheless, the point of this blog is not to comment about condo names.

interestingly, there's an article in the Home section of the Straits Times today about a trend of more people studying overseas, this, despite the on-going recession. apparently it costs 9000pounds to live in the UK, a figure that could go up to 12000pounds. this is, admittedly, a staggering sum of money. i guess i do understand now why the government wants so badly to develop the education sector and attract even more students to our sunny shores to pursue a university education. the motive is simple and the benefits are twofold: attract the best students from other countries, their school fees and living expenses add to our economy, and, if we entice them sufficiently, they might stay on and become pink-IC-carrying citizens who will further contribute to our economy. it's all about the economy, eh? perhaps the government, which has a consistent policy of attracting scholars from China and India, might do well to shift its focus to ASEAN as well. i know that there is this ASEAN scholarship thing going around, but attracting ASEAN students would invariably do alot of good for Singapore. sell ourselves as the 'gateway to the rest of Asia' for instance, and get those Vietnamese, Indonesian, Filipino and Malaysian students to come and use us as a lauch pad to start businesses that will eventually break into India and China. be the middleman, the go-between...

i don't know why i'm talking about attracting ASEAN scholars now, all of a sudden. i don't even know why i'm writing this blog. i'm going out soon. this post doesn't make any sense.

it just ain't the same

2009-08-02T23:37:00.003+08:00

the six-day week is finally over and has given way to the four-day weekend! yay to off in lieus! who doesn't like long weekends?

the national day rehearsals are finally drawing to a close. two months of inane traffic duty on precious saturdays will finally culminate in the grand finale: the actual day, 9 August. i wish i had some strong opinions about the duty, maybe say that i've learnt something along the way, but truth be told, i have nothing much to say about being involved in my first-ever national day, i dislike doing it, but i do it nonetheless. that's army life, isn't it?

met the chinese drama people at tampines this afternoon for a final gathering before the girls get shipped off to uni. it's going to be a whole different world for them and the excitement among them is palpable, as they talk enthusiastically about how fun their faculty camps were, about bidding for courses, about timetables, etc. it makes me overwhelmingly jealous that they're getting on with their lives, entering into those hallowed halls of academia, building towards a better career, a brighter future, and i'm languishing in the very retarded, brainless organisation charged with the defence of our nation. ok, i don't think the SAF is completely retarded, just the activities...

was talking to Javan about the army just now, and one thing i realised when conversing with him was that the only thing that makes army life worthwhile is the friends that you make and the people you come across. all the outfield survival skills, physical fitness, etc., they last for awhile, they're not applicable in all situations, but the friendships built, the networks formed are invaluable. and i think one must make the best of his situation and the way to do that in the army is really to make as many good friends as possible. in that respect perhaps i'm faring rather well. i'm blessed to be in a section of really nice people, 7 guys who have bonded really well, enjoying a sense of camaraderie that is quite unique. there are no major slackers, which makes life easier for the rest and a healthy dose of intelligent conversation mixed with inane banter. going out with my buddy, Terry tomorrow to Ephraim's house for Guitar Hero. exciting. following that with an 85 dinner with the rest of the platoon mates.

i hate that my posts in recent months have been almost exclusively about the army, so i shall now turn the spotlight to what happens after that. i have researched, and to my dismay, discovered that UCL AND King's College do NOT offer pure political science or even international relations, and that pretty much leaves LSE, which is really hard to enter. at least if UCL and King's had the courses i wanted, than i would have more options and i would be more assured of a place in a London Uni, alas, it's not meant to be and it's LSE or broke. the other option would be to go to the States, which isn't a bad alternative, since i've always wanted to go there. but i feel that London is the right place to be. nevertheless, an American education would no doubt be very appealing and it's something that's always up for consideration.

i am rather excited and apprehensive about leaving Singapore, to go somewhere so far away for so long. i guess i shouldn't think too much about it because i still have a good two years left before i pack my bags, and there're alot of things that can be done and achieved in these two years. for one, there's the involvement in the youth ministry. seeing Livewire grow from a motley crew of less than 20 members to hearing the latest numbers pushing 50, i realised that there's been so much growth over the past 1 and a half years. imagine more than doubling in size in 18 months! feel so proud to be a Livewire leader. nevertheless, it's unfortunate that at a time when the ministry is going places and expanding, i'm being extricated from it because of the army. it's a rather terrible feeling to see things happening and not to be a part of it. nevertheless, i'm so happy to see Livewire, our original baby, starting to stand on its own two feet.

realised that when i come back from the UK, or the US, or wherever God sends me, life will never again be the same. tracy's getting married on saturday. i think in 5 years' time i'll be seeing somemore friends tie the knot (or take the plunge, whatever is more appropriate). many of us would have moved on to university, or work. who knows who might even have kids? i'm not ready to grow up, not yet. then again, maybe i have to grow up, once and for all?

I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Josh 1:3, 5, 7-9

on roads

2009-07-26T14:43:00.003+08:00

back for another weekend. the coming of the weekend is a most anticipated event in the otherwise mundane life of an NSF, especially the less lucky ones who have to stay in from monday-friday. the weekend represents two days of freedom - from restrictive rules, demanding schedules and to do whatever the hell he wants (of course within socially-acceptable boundaries). the weekend time is precious, the NSF plans, fantasises, thinks, strategises about how he wishes to spend those 48hours away from camp, away from the keen eye of superiors, away from the boundaries of rules and procedures. unfortunately, my weekends have been 'burnt', to use army lingo due to NDP. now i really love national day. i think it's one of those holidays that everyone celebrates, not like the ethnic/religious holidays which are usually restricted only to that particular ethnic/religious group observing that particular holiday. i've always enjoyed the songs, marvelled at the fireworks and loved the mass displays. national day in school also meant half days, and a school holiday the day after national day. it also meant watching the uniformed groups in parade, attending a concert and having a mass sing-along session in the hall. everyone could wear red home clothes, chucking the uniform aside for at least one day. so yes, national day WAS enjoyable. this year's however, has been one long slog, having weekends frittered away watching traffic go by, preventing those vehicles without passes from entering the checkpoint. unglamourous, undesirable, and un-fun. nevertheless, life's like this. many times you have to do something you don't want to do. i've experienced this alot in the army.

sometimes something interesting happens as i'm manning the checkpoint. yesterday i witnessed an accident. a car turning right into the expressway collided with a motorcycle going straight at the junction. i didn't see the crash happen, because i was looking the other way, but when i heard the sound, i turned and saw someone fly. screams and moans ensued. the car driver wanted to drive off before platoon sergeant ran after it and got the guy to stop. it was all quite dramatic. it also just so happened that a guards medic carrying medical equipment was passing by the area stopped and managed to help the victims on the spot, something i found was a miracle. maybe that medic was an angel in disguise. i like to think that angels walk in our midst, offering a helping hand when we most need them. then again, that's a story for another day.

the image of the motorcyclist flying will always stick in my head. i was a little stunned and couldn't really think what was the best course of action to take, this despite the fact that there was also nothing that i could really do. it's one of those moments that change the course of the lives of those affected by the crash forever. the pillion rider, who i heard broke something might never walk the same way again. the car driver might be charged in court and have a record, a stain on an otherwise uneventful existence. it's all very unfortunate. and now, even as i embark on learning driving, feel that it's an immense responsibility to get a license. it made me think how fragile we are, thinking we can do anything, but forgetting that sometimes we're just flesh and bone.

watched public enemies yesterday at illuma. i think i'm going to like the cinema.. the seats were rather spacious and i love the design of the new mall. very artsy, contemporary...thought the movie was not too bad, except that it was a little long, with not enough action, and too much gunfighting. johnny depp of course did a good job again as usual. too bad his role as Jack Sparrow in pirates of the carribean was so iconic, everytime i look at him, i inevitably think of him as Capt Jack Sparrow. nevertheless, johnny depp must never be typecast. he's too talented for that. christian bale had that really cool southern (texan? i don't know) accent, which was also a very refreshing touch, attention to detail that made it a very interesting movie. what was unfortunate was the ending, it was slightly anti-climatic.

i also had this rather interesting porridge buffet yesterday. who knew porridge could be so filling? haha. it'd been a long time since i had a good buffet. the one i tried yesterday was quite decent, at $7.90++ hotpot culture at marina square. don't expect anything fancy though. just some simple porridge dishes like braised pork, vegetables, salty stuff (good bee hoon as well). quite worth it for the price. also, the liverpool bus passed by the duty area yesterday. i wasn't on duty. i think it was better that way. who knew how i would have reacted had i seen Torres, Mascherano, Alonso, Carragher and Reina, among others, live in the flesh? shall catch them when i go to London next time. maybe i'll make a weekend trip to Liverpool to visit Anfield. correction, i must make a trip to Liverpool to visit Anfield. wish i had seen them here in the Lion City though...

shall end off with a quote from public enemies, by John Dillinger, aka Johnny Depp:

it doesn't matter where you come from, what's important is where you're going